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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Toddlers at activities for older kids

9 replies

Ohmeohmyohme · 31/07/2025 17:04

DD is 9 and we have booked several activities recently, both free library ones and paid for activities. Locally, activities are pretty much grouped into 0-5, 5-8 and 8-11. We have booked onto to the 8-11 year old sessions.

Every single activity we have booked onto has been overrun with under fives. Very rarely are they the siblings of older children attending. They are almost all groups of mums meeting up at the activities with their toddlers. All of the activities are fully booked. Most of the activities are for children to attend on their own while parents stay in the vicinity but because the toddlers are so little their parents understandably stay with them, mostly helping them to complete activities they are too young for and trying to keep them safe. Last week, one mum asked the librarian to put the scissors away as the little ones kept grabbing at them. At a theatre event, a toddler kept shouting out throughout the show, and at an outdoor activity DD didn’t want to go on her own (which the activity was meant for) as she would have been the only child there without a parent as it wasn’t safe for little ones to do on their own. Today, the library turned the event (journaling) for older children into a bounce and rhyme as every other child there was under five. We just left in the end as she didn’t want to sit on the carpet listening to a picture book!

AIBU to expect the activities to remain geared at the age group it’s aimed at, even though most of the audience is much younger?

I spoke to the librarian today and she said they are probably going to stop running the activities for older kids now as very few older children attend. I said that they probably couldn’t attend as all of the places had been booked by parents of younger children. All of the under fives bounce and rhyme activities have continued.

OP posts:
Fuzzypinetree · 31/07/2025 17:11

Do they not check the child's age when booking?
My DC both attend swimming lessons and you have to add the child's date of birth. If the child is too young, it won't proceed with the booking. (I've rung up and booked DD for lessons in October as that's when she'll be old enough. It wouldn't have allowed me to book her in online just yet but they get booked up if I leave it too late.)
I can understand that they won't turn them away and end up with just your DC there but really, they should check the ages beforehand and then refuse to accept the booking.

DrCoconut · 31/07/2025 17:18

It's the same kind of parent that takes their two year old to soft play or a trampoline park and then expects junior school aged kids to tiptoe around them. Agree there should be an age check on arrival if not booking.

ns87 · 31/07/2025 17:23

The people running the sessions need to be firmer

Ohmeohmyohme · 31/07/2025 17:59

Thank you, I thought I’d get a roasting! I think I’ll email the library service at least to give feedback.

I just felt really sad for DD today, she had only just started nursery when covid hit and missed all of her nursery year and most of reception. There was literally nothing I could take her too and remember trying to work from home and get food and care for her (single parent). Even the parks were closed. I know I’m totally unreasonable and projecting here, but just seeing all of these little ones and parents with so many free and low cost activities for their age group, dominating the ones for older kids too just felt a bit much. Time to give my head a wobble!

OP posts:
modgepodge · 31/07/2025 18:09

Fuzzypinetree · 31/07/2025 17:11

Do they not check the child's age when booking?
My DC both attend swimming lessons and you have to add the child's date of birth. If the child is too young, it won't proceed with the booking. (I've rung up and booked DD for lessons in October as that's when she'll be old enough. It wouldn't have allowed me to book her in online just yet but they get booked up if I leave it too late.)
I can understand that they won't turn them away and end up with just your DC there but really, they should check the ages beforehand and then refuse to accept the booking.

I suspect free events at the library don’t have a booking system quite as complex as paid for swimming lessons 😂 most likely a sheet of paper on the desk or call up and they write your name down on the list.

I agree OP it’s ridiculous. But it’s possibly a bit chicken and egg - they don’t get enough 8+ year olds so they let the little ones join in - but then that means the older ones are less likely to attend as it’s overrun with little ones…

I walked past a free museum workshop last holidays which I hadn’t signed my daughter up to as she was 2 years too young. Only to discover it was full of kids even younger than her and the instructor said it was fine, he just runs it slightly differently for younger ones.

Overthebow · 31/07/2025 18:15

I agree that would be annoying. But I think usually the things like library sessions are mainly for the younger children and often older children don’t want to go. Even my 5 year old wouldn’t, she’s more into going to soft play, bouncy castle sessions, camps run by her clubs country parks with events during the holidays. The little ones are probably the only others who signed up and it’s better for them to run something then nothing at all.

Fuzzypinetree · 31/07/2025 18:27

modgepodge · 31/07/2025 18:09

I suspect free events at the library don’t have a booking system quite as complex as paid for swimming lessons 😂 most likely a sheet of paper on the desk or call up and they write your name down on the list.

I agree OP it’s ridiculous. But it’s possibly a bit chicken and egg - they don’t get enough 8+ year olds so they let the little ones join in - but then that means the older ones are less likely to attend as it’s overrun with little ones…

I walked past a free museum workshop last holidays which I hadn’t signed my daughter up to as she was 2 years too young. Only to discover it was full of kids even younger than her and the instructor said it was fine, he just runs it slightly differently for younger ones.

Perhaps, but even if it's just a sheet and someone answering the phone, they could ask how old the child is and then refuse the booking.
I'm taking DS8 to the planetarium to participate in an event for children aged 8+ and called up to ask whether it would be ok to bring DD1. She won't be participating, though, and will be strapped into the carrier so as not to cause havoc and disrupt everyone. I'll take her outside if she's noisy. If an event is for a certain age group, this should be respected. I don't get the, "yes, but my precious darling is really advanced and would just love to do this"-mentality. I'm sure DD1 would love to run around at the planetarium and lick everything...doesn't mean I'll let her or, even worse, expect everyone else to accommodate her.

FullOfMomsense · 31/07/2025 18:29

I find it can sometimes ruin these activities, especially for the much older children. We had a 7-11 group which was an interesting blend of ages that worked really well, but someone brought a 1 and 2 year old along and suddenly the activities all had to be adapted to suit a baby- it just isn't fair for pre-teens!

Our local library had a book and activity session where a guest read a section of a book and the activity was based off that section. Couldn't hear the book because of the screaming toddlers left to mingle with the 8+ year old children, while parents stood by talking.

In this day and age it is more difficult and more important than ever to keep older children interested in age-appropriate activities that don't involve screens, but they're so often put off doing these things because of the wrong age mixes

cadburyegg · 31/07/2025 18:50

I agree with you but the reality is with free stuff that if they don’t get the numbers they will stop running the groups.

Unfortunately I’m noticing that more and more parents of very young children act really entitled. There was a soft play thread on here recently and one poster claimed her 2 year old was super advanced 😀

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