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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD had money stolen by step cousin

15 replies

twiceasnice47 · 31/07/2025 23:42

Name changed in case sister is on here.

So last week my DSis visited us along with my niece and DSis's 2 stepchildren.

Yesterday Dsis text DD to ask her if she gave SD £20 as she found £20 in her SD's pocket. Her SD said my DD had given it to her. DD text DSis back and said yes she had given it to her - but in fact she hadn't SD had taken it but DD didn't want DSis's SD to get in trouble so that is why she said she had given it to her. DSis's SD has been through a really tough time recently and hasn't lived with DSis for long.

My DD has just told me about this and that the fact that she didn't give my sisters SD the money but that she told my sister she had as she doesn't want my sisters SD to get in trouble.

Now I know about this I have text DSis to ask for DD's money back as her SD had taken it but DSis says she won't give it back as she spoke to my DD directly who told her she gave it to her SD.

If it was a couple of pounds or even a fiver I would be ok with it but this is £20 of my daughters money that she earned. The money was in a drawer so Dsis's SD must have purposely taken it.

AIBU to pursue this or should I just give my DD £20 and forget about it?

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/07/2025 23:45

Are you 100% sure your DD didnt give it to her and has now changed her mind

purpleme12 · 31/07/2025 23:45

I think you should leave it. You need to tell your DD to say that whoever has stolen something in the future. If she didn't want to reply to the text she could have told you and then you could have dealt with it.

murasaki · 31/07/2025 23:46

I'd leave it this time if that's what your daughter said. But I'd ensure that if they came round again, and I'd be a bit wary of that happening for a while, although that could cause family ructions, that all money was safely secured before it happened.

Saltylady · 31/07/2025 23:48

Your DD is the only one you know for sure has been dishonest because she has told different people different stories

Helpmeplease2025 · 31/07/2025 23:52

clear away money and valuables if she comes round again

Wingedharpy · 31/07/2025 23:54

How old are the children?

Original poster
twiceasnice47 · 01/08/2025 00:00

I did have this conversation with her and told her that she should have told me straight away when she realised the money was missing and I could have gone straight to DSis and we could have sorted it.

I have asked her and she she says that she definitely didn't say she could have the money. I did at one point think maybe she did give it to her but she swears she didn't but have also had the conversation that you don't just give people (who ever they are) sums of money like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
twiceasnice47 · 01/08/2025 00:00

Wingedharpy · 31/07/2025 23:54

How old are the children?

DD is 14 and Dsis SD is 10

OP posts:
JustSawJohnny · 01/08/2025 00:02

You can't demand it back but you can make it clear to Dsis that the money was stolen and it's really out of order to just allow that and let DD lose out.

I wouldn't be happy having a light fingered kid in my house for the foreseeable, either.

purpleme12 · 01/08/2025 00:03

twiceasnice47 · 01/08/2025 00:00

I did have this conversation with her and told her that she should have told me straight away when she realised the money was missing and I could have gone straight to DSis and we could have sorted it.

I have asked her and she she says that she definitely didn't say she could have the money. I did at one point think maybe she did give it to her but she swears she didn't but have also had the conversation that you don't just give people (who ever they are) sums of money like that.

I still think in this situation you need to commiserate with her but reiterate she can't say one thing then another, and just let this one go

murasaki · 01/08/2025 00:07

How did she even find the money? She definitely shouldn't be allowed in your dd's room in future. I'm surprised a 14 year old wanted a 10 year old in there anyway. But yes your dd hasn't helped here by telling two stories and will have to suck this one up.

Thatpastalife · 05/11/2025 17:59

I would say fair enough, you can refuse to return it but your DSD won’t be coming over again. Actions have consequences, tough time or not, your DSis thought she’s stolen it initially too so obviously not unbelievable, not sure why it’s not being returned by your DSis, bit of an odd choice.

Celestialmoods · 05/11/2025 18:05

Your dd sounds very sweet trying to make sure her step cousin doesn’t get in trouble because she knows she had a difficult time. Did the cousin maybe confide that she’s having a difficult time with her step mum (your sister) and that’s why your dd wants to cover for her so much?

Cherrysoup · 05/11/2025 18:11

Why on earth would your dd a) say she’d given it to her and b) why does your dsis not believe her?! Your dd can’t know the stepdd much if she hasn’t lived with your dsis long?

Your dd is too nice. I’d push for the stepchild to return the money but £20 is not worth a family fall out. I just wouldn’t let the step child out of my sight if she comes round again.

BackToLurk · 05/11/2025 18:14

What does your dd want you to do?

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