To think ranks is weird behaviour from a ‘step mum’

JustSamantha · 2025-08-01T11:45:45+00:00

So I’ve received yet another abusive email from my ex saying our youngest child isn’t interacting with his wife like she did at the beginning and she isn’t talking to her a lot. So he then proceeds to tell and threaten me to ‘stop poisoning the kids against his wife’ when I have never and would never do!! I don’t mention her name around my kids ever . There is no need to she did this with my eldest who is 19 and he accused my eldest this morning of ‘trading her step mum in for her mum’ it is actually affecting me as it’s like she wants to take the mum role and me be pushed back and constantly accusing me of turning the kids against her is relentless i don’t feel like sending the kids anymore aibu to think this is really weird behaviour from the wife ? my kids are just quiet kids and he only had them 3-5 hours a week, never has them extra time in the holidays so they are not used to even seeing her !!!!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 01/08/2025 13:03

It's weird behaviour but it sounds like he fully supports it. Some men do seem to think they can just replace their kids' mum with the new woman and give no thought to the impact on their children.

I have a colleague ('Jane') whose ex has just put in an application to the court because she is confusing the kids and won't see sense. His young kids are confused at having to call her an̈d his new girlfriend mum. Obviously the best option is that they call colleague Jane and his girlfriend mum. He's outraged that Jane refuses to comply.

How old is your youngest?

Original poster

JustSamantha · 01/08/2025 13:34

MrTiddlesTheCat · 01/08/2025 13:03

It's weird behaviour but it sounds like he fully supports it. Some men do seem to think they can just replace their kids' mum with the new woman and give no thought to the impact on their children.

I have a colleague ('Jane') whose ex has just put in an application to the court because she is confusing the kids and won't see sense. His young kids are confused at having to call her an̈d his new girlfriend mum. Obviously the best option is that they call colleague Jane and his girlfriend mum. He's outraged that Jane refuses to comply.

How old is your youngest?

Hiya

thanks for your reply
the youngest is 4

OP posts:

Everydayimhuffling · 01/08/2025 13:40

Your eldest is 19 and your youngest is 4?

Your ex is being ridiculous.

mondaytosunday · 01/08/2025 13:41

Wait, it’s your ex saying this, not how partner. Hie do you know what she is doing? What is the ‘weird behaviour’? You haven’t described anything - only that your ex says they aren’t talking to her much? How he interprets this is fine to him. You don’t know if she is wanting to take over the ‘mum’ role?
Im a step mother. Frankly my step kids didn’t have much to say to me either but if there was a definite cooling of relationship and I or their father suspected it was due to something their mother was saying then he’s gone about it the wrong way.
As for your eldest this makes no sense at all - your mother is your mother your step mother is totally different so it’s not a case of either or.
Your post doesn’t really explain what is going on.

BodenCardiganNot · 01/08/2025 14:15

Has your 19 year old any interest in seeing them?

Original poster

JustSamantha · 01/08/2025 14:24

mondaytosunday · 01/08/2025 13:41

Wait, it’s your ex saying this, not how partner. Hie do you know what she is doing? What is the ‘weird behaviour’? You haven’t described anything - only that your ex says they aren’t talking to her much? How he interprets this is fine to him. You don’t know if she is wanting to take over the ‘mum’ role?
Im a step mother. Frankly my step kids didn’t have much to say to me either but if there was a definite cooling of relationship and I or their father suspected it was due to something their mother was saying then he’s gone about it the wrong way.
As for your eldest this makes no sense at all - your mother is your mother your step mother is totally different so it’s not a case of either or.
Your post doesn’t really explain what is going on.

And this is the problem.

just because a child doesn’t take to you doesn’t mean the father is allowed to go to the bio mum and threaten and accuse her

let me clear about this

so the father of my kids has come to me via email saying that I am poisoning our children especially the youngest against his wife.. he’s accusing me of telling my kids not to talk to his wife just because my kids are shy when they go there
I DO not talk about his wife in a negative light to my children

his wife has form for this as she’s always called my kids ignorant because they are not overly talkative and she’s gone to my ex the father of my kids complaining saying his kids should be talking to her more when they go there and because of this he is now sending me abusive messges blaming me

the step mother is obsessed with how much my kids talk to her

OP posts:

Branleuse · 01/08/2025 14:24

Tell him that you are not poisoning anyone against anybody and that he needs to back the fuck off, because this is becoming harassment. He is alienating them by being so pushy and that's got nothing to do with you. Now please stop messaging me unless it's specifically to do with arrangements for the children, as you would prefer to keep things civil

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 01/08/2025 14:30

Tell him he is not to send you any further messages, and you'll report his harassment to police if he chooses to continue.
Communicate with him by parenting app only, about contact arrangements for your child.

Pieceofpurplesky · 01/08/2025 14:37

I've had this for years OP. DS hasn't spoken to his dad in 4 years now, he got fed up with the toxicity and the blame. His dad's new wife is a total drunk who gets nasty with it. But it's my fault that DS doesn't like her according to Exh!

Rise above it. Get an order to stop him being able to contact you.

SpryCat · 01/08/2025 14:40

I would just ignore his emails, don’t bother to reply, he’s just trying to hook you in for drama.
Staying silent is best because he just won’t get any joy from you not responding, he is being ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised if the visits peter out eventually because he doesn’t have the same bond as he had with your eldest and no control so he can’t use him to get at you.
I’d moving all his emails in a folder of its own.

DiscoBob · 01/08/2025 14:54

What does 'trading her step mum for her mum' even mean? She didn't choose her step mum and obviously doesn't have to love or even like her in the way she would her real mum.

Is it the wife that's leading this? Have you heard her say these things? Or just your ex? I wouldn't even trust his narrative on anything.

Just ignore all of it. If your kids are over 16 you don't even need to talk to him at all anymore.

But if the kids still want to go to him you shouldn't stop them. But don't listen to his bullshit.

Original poster

JustSamantha · 01/08/2025 15:00

DiscoBob · 01/08/2025 14:54

What does 'trading her step mum for her mum' even mean? She didn't choose her step mum and obviously doesn't have to love or even like her in the way she would her real mum.

Is it the wife that's leading this? Have you heard her say these things? Or just your ex? I wouldn't even trust his narrative on anything.

Just ignore all of it. If your kids are over 16 you don't even need to talk to him at all anymore.

But if the kids still want to go to him you shouldn't stop them. But don't listen to his bullshit.

a couple of months back his wife was telling my 19 year old all her maritial problems telling my 19 year old she’s pregnant and her dad is pushing her to abort she was constantly asking our 19 year old where her dad is ( when he pics our youngest up) she’s asking my daughter how long ago he picked them up dropped them off ect so my daughter got so overwhelmed with it all she asked me for advice about what she should do about her telling her all this stuff all the time putting it on my 19 year old
so because she asked me advice her dad is basically saying that she let down the step mum and that she traded her step mum in for me ??
he keeps saying the step mum has done more for her than anyone just coz she picked her up from college a few times
my ex is trying to ( in my opinion) make his wife the real mum and push me out o

OP posts:

DiscoBob · 01/08/2025 15:04

JustSamantha · 01/08/2025 15:00

a couple of months back his wife was telling my 19 year old all her maritial problems telling my 19 year old she’s pregnant and her dad is pushing her to abort she was constantly asking our 19 year old where her dad is ( when he pics our youngest up) she’s asking my daughter how long ago he picked them up dropped them off ect so my daughter got so overwhelmed with it all she asked me for advice about what she should do about her telling her all this stuff all the time putting it on my 19 year old
so because she asked me advice her dad is basically saying that she let down the step mum and that she traded her step mum in for me ??
he keeps saying the step mum has done more for her than anyone just coz she picked her up from college a few times
my ex is trying to ( in my opinion) make his wife the real mum and push me out o

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Well he can try but it won't work. Your kids love you. Literally do not listen to a word he says. He's trying to control you even now.
Forget him and his wife.

Springtimehere · 01/08/2025 15:20

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BodenCardiganNot · 01/08/2025 15:21

How long have your ex and his gf been together?

SpryCat · 01/08/2025 16:09

He can try all he likes but you are mum and he and wife sound unhinged.

Mix56 · 01/08/2025 16:29

You tell your eldest to say, “This is totally inappropriate” & walk away.
You tell your Ex, “to grow up, this not a competition, there is no Winner. The children are not coached, Its up to him to facilitate his/their relationship. Back to you. Dick”