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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL is being too much

16 replies

Cocomandarin · 02/08/2025 10:25

I’ve always been torn between finding her irritating and trying to be fair. I just feel now that she is obsessing over my child and I’m at the point I have to ignore some of her requests. For example; she has had a date planned to take my child out for the day at the weekend. Then during that week she will ask if she can have them a day in the week, then she asked if my child can have a sleepover on the day she’s seeing them. THEN she asked if she can take them out for the day the day after. So in total this week she’s asked if she can have them Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday (planned), then stay over and out for the day Sunday. Bearing in mind each request I’ve been polite and said we have plans etc. what do I say? Shes super sensitive and anything other than yes seems to be an issue.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2025 10:27

How old is your child? Maybe you should be more direct, she asked for Wednesday and you said you had plans so she asked for a different day instead. If you just don’t want her to have more time it may be better to tell her that rather than leave her trying to accommodate you and then be annoyed at her for asking.

Original poster
Cocomandarin · 02/08/2025 10:32

No she texts and asks if they are free for every day also adding I need time by myself. I have accommodated her by saying we have plans and that my child is looking forward to seeing her Saturday. She then asks for them to sleep over there and take her out the next day also. They are 7

OP posts:
DramaQueenlady · 02/08/2025 10:32

Sounds like shes very lonely. Us Grannies love to see our grandchildren. I get its frustrating for you though. If you're happy for her to have your child overnight, why not try, we are really busy all week, but why not have a sleep over on Saturday and we will collect whatever time on the Sunday. Get a night out organised for yourself too. 😄

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 02/08/2025 10:33

Ime her having your was your number 1 mistake.
Number 2 is worrying about offending her..
She doesn't care how you feel keep nagging to have YOUR dc so much...
Tell dh to message her she can have the arranged day but you are all busy the rest of the week. She won't take it so bad coming from her precious dc...

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2025 10:33

But why don’t you want your child to sleepover? Age of child would be helpful

Original poster
Cocomandarin · 02/08/2025 10:35

I won’t go into too much but she used to stay over there but there was a serious breech of our trust that was very unsafe so we have stopped the sleep overs.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 02/08/2025 10:35

Does she have a life?

JMSA · 02/08/2025 10:35

I’d have bloody loved this 😂

InsanityPolarity · 02/08/2025 10:36

It sounds too much because she keeps asking after you’ve made plans. If she’d asked earlier saying “could gcd stay the weekend and I’d love to take them on Wednesday too” then that could have a different outcome one.

Beamur · 02/08/2025 10:37

That's a ridiculous amount of time she's asking to have her for.
Maybe you will have to be a bit more assertive. Sorry MIL, it's a no to sleepovers for the time being. DD is coming on Saturday, we have plans for the rest of the time.

MissHollysDolly · 02/08/2025 10:38

I feel you OP, my own mum is like this. And then when she has them she’ll call and say “oh is it ok if we go out to X place” and then miraculously they will run late, etc… or she’ll say “oh but they love eating xyz horrid sweets” and when I say no, they’ll come back from hers with them anyway. A few times over the years I’ve addressed it head on - politely showing how she’s overstepped the mark and trying to put boundaries in place, but for us it’s not worked (her own mum was similar!) however it’s always caused so much passive aggressive comments “I’d LOVE to take them out on Friday of course only if I’m ALLOWED” and the behaviour returns. So I don’t bother any more and I just assert the boundaries without addressing them. This includes saying “no” when she does the whole sleepover/extra day thing if I think it’s too much. Offer an explanation only if asked. And that’s usually “because I want them to spend time with me” not making up plans.
with that said we do genuinely enjoy spending time with her - I balance this by making sure we initiate things like meals and days out where we are there too.

Unrelated38 · 02/08/2025 10:39

Honestly just tell her it's too much. MIL I know you love DD and I love that for her. But this week alone you've asked to have her 5 out of 7 days. It's too much, I'm feeling overwhelmed having to keep saying no. Once a week is enough, we have other family and friends too. Sleepovers also aren't possible for the reasons you already know so please stop asking and making me be the villain.

FrostiesAreCornflakesForPeopleWhoCantFaceReality · 02/08/2025 10:44

Have you told her there will be no more sleepovers because she broke your trust or is it just something you and your husband quietly decided? No judgement either way, navigating these situations with over sensitive family members isn’t always easy. Just trying to work out if you’re even more annoyed with her for continuing to push her luck by asking for sleepovers.

Lurkingandlearning · 02/08/2025 10:47

If she’s been told there will be no more sleep overs since the breach of trust, she’s either having serious memory problems or pushing her luck. Tell her if the memory problems continue she won’t be able to have any unsupervised time with your daughter.

I’d find the requests to have her several times a week too much and would have to say once or twice only. Once they have been used up there would be no more until the following week. If she persisted I’d introduce a forfeit system wheee additional requests would mean no visits the following week. She’s behaving like a demanding child so I’d respond the way I would to a child.

She might be lonely but if so she needs to find some friends

londongirl12 · 02/08/2025 10:51

Yes it’s a lot she’s asking for, but I would bite somebody’s hand off if they offered to have my child a few times in a week. I used to love staying round my nans in the summer holidays.

Original poster
Cocomandarin · 02/08/2025 10:55

Thanks for your replies. I can’t go into a lot of detail but I feel I am being extremely fair for the amount of issues we’ve had over the years. Unfortunately it’s very difficult to be direct with them (including FIL) because they kick of and take everything as an attack. They are very dysfunctional people but they adore my child and they adore them so I’ve always tried to do what’s best and just handle the awkwardness. They aren’t allowed to look after their other grandchildren for these reasons so I feel all the focus is on mine. Last time my child came home from their they said ‘nanny asked me if I could go on holiday with her next half term’ she bypasses us when she is alone with them and puts us in awkward positions. Like no you can’t go on a plane without us just yet 😅

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