To suddenly be terrified of flying

[SaferintheAir]

And have booked a holiday, and now not want to go.

Dh, and I have had the trip arranged for a good few months now, and we are due to fly on Friday. I have flown many many times before and have always been fine about it, enjoyed it even. We had no foreign holidays for almost a decade, then went last year for the first time with our dcs; we encountered a fair bit of turbulence, and the seat belt sign was on for a good portion of the flight, which surprised me, along with a bumpy landing. Since we booked the holiday I was still okay with everything despite that. However, for some reason this week, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am suddenly petrified, and do want to go on holiday, but I'm scared of flying! Dcs are really excited and counting down the days, meaning I have had to hide this anxiety. I am incredibly grateful to be going on holiday, but fear is spoiling the build up, and I don't know what to do about it!
Dh reminds me that it is more dangerous to travel on the roads, but I feel that in the air you don't have a chance in hell of escaping, and then flying over water is making me even more terrified. 🤢

How do I get past this? I have been on loads of planes in my life, and this isn't even a long haul! For some reason this year it is causing me a lot of anxiety. We have been through so much as a family, and this holiday is very much needed.

Bump

Your DH is right, driving is far more dangerous than flying. But I do understand your fear, I was absolutely fine with flying, actually enjoyed it before kids but find it pretty stressful now. I don’t avoid it though, because rationally I know it’s a teeny tiny risk that is absolutely worth taking. I’m pretty risk adverse and actually as I’ve got older I’ve realised that in itself is risky, because if you worry about everything you miss out on lots.

I was in an emergency landing once, the plane wasn’t in danger, but they couldn’t get the cabin temperature to stabilise, and the pilot said he wasn’t going to fly over the Atlantic with something not quite right. It would have cost the airline a huge amount to turn around and was a huge ball ache, but showed they really put safety above everything else.

Where are you going?

Thank you for replying. I have Clobazam as an intimittent drug for a health condition. I am considering taking that as a precaution, and praying it will help. I honestly feel perplexed as to where this fear has came from. I have lost my appetite, and I'm just eating to fuel (please excuse the pun)!
I think you're right, maybe it is rooted in my mind from my experience last year. Life is for living, and I'm trying to tell myself that. Dh assured me if we came down on water, the impact would kill us instantly, and we wouldn't drown! 😱I have been through every single scenario with him, and he has tried logically, amd statistically to put my mind at rest. It hasn't worked; god help me sleep the night before!

Oh goodness, that must have been really unnerving. I relate to getting older; I am so much more aware of mortality now, and my dcs add an additional layer as well. When I was younger, I was fearless and thought nothing could happen naively! I cannot even get some sort of CBT due to it hitting me this close to going. I have packed dc's cases, but dreading my own. You would think the more you have travelled the braver you would become, but nope, I'm a nervous wreck!

Phobias aren’t rational, you can know that it’s statistically safe or whatever but you keep visualising the crash.

I had a fear of flying that meant I didn’t get on a plane for a decade. What genuinely and weirdly helped (this was a Paul McKenna technique) was instead of trying to shut down imagining crash scenarios was to allow my brain to think about them but give them a stupid ending which made the plane fine. E.g. the engines are on fire and the plane plummets into the sea, it skims the water like a stone, the water puts the fire in the engines out and the plane flies to safety. I pictured the plane falling to the ground, landing on a giant trampoline and bouncing back into the sky. Rehearsing these mental scenarios instead of trying to stop thinking about it kind of rewired my brain. Breathing exercises and keeping busy in the flight also helped.

Try downloading and listening to this:

https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/fears-phobias/fear-flying?_gl=12lpwz8_upMQ.._gaMTcyMTg0MTIwNC4xNzUzNzAxMjk5_ga_F5NSCT9WFQ*czE3NTM3MDEyOTgkbzEkZzAkdDE3NTM3MDEyOTgkajYwJGwwJGgw

it should help

Actually it wasn’t remotely scary, quite annoying as we were going to New York for a weekend so I was mostly worried we wouldn’t be able to go (we did they put us on a new flight a few minutes after landing). It was a bit too hot and then a bit too cold, then repeat. The pilot came on as we were going over Ireland and said I’m not happy so turning around, probably fine but not prepared to take any risks at all. He flew around London a few times because he also didn’t want to land with lots of fuel in the plane. They fed us all the food, landed back at Heathrow, bumped everyone off a plane that wasn’t full, loaded us back on and we were about 5/6 hours delayed in the end. All very calm and boring. It’s honestly so, so rare for a flight to get into trouble as every time it happens they investigate and prevent it from happening again.

Landing in Majorca when it was a bit windy was definitely worse (and obviously completely fine, just a bit wobbly).

I developed a fear of flying in my early 20s, I’d been nervous about it since I was a young teenager, but still flew a lot, but once it became my own choice rather than family holidays I just opted out until I met DH who basically told me to suck it up! I had a few rough flights where I threw up in the queue/as we boarded/as we took off but after DD was born I got over it, I had her to keep me occupied and I also didn’t want her to be scared. I work with travel industry people and one ex cabin crew person said to me to take my cues from the crew - even if it feels bad, if they are chilled, carrying on with drinks service etc everything is fine. Some flights will also keep the seatbelt sign on so that people don’t get in the crew’s way while they do food or when the pilots leave the flight deck to use the toilet, so seatbelt sign doesn’t always mean they are expecting turbulence, so don’t think that if the seatbelt sign goes on it’s definitely going to be bumpy!

I developed a fear of flying about 8 years ago after an awful experience with turbulence. I've never let it stop me fly though. I find keeping distracted is the best thing - take a book, some puzzles to do or download podcasts or films. Until recently I've always had a drink to calm the nerves but this year I flew whilst pregnant so couldn't drink. I honestly felt more relaxed than ever, so perhaps alcohol exacerbates the anxiety!

I developed a fear of flying in my 20’s after I stopped going on family holidays.

since having my own children I am much better. I think because I know I have to stay calm and collected for them and I repeat the phrases out loud to them like ‘we are just flying through a cloud at the moment’ etc.

but I have taken diazepam a few times… although not sure I’d recommend it when you need to look after children!

I never used to be scared either, but for some reason lately I get really anxious when taking off and landing, horrible images go through my mind! I know it’s so unlikely to happen, and I still go on holiday, but it really gets to me now and it never used to before. I’m a mum now but it didn’t start until just a few years ago and DS is 13 so that’s not it. Maybe news stories got to me or something. Good luck OP, I just try and immerse myself in Netflix or something, try not to think about it at all.

@SaferintheAir remember the pilots want yo land safely as much as you do and this is their job, they fly all the time and safety is paramount. If they have any concerns about the plane or any member of the crew they won’t fly until it’s rectified, it’s not worth the risk to them either.

Get some diazepam for the plane