Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cliquey colleagues

31 replies

Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 17:52

Two colleagues at work have formed a bit of a clique. I started a few months ago and they weren’t close before. We’re a small team of 6 and I’m the only other person their age so it feels a little deliberate.

Examples include going for lunch without inviting others, only talking to each other and not to me (I do make conversation but have given up now!), one let the door slam in my face the other day when I was right behind her - only got a sorry when I uttered a brusque thanks. If they’re announcing something work related to two of us, they’ll both only look at each other - it feels quite insidious and I feel left out.

how can I not let it get to me? There’s only so many times you can say how are you and ask about someone’s weekend without it being reciprocated. Today I mentioned something about a current affairs topic and one colleague just didn’t even reply - just left me hanging.

OP posts:
Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 17:52

I know it doesn’t sound much but all the examples add up and are starting to get to me.

we work in healthcare and are constantly in and together for all our shifts (office-based) and it feels very lonely!

OP posts:
something2say · 29/07/2025 17:56

Forget it. You are not there to socialize. They are rude but so what? Do your job. Dont let the poor standards of others drag you down. It won't be the last time this happens so learn to deal with it.

On a general level, never force yourself on people who are showing clear signs of not wanting you. Do your work and leave them to their lives.

X

HotTiredDog · 29/07/2025 17:58

Oh ignore them - I know it’s not easy, honestly I do - but as a PP said, do your job & don’t fall to their level. Sod ‘em!!

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:02

I get it and I’m lucky where in the rest of my life I have never had to or tried force myself onto others. But I’m a cheerful and friendly person and I do struggle with not making any effort or conversation all day. It really brings me down

OP posts:
UnderCoverB0ss · 29/07/2025 18:06

Why are you bothered about befriending a couple of horrible people? All you need to do is go to work, do your job and go home. That said letting doors shut in your face and consciously ignoring you is out of order. I’d keep a diary of events just to cover myself in case it escalates.

SleepyRedPanda · 29/07/2025 18:09

I’m not sure two people are really a clique; surely they are just good friends who keep to themselves.

Whilst I appreciate it gets to you, I do agree that ignoring them and reminding yourself they aren’t the kind of people you want to be friends with anyone is the best action to take.

Ultimately is there another department that you can transfer to? Being unhappy in work is awful and getting away from it can make such a difference.

Catherine3436 · 29/07/2025 18:10

Head some headphones and a good playlist/podcast etc and find your own peace. They are dicks but don’t leave yourself hanging for their attention.

CopperWhite · 29/07/2025 18:12

What about the other people in your team? Do you get on with them? It doesn’t really matter what ages people are. Being middle aged I have friends at work that are 20 years older than me and 20 years younger.

I don’t think 2 people from a group of six developing a closer friendship is a clique. But they shouldn’t be rude and it sounds like they have been. Keep a record of things and consider taking it to your boss. Things like them having lunch together is fine. Ignoring you and letting a door shut in your face is not.

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:14

Thanks everyone - no I get that. The added layer is that 3 of us are junior and there are 3 senior people who are constantly in an out. They weren’t friends before I joined. It just feels like my arrival has bonded them together

OP posts:
Dodeedoo · 29/07/2025 18:17

They sound like dicks

FloraBotticelli · 29/07/2025 18:19

I’ve been in a similar situation at work before and it sucks. When they’re all the people you see at work, it really matters.

Since then we’ve had a lot of department changes and new people join at my work, so those two have faded into the background and I can see more clearly that they’re just cliquey and crap at human empathy and inclusion. They don’t take up any headspace anymore.

So my advice to you would be to focus on other things, other people, and ignore them! They’re shit, won’t change and aren’t what you need. Move to pastures new in your mind and outlook, if not a new job! Look elsewhere for your social and networking needs.

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:23

Thanks so much. Reason I would describe it as a clique rather than a friendship is the way they behave. Like schoolgirls really. Eg we went out for a sandwich the other day and one said she’d grab something from the shop I was going to. The other one replied, but won’t you come and join me?! accompanied by big sad face. You know the thing, doing everything together, very exclusive / exclusionary vibes.

OP posts:
roseymoira · 29/07/2025 18:25

That isn’t a clique, it’s just a friendship that they are allowed to have.

People go to lunch with friends, why would they have to invite others?

I don’t think she meant to let the door close on you, sounds like she didn’t see you there and said sorry. All sounds like a non event

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:26

Second is there’s a bit of bullying going on and a real hot / cold mentality. So many small comments. I took a photo with them and main aggressor commented how they both looked beautiful (yeah I know). Or for example me saying something innocuous and same girl commenting, just get over it.

ive worked in small places before and this feel pointed somehow. Obviously people can be friends with who they like but it feels purposeful and intentional. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
beelegal · 29/07/2025 18:27

Do not even attempt to join them or be part of that clique. Such groups can be very toxic.

You are far better out of that. Move to another section if it really bothers you.

Dodeedoo · 29/07/2025 18:31

They sound like immature little bitches. I know that doesn’t make it easier :( I would try to find something else because I just couldn’t be arsed with. We spend so much time in work so the environment needs to be a positive one

GoneAlready · 29/07/2025 18:33

I don’t know why people are telling you to just ignore them. You’re with these people the whole of your working week, which is a big chunk of your waking hours. Human beings are social animals, of course it’s normal to struggle if you’re being frozen out by these two.

I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions - it does sound like a kind of bullying, but quite a subtle/covert kind, so could be quite hard to raise with HR. But short of that, I don’t know what else you could do. Apart from look for another job, of course. Just wanted to say it sounds horrible and I feel for you.

Droopyavocado · 29/07/2025 18:38

I'd stop bothering with them. Just be professional, talk to other people. Things change over time. It's not about you, they just aren't very nice. Yes they can be friends. But why exclude one other person from conversation at work. It's rude and immature.

Smilesinthesunshine · 29/07/2025 18:53

I had this in a previous job and it was soul destroying. In our team there were two female managers and another female, all around my age. They made a point of ignoring me every day and loudly discussed where they were going for lunch, or what gigs they were looking forward to going to together. Every opportunity they could find my work was critised and they were constantly making sarcastic comments about me. Luckily there was a team of lovely guys in the same office and they all befriended me having overheard the ongoing bullying. In the end I had to leave as it was too much to cope with. People are saying ignore them, but that is easier said than done.

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:55

I’m so sorry to hear @Smilesinthesunshine

i think I will need to look for somewhere a little bigger

what do these people get out of it? I couldn’t imagine treating my worst enemy like this

OP posts:
Dodeedoo · 29/07/2025 18:56

Smilesinthesunshine · 29/07/2025 18:53

I had this in a previous job and it was soul destroying. In our team there were two female managers and another female, all around my age. They made a point of ignoring me every day and loudly discussed where they were going for lunch, or what gigs they were looking forward to going to together. Every opportunity they could find my work was critised and they were constantly making sarcastic comments about me. Luckily there was a team of lovely guys in the same office and they all befriended me having overheard the ongoing bullying. In the end I had to leave as it was too much to cope with. People are saying ignore them, but that is easier said than done.

Made me sad reading this. I hate people sometimes ffs. Glad you are out of it ❤️

Original poster
Difficultppl · 29/07/2025 18:57

For context one of them criticised me in front of the team recently so I grew some balls and pulled her into a room to let her know that I wouldn’t be tolerating that behaviour. I couched it in nicer words but still

OP posts:
Vivienne1000 · 29/07/2025 18:59

That can actually be classed as bullying in the work place. But do you even want to be friends with people like them? Rise above them and stay professional. Expand your own social life out of work and concentrate on being happy.

Mary46 · 29/07/2025 19:02

Op not nice I think keep it polite thats it. I had a crap year with a moody driver we do school route. It def gets you down.. Grown women can be mean. Just keep your head down. I hate cliques

Branleuse · 29/07/2025 19:07

I feel like this at my job. Its making me miss my old job tbh!

It isnt helpful when people are like "why do you even care"?
Because we spend a lot of time at work, and i need to feel like im part of a team. Not an outsider! I dont expect to go to work and to be made to feel like people dont particularly like me. Its not something I can just ignore. It makes me feel anxious