I feel terrible for even saying this but…

[schoolie258]

I’m embarrassed to go out with my disabled child. She is autistic. Diagnosed. She’s only 4 but she stims constantly, she’s non verbal but very vocal.
I don’t want to feel this way but I just feel like I hate taking her out anywhere because she’s a handful and people stare and look at her.
how do you get over this? Or deal with the extra attention when going somewhere with a special needs child?
I feel like she’s missing out on a lot of things already because she doesn’t like busy places or playgroup type environments. It’s too busy and loud for her so ends up in disaster and we leave as she’s crying and becoming distressed.
of course it’s not her fault and I love her dearly but I do struggle with public outings. She is still in a buggy because she refuses to walk so people stare and I’ve heard comments of people passing saying “bit big for a buggy isn’t she?”

Why can’t people just mind their business

I have a ASD 4 year old as well. We mainly just go to parks/countryside walks at times when it’s likely not going to be as busy. We use reigns and he is loud so people do stare/make comments, but I just zone out and focus on DC as I’m too busy trying to keep him safe to respond anyway. We do avoid shops/restaurants/indoor places though as they are too much for DC. Most of the people you will never see again anyway so their opinion shouldn’t be more important than your child’s experience.

It’s really hard. My son has learning difficulties and can make funny noises or rock or be really loud. It is embarrassing. Adults need to tell their kids not to stare!! We bring an iPad, keep outings short and leave if necessary.

Hiya, I work with children and have done a lot of 1:1 work with autistic children. I know how challenging it can be at times so you do have my empathy. I think try to see it as her simply having different interests to other children, and then adapt to that and take her to things where you know she’ll be less likely to be overwhelmed. There are cinema screenings especially for children with SEN, so quieter volume, different lighting etc. There will be like minded people there too so less ‘judgy’. There are also some exhibitions and things like that which have particular time slots for the same thing. I think if you google it you’ll be nicely surprised at how much you find.

she isn’t missing out by not going to playgroups and stuff like that, because she doesn’t enjoy them. Think of it this way - imagine something you really would hate doing, say for example you hated bowling. Most people for argument’s sake love bowling, so they try to take you there as you’re expected to enjoy it. It would be a nightmare for you, particularly as you can’t verbalise this dislike. You certainly wouldn’t be missing out by not going. So don’t worry about that. Find things she will actually enjoy and it will be lovely for you. Maybe look into local SEN meet ups, you will meet people who are in the same position as yourself and it will probably make you feel a lot better. All the best xx

Oh and I know it’s easier said than done but just ignore people’s comments. If something really does get to you, tell people it’s none of their business. I certainly would. Or say something that would make them feel really guilty for saying something at all.

I just remain completely focused on my DC, which isn't too difficult because he is full on so I'm too busy to worry about what's going on around me. We're just in our own little bubble, if anyone wants to judge a disabled child that's their problem and they are at fault, not me or my DC.