How I handled my autistic sons meltdown

[SNmum19620]

My DS is 7.5 with a dual diagnosis of autism and ADHD.

His meltdowns have decreased in frequency over the last couple of years but whilst the amount has reduced, the severity is worse when he has one.

I had to remove his access to a particular YouTube channel today due to the videos containing swearing. When I gave him his tablet back after signing out of YouTube and putting him on a kids account he has gone absolutely biserk.

In hindsight he should have already had a child's account but we've never had any reason to worry about the content he has been watching until today as it's only ever train or bus related.

He tried to smash his tablet then attacked his father and I. We were being kicked, punched, things thrown at us. He was screaming like he was being seriously hurt - no exaggeration.

His younger (3yo) brother came in to see what was going on.

To prevent somebody getting seriously hurt I tried to get hold of his arms and somehow restrain him to the sofa. In the process of this, because he was thrashing about, he has ended up with a big scratch on his inner arm from my long nails 😔

He's calm now but with the amount of screaming he was doing beforehand I won't be surprised if the police turn up. If I heard a child screaming like that I would almost definitely report it.

My mind is now going ten to the dozen worrying that I'll get into trouble for the scratch and lose both of them.

We asked for team teach training on safe restraint and was told it isn't given to parents. What on are we supposed to do when he's endangering himself and other people?

Was I unreasonable for trying to restrain him in these circumstances? And am I going to lose my kids? 😔

Friends recommend a Non Violent Resistance training course for parents. I don't know what age it suits from - mine are a bit older.

I wouldn't exactly say things have got easier with time but our understanding has improved and things feel less chaotic. Speech therapy has helped enormously, he had huge needs there even though he appears highly verbal when talking on preferred topics.

I'm going through the same the only difference is my child is not autistic. It is SO hard, you're not alone x

My neighbours know he's autistic yes, though we had a year of hell from them when they first moved in as they weren't used to the type of noise that comes with neurodiverse children.

They mostly leave us to it now but at one point they were knocking on the door atleast once a week because DS was shouting, banging or whatever else.

I've seriously rethought his access to YouTube after today's meltdown and I'm seeing (as PP highlighted) just how addictive and problematic it is.

He will keep his tablet for the games and so he can carry on using Busy Things (set up by school) but youtube has to go.

The sweary channel he somehow came across was called "McJuggernuggets" and its nothing but shouting and swearing, I don't know how things like that are allowed to stay up, or why the algorithm brought it to his attention when all he ever watches is trains and busses.

Short sharp shock for us for sure.

Hi op. My dd is autistic and while she's older and far better at self regulation we had many years of what you're describing (particularly bad around ages 8-11). I was advised by CAMHS that when it becomes that extreme to make sure there is nothing around them that can harm others or themselves and essentially leave them to it. It's so incredibly stressful I really feel for you but if my experience is anything to go by, please know it won't always be like this.

Look at what you can do to make his space calmer, ear defenders, ear loops, listening to podcast, little one not allowed in his room, let him eat seperatly if this is what he needs for it to be calm. I’m sure you do all this stuff already, put focusing on what you can do some times helps me feel better.

Speak to local parenting and autism groups. They will have knowledge about what is avaliable in your area.

No at all, needs must.
I genuinely think ipads are the cause of a lot of distress in DC with SN, screen addiction is real for all DC but much more harmful to DC with SN.
I know a few children's on the spectrum that are severed addicted to it from morning to night.
I understand that it offers parents peace too.

I do agree with this. I can only speak of experience of parenting one NT child who will say “ok” and move on when I tell him YouTube is banned. But when I have seen him watching it, even on TV, I notice he starts to get agitated and that’s why I banned it. Even picking songs to play on Spotify in the car can have the same effect, he just keeps skipping the tracks over and over again so I’ve had to tell him to pick one song and hand my phone back to me and he can pick another when it’s finished. It’s not good for them to be chasing dopamine all the time. The DVD player suggestion is a good one!

Did the restraint calm him down?

It's just if he was that disregulated he might have needed some sort of phyiscal pressure to help him regulate anyway.

In an ideal world you/he would spot the signs and carefully guide him to a weighted blanket, or a stretchy bag thing, or others need resistance, like to push against resistance bands that get less resistant. But its really hard to instigate that mid meltdown!

We personally found that backing away was our only option. I couldn't restrain my son he was too strong and we'd both get injured. We ended up putting away most precious stuff and several tvs got smashed, and our walls dented. It was shit. We found Yvonne Newbold helpful (but others dont - I found her actual advice good, but the facebook support group depressing and often misunderstanding what she said).

It is nothing like that now. We worked extensively with OT to help him understand what he felt and how to help him regulate. I'd say he is calmer than the average teen now. I love OT

I've just remembered, a drink of icy cold water would sometimes calm mine down when she was an early teen.

I would keep several small plastic bottles filled in the fridge. When she had a meltdown I'd hold and restrain her to sit on the floor and hold the bottle for her while she drank. It did the trick for a while.

Using a sports cap bottle so it didn't get lobbed everywhere.