Child with SEN so violent

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I have two autistic DC late junior school age and they both have learning disabilities. My youngest is non verbal with severe learning disabilities and has always been a bit violent to us over the years but recently it's been absolutely relentless.

He's still quite small but (despite professional experience in the area) I've very rarely come across violence this extreme and random- slapping, punching, biting, kicking, eye gouging, scratching, hair pulling, throwing objects at me and he also tried to stab me with a pair of scissors. He's particularly targeting me and it is constant. He's badly hurting me and I'm frightened of him. I keep trying to spend nice quality time with him but he just smiles then attacks me. Tonight, I went downstairs to be with him because I've barely spent any time with him (DH looks after him because DS can't push DH over etc) and sat on the sofa, he came over smiling like he wanted a cuddle then grabbed my head and clawed my face and pulled my hair. Normally I try not to react too much (because I think he enjoys my reaction) but I started screaming and then broke down in tears. I've just had enough.

I don't know what we've done wrong, but clearly we haven't got it right.

AIBU just to stop trying? This is breaking my heart, I love him but I don't want to be anywhere near him.

I'm so sorry OP, you haven't done anything wrong atall you sound like a lovely person in an incredibly difficult situation. Are social services involved? If you tell them exactly how bad things are they may be able to get you some respite care. 💐

I'm sorry things are so difficult.

Has he had a recent OT assessment? Has he been referred to CAMHS? I know it varies by area, but locally our CAMHS has a specific team that treat LD and many families find them helpful. There could be medications to explore.

If you're in England, it would be worth pushing for an updated OT assessment via the EHCP. There may be a degree of sensory-seeking and your responses to him are giving him feedback. That's not a criticism, and I'm aware I'm probably teaching granny to suck eggs.

The smiling/laughing, I read somewhere recently that can be an involuntary response, as the body is trying yo equalise the stress by providing dopamine? I'm possibly not using the right terms, but it made sense when I read it.

I hope you're able to get more respite soon. You're dealing with a lot and it's little wonder you're feel so low. I hope things improve soon

OP my heart breaks for you. It's awful that there isn't more support for families struggling like this.

Has he ever been assessed for ADHD? It's possible if he has ADHD that medication could make a big difference.

I have worked with a violent child like this and the only thing that made any difference was completely ignoring the acts of violence. So very much easier said than done, especially when they were directed at other children in the setting. But for some children, any feedback, including negative consequences, feeds the behaviour.

You haven't done anything wrong, you have just been dealt a very difficult hand. I can only suggest that you be the squeaky wheel and keep asking for help.