Constant guilt in summer holidays

[ratty289]

Feel absolutely overwhelmed and depressed already. The constant mess, demands and feeling that we aren’t doing enough.

I had promised the kids (and myself) that between work, chores and everyday stuff we would have one ‘day out’ every week. I.e getting in the car and going somewhere new whether it’s a national trust or whatever. That was meant to be today but I woke up feeling dreadful and the weather is rubbish so once again we are all inside in pjs at 10:30. I will try to get them out later but I have a big age gap and it’s so hard trying to find things that suit a toddler and a tween.

We have a holiday coming up but that’s at the end of August and feels very far away at the moment. I want to give them a good summer, nice memories and lots of fun but I have no help. Dh is working a lot and I have no family to help. Would usually buddy up with friends but we are all away at different times this year.

I don’t want to wish away the days and I feel guilt for that too. My teen has no enthusiasm for anything and my toddler is hard work too. I just feel drained. Any tips or solidarity welcome.

It's hard!

It is only the start of the holiday- can you sit down with the tween and write a list of what they actually want to do out of the house? I feel like the toddler could just tag along to some things and you don't need to cater explicitly for them. They won't know anything different. Sometimes I think big daytrips are more faff then they are worth and you are better off doing smaller things.

No advice but I feel the same as you! Constant guilt.
I've stepped away from social media as i could feel myself envious from all the happy and active families!
We're all still in bed!
Just booked the cinema so I feel like I'm doing something with them but it's hard to get the motivation especially with the crap weather at my place.
Be easy on yourself x

Do they want to go though? I have two tweens and I’m all up for doing day trips out, but they aren’t keen and just want to pootle round the house!! At best I manage to get them to the local shops 🙄

My tween is the same. He does play sport and he has seen friends but if I just stay home he will spend all day on a screen which is no good for him. I’m annoyed with myself for not having more oopmh to get out but I’m shattered. I’ve worked all week, the house is a state and I think I’m starting with a cold so my motivation for coaxing them into fun activities is not high.

I always think it’s important to remember that these six weeks can also provide an opportunity to just chill. Personally I don’t see any problem at all in just relaxing at home and maybe have a quick trip to the park with your toddler later on.
Your tween sounds typical!
There’s far too much pressure on parents these days to be constantly making memories etc.
You’ve got a holiday coming up, it’s all good!

Obviously I can only talk for myself here I had a very normal upbringing id say not a lot of money for fancy stuff.
But I'm sure school holidays wasn't so pressured when I was growing up.
A trip to town perhaps the park was about it.
My daughter is only 3 now but already prefers the simple low cost stuff.
Let yourself pootle I'd say.
Feel like I only leave the house and set fire to pound notes these days.

My boss has a 7yr old, and he told me that they have to do something every day with him to keep him entertained. Trips to the seaside, park, zoo, play pits etc ..... It sounds thoroughly exhausting!!

Growing up I would be dumped in front of 'Why Don't You' and I would meet my friends are their house, or my house and make up dance routines and pretend to be travel agents with thick brochures that were given away free.

We would have very few trips out during the holidays, but I remember them fondly. One was a trip to Malden with my mum. I got to jump around on the trampolines, eat ice cream and play on the slot machines. Another time my friends mum too us to Romford (I think) as the swimming pool had a wave machine.

Happy memories.

Teens and toddlers are hard work and it must be tough to keep both happy. You are going on holiday at least, focus on that. Until then just get through as best you can....I can assure you in the 1980s my mother never concerned herself about making memories during the summer hols!

Maybe not with the cold but swimming uses up lots of energy and leisure centres might have creches?

Solidarity, the age gap in our house isn’t quite so pronounced (5 and 10) but I’m struggling this week. For various reasons, they’re having quite a lot of time with grandparents this summer, who do lots with them, so they want to flop at home - which is fine until the bickering starts.

Neither wants to do anything the other suggests. The older one only wants to be on screens. The older one has additional needs and working out what is due to this and what is due to him being in spoiler mode can be tricky.

I have decided they can have a house day if on good behaviour and it’s working for everyone, but this needs to be alternated with getting out of the house the next day. If they can’t agree on something, I will pick something I want to do 😂

But I definitely don’t think you have to Do something every day or even every week if that doesn’t work for you. Mine are as happy pottering down to the park/going to a local cafe for a cake or ice cream as doing the more expensive stuff.

Feel the same and I’m too tired to feel guilty. I just want to sleep and be left alone for a few hours.

DS1 is special needs and tantruming up a storm. DS2 is repeatedly asking questions about when we’re going to grandmas and when is school starting back and DD1 is constantly pulling me all over the house.

Add in I’m recovering from unexpected emergency surgery and am supposed to take it easy for 6 weeks, no strenuous activity or lift anything other than a kettle, summer hols has pretty much been nothing but stress.

All the plans I had were diminished and the days I look forward to are the ones where the kids are out at a pre-paid activity which means one less child in the house, unfortunately not all three.

I think you might find that if you do go out, you will be less tired. Staying inside woth kids os one of the most soul-destroying, tiring and depressing things.
I suggest an aquarium. It won't enthuse the tween on principle but it's calming and enjoyable.once you're there. Then burgers or something.

If cost is an issue, I spent a summer doing 1 free thing a day with my toddler and it was amazing
Museums, urban farms, street festivals, council organised activities, beaches, beauty spots. I'd say once a week isn't enough to get going - maybe try get yourself out first thing every morning and you'll find that when you get back they're tired and give you some space to recover.