To avoid my niece

[Moonlitflitter]

It's a long one sorry
I recently went on a UK cottage holiday with my two sisters their partners my niece (14) and my two children.
"DH" was supposed to come with us too but since booking we have separated.
I have two young children and only decided to go last minute because I was assured of help with them and they didn't mind etc
My oldest boy is copying everything at the moment and DN kept putting her middle finger up at him and teaching him swear words
My youngest is still in a bassinet and my DN took him for a walk while I was doing bedtime with the older one.
When I came back from bedtime baby was screaming his head off niece was marching back down the driveway jolting the pram and then pushed the pram at me telling me to fuck off with my screaming kids.
I calmed baby down and then went to check she was ok and if she wanted to talk about it.
I asked her not to swear/show him the middle finger and she told me she would do what she liked as it was her holiday and I shouldn't be there.
Overnight I packed up our stuff and left with the children at first light.
I told my sisters & their partners of my plan to leave and left before everyone woke the next morning.
Since everyone has been back my sister has asked me to look after DN overnight a few times or to come here for coffee and I've said no for my children's safety.

That’s sad, I wonder what’s going on with her… seems like more than feeling put upon.

Anyway, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing. If nothing else she’s seen that her words can have consequences. Suppose it’s what she does with that information that decides whether you go back to how things were. Hope you’re all ok.

i can’t imagine being 14 and telling my aunt to “fuck off”…the trouble I would’ve been in! Did her parents go in on her for this? Im shocked she told you to fuck off and since then her parents have had the nerve to ask you to babysit her. They need to wise up! Don’t blame you one bit for wanting nothing to do with her.

For the sake of your DC, stay away from her in 'trapped' situations and only see her when ther parents will be able to see her behaviour and you can easily walk away. I'd probably give it a good break of 3 months too and hope it's just a phase for her.

Honestly you and your sisters are the adults here so why hasn’t this been dealt with by you and them? Where were they when you were putting your older child to bed and your niece had the baby? Why weren't they helping her when she was clearly getting overwhelmed by a screaming baby?
The swearing thing isn’t that big a deal, middle finger deffo not a big deal. Swear words maybe not great- but again should have been dealt with by the adults. 14 can be a tricky and hormonal time for girls, being on a holiday with a screaming baby and an annoying child would probably push many teenagers to act out. She maybe misses her Auntie and is jealous of your children taking away her relationship with you also…