We grew up in a challenging environment. Alcoholism, domestic violence, immature parents. My Dad was very angry and authoritative. An all round unhappy childhood. We were very close as kids. I think as the older of the two of us, I bore the brunt of issues at home, and took it upon myself to stand up for my sister and Mum against my Dad. I was very protective of my sister at school as well, as she suffered a lot with bullying. We had the normal sibling rubs as kids but nothing over the ordinary. If anything I considered us closer due to the home situation.
Over the years we have grown apart. She grew hostile when I got married and had kids. And even more so in recent years. We have much older sisters who had left home and were very supportive when we were young.
In recent years she seems to have set herself against us, but particularly me. She doesn't have children and doesn't like spending time with ours. Her behaviour can be terrible around them, when she can be very critical, very vocally of them. One incident where she came along to a kids orientated weekend, she moaned about them loudly. Then proceed to get drunk and puke everywhere. This isn't an isolated incident, it often happens when we're together. My older sister tackled her about her behaviour and my little sister has now pretty much cut her off. There is no talking to her.
Recently shes really doubled down on me. Any time we get together she talks constantly about how awful I was to her when we were kids. She recounts incidents that happened 20 years or so ago, and they clearly are a big deal to her. I've began to think she holds a deep resentment against me for something, but I know there is no asking her about it without her cutting me off entirely. So I just put up with it to keep the peace.
She has no interest in any of our lives or those of our kids and only ever contacts people when there is some sort of drama. At which point my parents will rally around her.
Recently I reached out to her to see if she wanted to meet up with me and she just ignore my messages. I'm deeply hurt about her attitude towards me and that she clearly has this very negative impression of me as a teenager. A teenager who was often the adult in the home caring for my Mum and her, while my Dad worked away, struggling to cope with the disaster around us and shield her from the worst of it. We are very different people but I always thought we might remain bonded due to our shared childhood experiences, but she so clearly doesn't care about me or my life, and is so openly hostile towards me, I just dont see the point in forcing her to be a part of it. It goes against everything I believe but I think of I didn't contact her I wouldn't hear from her, and I'm tempted to just leave it that way instead of making an effort with her.