To not sell the house?

[Whydidthechickencross]

Quick backstory: Separated 2 years, 2 DC (6&4), completely amicable, done mediation and agreed on everything. No issues here. He's living back at home as housing crisis (we're not in UK), price for rent astronomical etc. Agreed to sell family home and both buy again.

Getting to the main point. We are at the stage where the sale will go through shortly for the family home. I cannot find a house to buy, he cannot find a house to buy (housing stock shortage). Have ample equity, mortgage approval etc. I have no choice if the sale goes through but to rent, he'll still be stuck at home with parents and not able to take kids overnight (his mum has people renting rooms as her retirement income, this will not change). He can't rent and pay me maintenance (rent is twice a mortgage payment). He is over here every day seeing the kids, and has to look after them here on his days when I work etc. Equity money will just be sitting in low interest account FYI when selling.

Suggestion is that we stop the sale, he moves into this house and takes over mortgage, bills etc (house still in both names and mortgage continues to be paid off and any equity 50/50 down the line). I rent and we then go to giving kids a proper routine as according to mediation agreement with overnights with both. At present neither of us has any remote privacy or free time because everything centres around this house. If I even need a break I have to go away somewhere, as does he because of living with his parents. Financially will suit us both and it's fair on both of us (FYI I do not like living in the house because our marriage ended straight after buying it, I'm desperate for a fresh start as such).

Housing market is so volatile, we believe this is best going forward the next year or two. We have the safety net of still owning the house god forbid something happened to one of us. We get along perfectly (marriage a death by a thousand cuts, nothing major). We co-parent brilliantly, spend all big says together, Christmas together etc. But this affords both of us time and space as well as a solid routine for the kids.

AIBU to halt the sale and see how it goes? We agreed we'd get a legal written agreement with our solicitor to this effect just to protect us both. Or should I bank the cash, move and rent and have the same situation as I'm in now?

Can he pay a mortgage on current house on his own ? It might be ok while you are on current deal but at renewal he will need to pass affordability and if he is paying you maintenance might become an issue

Yes, he would be able to afford to cover everything on the house as well as pay me maintenance. We would both be financially comfortable and no issues with the mortgage, we are on a long fixed term. He has a state job which pretty much guarantees his mortgage.

Do what works for you.
You can always revisit in a couple of years.

I appreciate that you don’t like the house, but can you afford the mortgage, or a mortgage? If you’re in Sydney, for example, you would probably be giving the kids a lot more security if you can afford to stay in the housing market long term.

It does make sense for one of you to keep the house, but you should think carefully about whether you can manage it yourself. If you can manage the mortgage, then if you rearrange some furniture and make it look different, maybe light some candles or get some room spray, you might find you can live with it?

If the house is sold, will your share of the equity be enough for a deposit on another, possibly smaller, house?

Also if you are on a long fixed term, is there a penalty if you sell the house, thereby repaying the mortgage early?

@Gremlinsateit no penalty if selling it before the term ends. I'd still effectively be in the housing market as we'd both continue to own the house, he'll just live in it and take over all bills etc. My compensation as such for paying rent on my own place is that any money accrued in equity will still be split 50/50 when we do sell down the line.

I could afford the by mortgage myself, or to rent, it makes no difference to me. There is literally no housing stock at present, not for months (I am not fussy on downsizing etc! Equity is in 6 figures each and enough to secure another house). Just with the way things are neither of us has any chance of a proper routine or life that doesn't revolve around this one house. We both acknowledge that we deserve our own privacy and space, and the kids a solid routine. We're just trying to find the best way around it now as the housing market is so restrictive!

Just to add, the marriage ended pretty much as soon as we moved in here. I have felt trapped and never been able to settle here, plus this house was his choice not mine. It's never felt like home, just a temporary stop gap with an ever revolving door. A new place would mean my own front door, amd proper boundaries in place for us all.

I know you mention this just being for a year or two. Have you spoken about what would happen if either of you meet someone new?

If either of you make plans with a new partner in this time it could potentially have a knock on effect on the other and cause disagreement. Something you would need to consider and have agreement on.

@Lizchaz so we have agreed in mediation that if either one of us was to meet someone we would wait a minimum of one year before any sort of introduction. Granted this is just an agreement, but there's nothing that's happened in the last two years to indicate either of us would go against that (I certainly don't want to live with anyone again).

My position is really going to remain the same. I will move out and rent. The only real question is whether to just bank the cash and leave him where he is, or give both of us the opportunity now to have our own place for the next year or two. I don't know if I'm being completely blind here and there's something I'm missing, hence the post!

You've thought of everything I would. It sounds like the most sensible option for your family.