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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12yr old DD flying solo? Am I crazy?

117 replies

Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 09:00

Posting here as I’m having mixed reactions from people. Also NC as I don’t want this to link to previous posts.
My dd12 is flying from Ireland to uk solo (she wants to) to stay with her GP and then her cousin.
I’m nervous at the idea and was mostly fine until I mentioned it to a few people…some of whom looked at me like I was crazy for allowing this! Am I? Will she be ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 09:20

Pyjamatimenow · 30/07/2025 09:16

Nope. Have you seen ‘Taken’?

Yes I have…thanks for that…

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 09:22

onlymethen · 30/07/2025 09:20

My daughter flew solo often from That age and then with her brother once he turned 12 and she was 14. The only thing I’d worry about is that she may get the travel bug. My daughter is currently in Australia and has been to over 50 countries at her last count.

She loves travelling yes 🤣 she’s already counting countries

OP posts:
MrMucker · 30/07/2025 09:33

Pyjamatimenow · 30/07/2025 09:16

Nope. Have you seen ‘Taken’?

Sorry to break this to you, but much as it is a fantastic film it isn't actually a documentary.

Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 09:48

MrMucker · 30/07/2025 09:33

Sorry to break this to you, but much as it is a fantastic film it isn't actually a documentary.

Show quote history

To be fair the girl actually leaves the airport in that…my dd is being met at the gate by her grandparents. If they are late(which they won’t) she’ll be prepped
on what to do

OP posts:
PestoHoliday · 30/07/2025 09:51

Honestly, it's a doddle. I did it myself from 11 and my child has from 13 (had other plans the year before, it wasn't as bout being the year older)

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 09:55

I wouldn't let someone that age fly alone, for various reasons (delays, emergencies, unruly passengers), however lots of folk would be fine with it. As long as the airline allows it, which you've already clarified, then it's your choice. How does the child feel about it? Edit - I see you've updated that she's keen.

stichguru · 30/07/2025 09:58

My cousins were about this age on solo flights to NZ! She'll be fine!

MageQueen · 30/07/2025 09:59

It was only today I discovered children are allowed to fly unaccompanied. This is pretty interesting and exciting - I can see DD being off to visit her cousins as soon as I allow her as she's desperate to see them more often and my brother would be happy to have her!

But OP, I agree with everyone else - this is entirely a decision based on your DD's skills and confidence. Arguably, it's not that different to a single train journey, but potentially a bit safer because of extra security and processes and staff and all the rest. I'd be insisting on things like fully charged phones and portable chargers so she can stay in touch, but I think if she's confident then go for it.

Iloveagoodnap · 30/07/2025 10:04

My only concern would be who she ends up sitting next to. I was once on a coach journey when a young woman came and asked the woman sitting across the aisle from me if she could sit next to her as the man sitting across from where she’d been sitting had been looking at her and masturbating. She was very upset and she was an adult so if a child got stuck next to a creep like that it would be awful. I know the chances of that happening would be very small but that would be my worry about the situation.

Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:08

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 09:55

I wouldn't let someone that age fly alone, for various reasons (delays, emergencies, unruly passengers), however lots of folk would be fine with it. As long as the airline allows it, which you've already clarified, then it's your choice. How does the child feel about it? Edit - I see you've updated that she's keen.

Edited

She is being dropped to the airport by her dad , he will stay on site until her plane takes off. So in the case of delays etc he will be there (albeit in the other side) but if it’s cancel then he will be there to get her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:08

Iloveagoodnap · 30/07/2025 10:04

My only concern would be who she ends up sitting next to. I was once on a coach journey when a young woman came and asked the woman sitting across the aisle from me if she could sit next to her as the man sitting across from where she’d been sitting had been looking at her and masturbating. She was very upset and she was an adult so if a child got stuck next to a creep like that it would be awful. I know the chances of that happening would be very small but that would be my worry about the situation.

This is my ultimate fear yes I must admit.

OP posts:
MageQueen · 30/07/2025 10:11

Iloveagoodnap · 30/07/2025 10:04

My only concern would be who she ends up sitting next to. I was once on a coach journey when a young woman came and asked the woman sitting across the aisle from me if she could sit next to her as the man sitting across from where she’d been sitting had been looking at her and masturbating. She was very upset and she was an adult so if a child got stuck next to a creep like that it would be awful. I know the chances of that happening would be very small but that would be my worry about the situation.

While I agree this probably is a risk, I actually feel on a plane, with a child who knows what to do and how to ask for help, it's MORE manageable than on most other forms of public transport. This sort of thing happens on busses ALL the time and children, girls, women all learn very quickly that if we say something or try to get away, it's very unlikely that we'll get any help or support.

On a plane however, the airline has a very different standard of care and staffing process so it's actually the one time I'd feel like you'd be in a much more reliable position of getting help.

The sad truth is that with our children, especially our girls, we have to teach them how to manage this from a ridiculously young age. A plane feels like a better option where she can manage it better than other places.

Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:13

MageQueen · 30/07/2025 10:11

While I agree this probably is a risk, I actually feel on a plane, with a child who knows what to do and how to ask for help, it's MORE manageable than on most other forms of public transport. This sort of thing happens on busses ALL the time and children, girls, women all learn very quickly that if we say something or try to get away, it's very unlikely that we'll get any help or support.

On a plane however, the airline has a very different standard of care and staffing process so it's actually the one time I'd feel like you'd be in a much more reliable position of getting help.

The sad truth is that with our children, especially our girls, we have to teach them how to manage this from a ridiculously young age. A plane feels like a better option where she can manage it better than other places.

Show quote history

How do I broach this possibility and coach her on it without freaking the shit out of her?! 😭

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 30/07/2025 10:15

Ireland to the UK is a short flight - no more than about an hour. If you take her to the airport and she knows what to do at departures, and is being met by DGPs, no problem surely.

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 10:16

Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:08

She is being dropped to the airport by her dad , he will stay on site until her plane takes off. So in the case of delays etc he will be there (albeit in the other side) but if it’s cancel then he will be there to get her.

Show quote history

There can be delays once on plane and once on the flight too. I just offered my view, only you can decide.

TheNightingalesStarling · 30/07/2025 10:17

Book her an aisle seat so she isn't boxed in.

Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:19

GreenCandleWax · 30/07/2025 10:15

Ireland to the UK is a short flight - no more than about an hour. If you take her to the airport and she knows what to do at departures, and is being met by DGPs, no problem surely.

Yeah it’s a 55min flight time in total

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:19

Morgenrot25 · 30/07/2025 10:16

There can be delays once on plane and once on the flight too. I just offered my view, only you can decide.

Show quote history

I’m well aware of that, it’s just so most bases are covered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:20

TheNightingalesStarling · 30/07/2025 10:17

Book her an aisle seat so she isn't boxed in.

Her dad booked her flight I’ll ask him

OP posts:
MageQueen · 30/07/2025 10:22

@Flyingfear85 I'm afraid that I don't believe you're doing your DD any favours by trying to hide the realities from her, especially if you are ALSO letting her have independence. The sad fact is that as a girl/young women, she will experience some version of sexual assualt/harassment, and she needs to know how to deal with it and have the confidence to say NO.

With both of my DC, I've made it clear that if adults or other people them uncomfortable, say things that seem too personal/inappropriate, touch them, or ask them to do things/go placse with them, it's 100% okay to say NO and/or to run away, or ask someone else for help. I can talk to them about this without discussing detailed sexual matters. DD, for example, udnerstands that sometimes men can be a little odd and like to get a bit too close to girls/teenagers and that really, that's not okay, and if it happens, she should shout or run away. We emphasise that most people are normal, kind, caring people, but that there are enough of the ones that are a bit off that she needs to know.

Both DC did martial arts when younger and the teacher was very firm on teaching them that they had every right to bodily autonomy and to feel comfortable. His self defense lessons prioritised running if they were uncomfortable, or going to another adult.

I've also always encouraged my chidlren to understand that "official" people are there to help - from police to the person working in Sainsburys.

So for your DD, the key thing is that she knows that if anything ghappens she's uncomfortable with, she should speak to the air steward. I'd also recommend aiming for a aisle seat for her.

Samscaff · 30/07/2025 10:22

If she’s done it before and feels confident I wouldn't worry. (When I first saw the headline of your post I thought you meant she would be flying the plane herself, which would be a different story!)

TempestTost · 30/07/2025 10:23

Flyingfear85 · 30/07/2025 10:13

How do I broach this possibility and coach her on it without freaking the shit out of her?! 😭

Show quote history

Tell her that if someone next to her is bothering her or being inappropriate in any way, she should get up and go to the end of the plane as if she is going to the toilet, and tell one of the staff.

UrbanFan · 30/07/2025 10:26

She sounds like a lovely girl and level headed. She's going from a small airport to another small airport and being met at the other end by people who love her.

So there is no chance they will let her down and will actually be there.

Let her do it. It's not a long haul flight to a foreign country. Even if the flight is diverted she has a phone to call you so you shouldn't worry.

Well you will worry, I know but let her do it.

Ohnobackagain · 30/07/2025 10:26

@Flyingfear85 sounds like she is pretty confident. I would just reiterate that if anyone does anything she is anxious about, or she feels unhappy generally, that she press the cabin crew ‘call’ button and politely ask to be moved and it will be ok. I am sure she will be fine though, I have friends who split up whose kids used to fly regularly between the parents (admittedly two kids) but that was long-haul!

Drivingthevengabus · 30/07/2025 10:26

Ahh this sounds like an amazing adventure for her, and it sounds like she's confident she can do it. I can completely understand your concerns, and all the 'what ifs' but chances are none of them will happen, and you can coach her for most situations. I think air travel is very safe and airport staff and cabin crew will be very supportive of her if she needs any help.

I agree with PP about booking her an aisle seat. I'd also probably book her near the front of the plane if possible so she's close to cabin crew.