Can’t work out how much golf is unreasonable- continued!!

Southern1964 · 2025-07-30T11:24:54+00:00

So, after my thread last week I thought my DH and I had come to some resolve. He moved the golf trip to a more appropriate time and we sort of agreed that he play once a week, with 2-3 trips a year, sometime these are just one night stays. Fast forward to today, he just said ‘Do you mind if I play golf after work?’ Son has footy training so a drop off and pick up during that time. He’s going to play at a plush course all day on Sunday, so out early in the morning, there all day etc. We’ve fell out again as his argument is we have no plans so why do I always have to push back? I don’t know what is right or wrong here 😏 We have DS14, DD11, DD6

toomuchfaff · 30/07/2025 12:37

So hes taking the kids with him yeah? cool should be fine, you can enjoy a day of leisure

IamnotSethRogan · 30/07/2025 12:37

Well how inconvenient is it for you to take your son to football ?

He moved his golf trip so id be inclined to be fine with it but it's up to you.

Blanketwrap · 30/07/2025 12:44

I don't think one night out during the week is a problem. Would it be OK if he was going to the pub or to an art class?

DH and I did alternate evening when DC were young. M&W he did a volunteering thing. Tuesday and Thur I trained for my sport. Fri we did something together. Weekends we usually did something together and found time for each of our own interests, but it would rarely be a whole day unless that person had DC with them.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 30/07/2025 12:57

Fine for after work. But next week he does the drop off/pick up for DS and he does an extra one if you usually split it. Any further mid week evening games are only on days when no kids clubs are on. Or he's yet again ducking out of parental participation.
if he wants all day Sunday then you get Saturday. You do NOTHING Saturday for him/kids/house.
I would be tempted to organise a full day out for myself. And when you get home ask him what he's doing for dinner before you go off for a leisurely bath.
And you also get equivalent evening time off. His playing time should not be at the expense of your free time.
You are both parents. Not just you.

MatildaTheCat · 30/07/2025 13:03

My DH plays a lot of golf. He's semi retired so it’s not generally an issue.

However it does take a long time and takes most of the day. Or so thought. When the pandemic hit and when golf was finally reopened I discovered that if you arrived, went straight to the first tee and then left as soon as you finished it actually took up far, far less time. All that messing around beforehand and hanging around the clubhouse afterwards is the real pisstake.

If we had young DC I’d be happy with a very early tee on one weekend day but home by lunchtime and if that was stuck to then one early evening game in the summer.

Blanketwrap · 30/07/2025 13:12

MatildaTheCat · 30/07/2025 13:03

My DH plays a lot of golf. He's semi retired so it’s not generally an issue.

However it does take a long time and takes most of the day. Or so thought. When the pandemic hit and when golf was finally reopened I discovered that if you arrived, went straight to the first tee and then left as soon as you finished it actually took up far, far less time. All that messing around beforehand and hanging around the clubhouse afterwards is the real pisstake.

If we had young DC I’d be happy with a very early tee on one weekend day but home by lunchtime and if that was stuck to then one early evening game in the summer.

Yes, most golfers I know who have a young family, set out early and are home for lunch.

katmarie · 30/07/2025 13:39

Who's having the other two kids while you do the football drop off and pick up? Or has he not considered that?

Original poster

Southern1964 · 30/07/2025 15:44

IamnotSethRogan · 30/07/2025 12:37

Well how inconvenient is it for you to take your son to football ?

He moved his golf trip so id be inclined to be fine with it but it's up to you.

Yep. Think you're right. I don't really mind, but sometimes I'm thinking about principles, which take over.... I just need to chill a bit I think, and also take some more time for myself. I am a member of a really nice heath club/gym but work it around early mornings so not to disrupt, maybe I just need to start taking more time for me too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Southern1964 · 30/07/2025 15:46

CoffeeBeansGalore · 30/07/2025 12:57

Fine for after work. But next week he does the drop off/pick up for DS and he does an extra one if you usually split it. Any further mid week evening games are only on days when no kids clubs are on. Or he's yet again ducking out of parental participation.
if he wants all day Sunday then you get Saturday. You do NOTHING Saturday for him/kids/house.
I would be tempted to organise a full day out for myself. And when you get home ask him what he's doing for dinner before you go off for a leisurely bath.
And you also get equivalent evening time off. His playing time should not be at the expense of your free time.
You are both parents. Not just you.

Agree with this. I plan to start making more time for myself, so I'm not so highly strung when he does.

OP posts:

TravelPanic · 30/07/2025 15:48

Every single time he says “can I play golf tonight?” Say “yes and I’m off to the gym tomorrow night”. Either he’ll stop asking as he knows he’s always up for solo parenting the next evening, or he’ll accept that and then you’ll get lots of “me time” too. Win win.