Is this a normal way to be as a single mother?

[CallieMcNalleee]

I am a single mother. I do everything. My son has a hobby that takes up many, many hours of my week. I have thrown myself into it and I love it. I love watching him excel. He is so happy and he has found his people. He is ND and struggles with school. I take him to school for 7:45 every day, pick him up at 3:30, cook tea, clean, take him to his club, get him home, bath, bed, cleaning, and repeat. Always doing something fun on the weekends. He sees his dad one day every other weekend between 10 and 4, and for 3 days every end of term holiday. His dad lives some distance away and isn't a good or kind man. Contact is court ordered and I would never actively choose to give him more time. He wouldn't do it anyway.

When my son is away, I don't know what to do with myself. My house feels empty. I can't relax. Partly because I worry about how he is doing with his dad, but partly because I have so little time to myself that when I do, I feel a bit lost.

Is this just motherhood? Single motherhood? Or is it just not normal?

Having a difficult evening.

Well, it's your normal, but is it healthy or good for either of you?

I think it's good for my son. His hobby helps him, he loves it, it's a big jolly with his friends and he gets some exercise and sleeps better, eats better, is so excited to go. He's never asked me not to.

It feels good for me at the time. His hobby is like a break for me, I sit with the other parents or read a book. I look forward to it.

It's when I'm on my own that I struggle.

Yes, this was my “normal” when I was a single mum, it can be very lonely. I found forums and internet connections helped, I would save films for myself to watch during the time and tried to reframe it as “me” time, but it was hard.

As a single parent yes its normal yes but it is also healthy for you to have some time on yourself and to prioritise yourself while he's away. Do you have friends you can meet for lunch or do stuff with?

I think many of us with ND children can fall into a trap of being ‘on’ all the time and it’s very hard to adjust when you don’t have to be ‘on’.
Over time you will adapt.

If your ex is an arse it’s impossible not to worry about your child when they are with someone you don’t trust. All you can do is make things as smooth as possible for your child.

Not sure how old your son is but will he be moving away to uni at 18? Some mums are devastated as nothing else in life.

I think you sound as though you’re doing a fantastic job, single or not you really do come across as a lovely engaged mum. I’m not a single mother but my son has reached the age where he is becoming a lot more independent. Obviously, I’m at work in the day but with the light nights and especially with school holidays he’s often out of the house on an evening and you know what? I hate it. I feel lost and anxious and just wish he was at home! The majority of conversations me and my husband have when our son isn’t here is about our son!

my husband works away a lot or often, as is the case tonight, works nights, my son is out at his friends and is due back by 9.30 and I genuinely havnt got a clue where to put myself! I just think for me, I’m bored when I’m on my own! So, yeah, I guess for a lot of us, particularly if you’re like me and don’t want or havnt got your own hobbies, it is normal!

I'm a single parent, although my youngest is almost an adult now. They saw their dad very infrequently so they were with me 99 percent of the time, but when they did spend a few days with him it was really strange. I work and was quite busy, but it was the evenings that seemed excessively long, whereas normally I'd find it hard to fit everything in and have any time to myself.
Even now my son spends most of his time in his room, if he's not there for any length of time it feels weird. Having someone upstairs who occasionally pops down is very different to an empty house.

He's 6 😅