To think “Be Kind” is contributing to dangerous situations?

[itsgettingweird]

OK hear me out.

Recently (locally) we’ve had a child seriously injured (life altering head injury) whilst riding an e scooter on a road with no helmet.

2 teens killed in a car crash in the early hours of the morning as the 16yo driver crashed the car.

Now no one wishes ill on others or on the dead. There is no question these are tragedies and my thoughts are obviously with the families left behind.

But it’s concerning how when anyone tries to discuss e scooters being illegal or why were 2 teens out that time of night and a 16yo driving it gets shut down with “be kind”.

No one was being unkind.

But if we are to protect people (especially our young people) surely there needs to be discussion around how we do it as the silencing seems to be giving them the green light to do these things as no one’s allowed to point out they are bloody reckless and dangerous.

YABU - once someone’s life is
altered or they’ve died you don’t need to discuss how that came about

YANBU - we need more public education about suitable risks (I remember the Leah Betts videos in school) and we shouldn’t ignore the truth because it’s uncomfortable

But it’s concerning how when anyone tries to discuss e scooters being illegal or why were 2 teens out that time of night and a 16yo driving it gets shut down with “be kind”.
It sounds like you're trying to discuss it in the presence of people directly affected by it, such as a local Facebook group to the area where it happened.
If that's the case, it's not very appropriate so soon after a tragedy. There are grieving families out there. It's not the time to tell them they should have done X Y and Z to avert this. Don't you think they're suffering enough?

I think your title is misleading.

1. I think it is kind to ask how do we prevent this happening again

1. I think its inappropriate to lead with well it was their fault to people in the immediate aftermath of a tradgey

Two things can be true at once. We do need to prevent these things but we need to also show some understanding and patience on how we raise this immediately after a tragedy

No, it's worse than unkind, it's disrespectful and devastating for the grieving families. Engaging in this is knowingly hurting them, why would you do that.

Leah Betts was very different as it was her own father who led the campaign and not in the immediate aftermath of her death either.

Also, it's not really about learning the dangers is it. Everyone knows driving fast or going on an e scooter without a helmet is dangerous. I bet no one's offering to go into schools or youth centres to educate. People just like to crow about how it could never happen to them, they're far too sensible and law abiding.

Pretty much nails it. OP I think you’re perfectly correct in thinking these tragedies should’ve been prevented but expressing it at the wrong time.

Campaign to get those dangerous scooters banned or start a neighbourhood watch but bringing it up like that after the fact isn’t productive and could be unintentionally hurtful.

It totally depends where this discussion is happening and who is leading it.

If it's some random commenting on facebook in response to a specific tragedy:

1. it's completely disrespectful & hurtful to the families left behind

2. it won't change future outcomes

If it's a campaign lead by families or an organisation then that's entirely different. The Leah Betts story has stayed with me & definitely contributed to me avoiding all drugs

i haven’t personally tried to discuss it via any of these means. I don’t like discussing things like this via FB etc.

Ive seen discussions via local news sites and heard comments locally when someone’s said “well e scooters are illegal why was the child bought one?” being shut down with “be kind”.

I think though these are valid questions. Why are local school children riding to school on e scooters by the dozen and weaving in and out of traffic with no helmets? Why is it acceptable? Because when it goes wrong then everyone is silenced and joined allowed to talk about the dangers.

I think we need to look into why as a society we’d rather allow kids to break the law than discuss ways to stop it.

What do you mean starting with 'Hear me out'

Do you think people are not going to read your OP? I don't understand this at all. Hear me out? What?

Yes I see what you mean about the title being misleading. I don’t intend it to be.

But what I’m trying to convey is how no one seems able to discuss e scooters or teens driving anymore because the response is “people have died or been disabled - just be kind”. But the point of people wanting to discuss it is because people have died and been disabled.

It seems a never ending cycle of silence that I fear will be further damaging if it can’t be broken.

Does that make sense?

The difficulty is that any questions point toward parental responsibility. Everyone knows e scooters are illegal and the parents shouldn’t be buying them for their children, but the parents don’t want to hear it because that would mean accepting that their children would still be alive if they hadn’t ignored the legality of them and refused to but it. I don’t really understand what goes through people’s heads in buying something fir their kids we all know is illegal and can’t be ridden in public without a license and insurance anyway.

It’s just an expression. I’m not sure it had any hidden meaning 🤷‍♀️

Yes and I agree. Its not unkind to want to avoid more heartache

Yes this. thats exactly what seems to be happening.

Which doesn't seem to be helping stopping them buying them - the other day I passed 9 pupils in w scooters in 200m of road by a local school. Why is it happening? Why isn’t anyone allowed to discuss the sheer danger of it and the real consequences of it because someone is now living with those consequences?

Remember back in the day (I know I sound 85!) we used to have the “keep Britain tidy” campaigns and little icons everywhere . We don’t have many of these anymore . We need to change the way our young people think .
There never seems to be any consequences to anything anymore . People in general just assume it won’t happen to them or their family .. but it can and in some cases it does .

Wasn’t there a law coming out about young people not being able to carrying passengers til a certain age or been driving so long .

I know my 18 year old who’s recently got her car she scared me being in the car with her and I had to really force into her how dangerous other car users can be and luckily she’s taken it in and noticing now the dangers but if I hadn’t been in the car with her I wouldn’t have known how she was driving and habits she had picked up that weren’t safe for herself or other people.

Sometimes people need something to bring awareness to them and we’ve lost that awareness in the uk .

Blaming someone, the parents or child, in the immediate aftermath of a tragic death, is crass at best.

Raising awareness of road safety in schools and the importance of protective gear, is obviously good sense.

Of course you can discuss the dangers of something, especially when a tragedy has happened in the recent past. But the things you’ve said do sound very blameful rather than educational. Saying “why were they out late at night?” “Why did the parents buy an illegal scooter?” is likely to put people’s backs up as they will be empathising with grieving parents who are probably full of guilt. Framing it like “let’s help prevent another accident by making sure we know where our kids are” or “these scooters are dangerous and illegal for XX reasons, let’s make sure there are no more tragedies” is a more blameless and empowering message that’s less likely to make people defensive.

So the example that promoted me to post is that the local police posted on SM reminding that e scooters are dangerous and illegal and they will stop and advise first and then confiscate for second offence.

lots of comments about how it’s out of control, about local school kids driving them to school and about parents taking responsibility and not buying them in the first place.

followed by a load of “someone was seriously injured on one of these a few months ago - so be kind”

Well that’s the point isn’t it? Somebody was seriously injured because their parent brought them an e scooters. No one mentioned this accident or the person or parents. It was a general PSA which was then shut down because someone had an accident. But it’s the point they are having accidents (and illegal!) for the PSA.

I just worry that it’s not helping the whole inability for our young people to risk assess properly or have respect for rules or the law. It seems to be encouraging a mindset of invincibility. And if you do take a risk and there are consequences there’s no accountability.

In the 2 cases I mentioned it was by the grace of god that no one else was injured or worse.