I'm jealous of my benefit fraud friend

[MorningCoffees2]

I know this is stupid, but it's occupying my thoughts more than it should. Me and my friend both work hard, I work in a legal job where I pay tax etc and get nothing from the government. He gets full universal credits as he is officially unemployed, however he also works aound 40 hours in a restaurant. He gets around £1000/month from UC plus maybe £1700 in pay from his job. His hourly pay is less than mine, but I have to pay tax, national insurance and I get no help from the government. I know I get holiday and sick pay, but it doesn't feel like it really makes up for our difference in income.

He's 27 and absolutely minted. He has so much disposable income, he thought nothing of buying the latest iPhone, whereas my phone is old and crap, my colthes are old and even when they were 'new' to me, they were actually second hand.

I couldn't do what he is doing because I would find it too stressful, but he has no issues with it. He's not stressed, he's very happy, he's rich...

The only downside I can see is that he might get caught, but that's pretty unlikely. It just feels so unfair.

Everyone would be constantly in therapy if they talked to a professional every time they had an irrational negative emotion.

Well it is, but it's true that he's in a vulnerable position. Every reason for his employer to be investigated, I think.

I can actually empathise with feeling "jealous" or hard done by as I've had an extraordinary run of bad luck over the last 5 years. Five close bereavements, all sorts of interpersonal difficulties, loss of secure home, loss of business etc etc.

I've isolated myself because I no longer fit in with the crowd I ran with since my DP died, they're mostly couples with a certain amount of financial security, while I'm in my mid 59s and my series of unfortunate events has left me a "failure" in society's eyes in almost every direction.

But my feelings and my depression are my problems. Life is what it is and the only constant thing is change, and I will figure out how to improve things. But no amount of comparing myself to my friends with their successful business, living partners or inherited houses will achieve that. And they've all had their issues and tragedies.

Material success can be transient, even the best laid plans can be scuppered by a left field occurrence.

Jealousy is a deflection of low self esteem onto others, partly when we feel powerless, and partly because it's easier than examining where we could do things differently. My toddler brain has regular tantrums, and I put myself in time out until I'm able to rationalise all the pain and discomfort I'm feeling that isn't anybody else's fault, and wouldn't be changed even if those who have intentionally wronged me - and there are some - got their come uppance. It's unfortunately just the way my cookies have crumbled.

So, if this particular situation is bringing really uncomfortable thoughts and feelings up for you OP, it might be time to do a bit of self exploration and self care moving forward. Life is messy and complicated because we are messy and complicated.

The barometer of happiness is having the latest iPhone, apparently.

Perhaps ask him if there are any jobs going at his restaurant and join him?

But many do, they think they're cleverer than the rest of us, ripping off the government. Not understanding that this money is paid from out taxes.

@MistressoftheDarkSide Are we both waiting for kebab shop?

Why do you think so many people use food banks?

I'm so sorry for all that you've gone through, I really hope life gets easier for you. I do need to work on myself, we are indeed messy and complicated creatures.

I am not saying people don't commit benefit fraud, but would they brag about it? surely if they were really dishonest they wouldn't be so brazen? Its why I'm sceptical.

I know. It was meant to be sarcastic lol.

You are half correct in my case, I think. I admit I don't know anyone committing fraud personally but I know it happens because there are stories in the paper. I myself am on UC,Limited Capacity Work and PIP, I'm in a paid for by benefits flat (adpated because I am disabled) and I have care workers coming in. So I am on benefits but possibly the sort with a low rate of fraud and because most of the people I know are in same position as me (the disabled community) so I'm probably the wrong demographic of benefits claimant. I even needed someone to fill the form in for me so I would be very bad at knowing how to game the system! 😂

I meant they do brag. They just don't see that they're taking OUR money, just from some huge Government pot. Too stupid to understand taxes.

I don't know why people think this is made up, of course people commit benefit fraud, in some circles it's the done thing so people don't feel the need to hide it.
I worked in a company years back where there was a canteen. One of the regular canteen staff left suddenly, I assumed they had become ill and another canteen lady told me she had 'got caught out', which I was told meant that she had 2 NI numbers, one for work and one for benefits and she was caught by DWP so work were obliged to sack her. I was completely incredulous about this and was told I'd lead a very sheltered life!

Good luck @MorningCoffees2
Your feelings are understandable. You are definitely not alone, judging by the number of posts all over social media expressing jealousy for people who claim benefits.

Believe me but people do.
I hear you OP and I have had similar feelings myself but remember that it is you that is costing your head space, not his.
Fwiw, OP's post isn't benefit bashing

It's unusual that his employer wouldn't put him down for a day or two on the books, restaurant's are checked by revenue for black market staff, at least then he'd be covered.
Report his employer.
Report your friend.

This is MN. Everyone will accuse OP of lying and being very defensive about benefit fraud.

There can only be one explanation. All these people who protest so much at these threads are at it themselves. They are all ripping off the taxpayer, hence the fierce defensiveness and pile on to the OP.

There really is no hope for this country. The stealing and thieving is out of control and simply just a way of life for so many benefits claimants.

You can’t gaslight people anymore into believing that it just doesn’t exist. People can see it with their own eyes all around them.

There’s no way a restaurant is paying that much in cash in hand! A manual labor job for a friend, I’d believe but an established business of a restaurant is very hard to believe that they’re paying an employee who works full time under the table risking their business in the process.

OP, report the fraud set and thief for sure. People on MN will tell you not to, because of their own vehement guilt, but it’s not on.

This right here, unless you’ve experienced people bragging about conning the system it’s pretty unbelievable. My ex’s mum would sit there and laugh about how she was claiming full wack pip and uc benefits for ‘anxiety’. She said she got it because she told them her anxiety was so bad she hadn’t left the house in 2 years and physically is unable to… she sits in the pub day and night every single day and then weekend goes to raves.

I also know someone who openly rents out her council flat and has done for the past 6+ years. People will be open about conning the system for their financial benefits yet genuine people can’t gain access to what they need

Honestly, his life doesn't sound that good. He's doing night shifts with no career progression, and no pension scheme. He won't be able to use the work for a CV, because it's off the books. If HMRC investigate that restaurant (which sounds very likely if he's foolish enough to blab to all and sundry), that will be him out of a job, and being prosecuted for benefit fraud.

Once he's got a criminal record for benefit fraud, his opportunities for legitimate employment will be very limited, and he, as far as I know, won't be able to claim benefits until he's paid back the money he fraudulently claimed.

I'd strongly advise him to get a job with a business that doesn't do cash-in-hand. He'd probably be able to claim UC as a top-up benefit.

Agreed - I've heard similar. You really do need to hear it with your own ears and it really isn't benefit bashing. It's horror at the greedy, selfish people who ruin a well-intentioned system for those who really need it and those who support it (tax payers).