‘Built not bought’

[danglingcarrots]

I keep seeing posts on social media (TikTok, Instagram etc) with someone celebrating graduating uni with lots of pictures and captions about the fact they are the first generation to do so, that they managed to get good GCSEs and A levels despite going to a bad state school and being on pupil premium, some also with difficult family dynamics.

These posts about their achievements are often accompanied by the title and hashtag ‘built not bought’ with others commenting messages along the lines of ‘same here, just graduated with a first, state school, FSM, single mum, first in the family to go to uni #builtnotbought’

I understand celebrating achievements, especially if there has been extra hardship, but is this a bit diminishing towards others who have gained degrees etc whilst not coming from a disadvantaged background? The ‘not bought’ bit just makes it sound like others are handed everything.

You can be proud of your achievements (as they should be) without denigrating others.

It's very obvious that many of us with privilege find it very hard to acknowledge that privilege.

But if a young person went to private school without a full bursary someone did buy their education, in the sense that they paid for it?

The education was not bought. The place at the school was bought and the child then either works to achieve an education or not.

They are proud that the odds were against them for succeeding, not making a statement about people or generations who had financial help getting to the same point.

I don’t think that the hashtag is great but being annoyed by this is like being jealous of people who get FSM vouchers or something. It’s not designed to annoy you.

Plus it’s social media. It’s not nuanced enough to have a hash tag that incorporates the idea that you can have privilege in non-financial ways eg supportive parents.

I'm fully aware of my privilege. Although we were poor growing up, my parents prioritised education and it was always assumed we would go to uni. My dc are privileged and I have made sure that they are aware of the fact.

I have nothing but admiration for people who overcome major obstacles to achieve a good education. However, that does not mean I or my dc did not work our asses off for our education. it just means we had fewer obstacles and we are grateful for that.

It stemmed from the car scene years ago where those of us who modified / built / fixed our own cars with our own hands learning along the way felt a bit superior to those who handed the car and a wad of cash over to a garage or specialist to do the work. There was definitely gravitas behind doing the grunt work and relishing in the highs and lows along the way.

Now it seems to be crassly applied to situations out of context! Although I’ve used it to describe when I’ve bought cheap horses and produced them myself rather than buying ready made and ready produced ones.

My two state school educated DCs said that a very large proportion of the people they met at their (RG) unis had been to private school, so statistically independently educated students make a disproportionately large section of their cohorts compared to school age. DD also said that there was not a huge amount of mixing and that the 'posh kids' were not so concerned about getting good degrees because they had nepo-jobs to go to. DS, less controversially, said that the privately educated students had been taught Harvard referencing and other useful undergrad skills not taught at state school, which gave them an advantage. Both claimed they knew people who didn't have student loans and didn't need to get p/t jobs because their parents were funding them fully. Anything like these points must surely make those from less advantaged backgrounds feel that they are disadvantaged and have to try harder.

It’s acknowledging the extra work they’ve had to put in. If someone takes that as some sort of personal attack or criticism that’s their problem and they should probably ask themselves why they feel so defensive just seeing a hashtag

Another aspect is that privilege is intersectional and really not that straightforward to identify.

Someone could have all of the wealth in the world and private tutors, and cold, uninterested, absent parents that provide little to no emotional security and warmth.

Someone else could be born on a council estate in poverty with parents who value education as a means of bettering oneself, offer frequent library trips, and instil a love of reading and respect for education.

(I'm the latter, and I've met a few 'rich kids' who really struggled as everything was always handed to them on a place, so it didn't come naturally to them to work hard at something, or they had no impetus to study as they knew they'd be minted regardless. I've met some kids raised in poverty with a drive to succeed and pull themselves out of poverty)

Life isn't black and white. I had an enormous privilege in having parents who loved me, taught me to read, encouraged me, despite the addiction/criminality etc. in my family.

It's not just acknowledging the extra work they put in. It is also disparaging the achievements of those who didn't have the same financial struggles by stating they bought their achievements. It comes across as bitter and petty.

Yes that’s exactly what I thought. This is clearly a touchy subject for some.

As someone who very much falls into the bought category, as do my children, I’m very happy to accept that some kids need to work harder than mine did to achieve the same outcome. That should be celebrated and recognised.