My husband recently has had a diagnosis of autism and ocd, he says he is burnt out from work and stress, which I can understand, but his behaviour at home is getting unbearable, and I would like to know if this is due to his diagnosis or him just being difficult.
He is critical of me - i can't win, im either too messy or when I clean things ie. Clothes washing, i haven't done it right, like ive intentionally not washed his stuff, or not hung it up straight away, or if ive tidied ive moved his stuff then he cant find it, because its been sat there for so long and ive got fed up looking at it. He makes jokes that im lazy, that i don't do anything all day (we have a 1, 5 and 7 year old) while he works 5 days per week. Ive told him i dont like it but he keeps doing it. I have adhd so it is a big trigger for me. I do work 3 days a week as well.
Irritated by others making noises - twirling hair, clicking nails, me singing, tells me not to,
If im too over the top or seem happy he is very critical and seems like im getting the third degree and suspecting im drunk because im a recovering alcoholic, says im being too much
He constantly puts me down, and if I've spent ages doing something like a hobby or cooking, the height of his praise is oh yeah, well done
He is putting so much investment into his diagnoses, buying things like meta glasses and new headphones, Loops, books etc. And keeps saying i need to change how i act and make allowances for him, but when I needed help as ive struggled with depression and anxiety, he didnt make the effort to read anything as he is dyslexic. I get that hes trying to come to terms with his diagnosis but its like everything is about it, and nobody else's needs matter. Its just very draining, im Constantly walking on eggshells and the atmosphere in the house is so depressing.
Makes me afraid to be myself because of criticism and being shut down
Constantly asking me to reassure him over and over again about his worries like if he should be concerned about his car having a fault or not locked (it doesnt, and it always is)
Gets himself ready and doesnt think about others, doesnt seem to consider anyone else's feelings but hypocrite, he makes out things are for others but actually they benefit him
He can't ever blame himself for anything - its always someone else's fault
Has massive meltdowns say if his hair isn't going right, which scares the children as he throws his hairbrush or hits an object
His interactions with kids - they don't understand when he is joking, he goes from playing to angry in seconds, and finds their noise overwhelming, so storms off.
He doesnt spend time with them, or when he tries to they don't want to anymore
I feel like i am constantly going out of my way to please him and do things for him to soothe him but don't get very much in return
I give him lifts to work 1/2 times per week because he gets too stressed out leaving his car in a public car park in case someone knocks it
He doesnt seem interested in what anyone has to say, appears rude, particularly with my mum
He knows a lot of his behaviour isnt nice, but now its like hes saying a lot of it he cant change because its his autism.
Im just getting to my wits end and dont know how long i can carry on like this, its exhausting.