Split family holiday scenario?

[SunnyGreenPombear]

Just wondering on thoughts on this situation because I am not sure if it is me being the problem here...
My child's Dad is taking them on holiday and has asked me to provide spending money for them as their child will be taking spending money and doesn't want them to feel "left out".
Last year a similar thing occured where I was asked to buy holiday clothes and then on top of that he didn't pay maintenance that month as he said they were with him two weeks out of the month.
Genuinely I wouldn't mind so much if the holidays weren't so extravagant, it's a 5* resort, as mentioned by him many times... So it isn't as though money is an extreme issue, which in our household we are having to scrimp and save every penny and a holiday isn't even on the cards. I want my child to experience these holidays but I get stung every time... I couldn't imagine the shoe being on the other foot it would go down so well? "I am taking X on holiday and we're going to give our child spending money so you can please provide some for your child?"
It seems a little wild to me, but AIBU?

what a petty selfish dick. He is taking his child on holiday but doesn't want to give them spending money, yet he's giving his "other" child money, is that because that's the proper family and this one is the ex's kid?

Does he treat them equally when they’re there?

His failure to treat his three children equally is not for you to mitigate. When he chooses to take his children on holiday, he takes on the obligation to cover all associated costs. He is being ridiculous.

Tell him he can provide spending money to both his children. He's got a bloody cheek asking you for money, especially if he's withholding maintenance when he takes your child on holiday!

Are you taking your children on holiday any time soon? If so then I would message back we are on holiday on such and such dates so children will need spending money then, so seems pointless me giving it for this holiday when you will have to then give them some for our holiday. Be better to provide spending money for the children for our own holidays, like you are doing for your other child. Have a nice time.

Interesting to read, thank you for your feedback! I honestly felt like I was going insane. The last holiday was during school time which also incurred fines which I had to battle for him to pay, he had said it was my child's fault for telling the school they were on holiday and not going with the story of them being sick...
I think this may be the last holiday my child goes on with them as it just causes so much stress!

@Billybagpuss From what I am aware of, though of course I get a very one sided story, my child often says they feel as they don't often get a say in activities, games. My child also doesn't actually visit or stay there often, it's only really special occasions and holidays that the invite gets extended their way!

@toomuchfaff sadly so!

Ex can take them on holiday or not take them on holiday but shouldn't be badgering you to fund it. Tell him to piss off. Cheeky twat.

Words fail me. I would put a stop to these holidays OP. If he's discriminating that much between the kids, then how much joy are they really getting from it? They're bound to feel "othered". Tell him no more holidays but, if you feel you can, tell him what a complete and utter shitbag he is.

That’s just so completely bizarre of him!

@Ablondiebutagoody this was my point, I did say I wouldn't be funding it and was told I would make our child feel excluded as they won't be able to buy things and their child would...🤦🏻‍♀️

@ginasevern I'm glad it isn't just me. Basically, I ask nothing of him in terms of parenting other than time and regular maintenance, if I dare to question anything I am always made to feel as though I'm being difficult by both parties! Our child is reaching adolescence and I feel as though soon they will make their own decisions on how their relationship will go, I didn't want to take it away from them but sometimes I think maybe I should as I really don't think they're benefitting from it anymore! Split families are never easy I guess!

don't tell the ex what you're giving your child, none of his fkin business.

Go through cms for maintanance, surely he cant just cut it because he takes his kid on holiday. As for spending money i would make it clear thats his resposibility and should be equal for both his kids. He sounds awful. Split families may not be easy but he is making it clear which part of his family he prefers.

@Coka I have been going through CMS since he withheld maintenance for their holiday last year but it's through direct pay so the agreement is between the two of us. I did go to collection and then he talked me out of the agreement as they were taking a huge cut on top of what he was meant to pay, sometimes he will pay - just like 2 weeks after the agreed date 🫠
Very much so, I think I often am made to feel like the problem and started believing I was doing so for trying to fight my child's corner but I am glad I'm not completely delusional!

His new partner will be in his ear about this, wont be wanting their "family money" to go on your child.

Back to collection then, as he chooses to be incapable of doing the bare minimum for his kid.

Don't allow him to contact you in any way other than a parenting app. If you feel the need to reply to his piss taking demand just reply 'no.' and don't give it a nanosecond of thought.

I agree! I've been called greedy before for requesting maintenance...is what it is, it will never change sadly.

@SunnyGreenPombear

I would be going back and saying they are BOTH his children and HE needs to treat them the same, so he provides spending money when HIS child is with him

don't blame it on the woman.

Misogynistic BS.