My partner and I ran a restaurant together that we’ve recently closed. It’s been stressful, but it’s done and we’re relieved. We lived at the restaurant with our children, so it’s been our whole lives for the last ten years. It’s about 4 miles from my mum, and sister.
This means my 3 children have grown up close to my sister’s 3 children, and we see my mum and dad a few times a month.
Through therapy, I’ve had some realisations recently that my mum is probably narcissistic, and that I grew up trying to please her and be the mature person in the house. My Dad is quiet and enables Mum’s poor behaviour (violent rages when we were kids). Even now in their 80’s he isn’t allowed an opinion for himself and ‘just does what he’s told’ (as he tells everyone!)
My sister suffered too as a kid, she’s the youngest & they let her down even worse, over a complete failure of support when she was abused by a family friend.
Anyway, back to now, DH & I closed the restaurant and are looking to relocate to the other end of our country. My mum is sad, but I’ve been grey rocking her for years so I can cope with that. But my sister, who I love so much, is devastated.
She says she can’t believe that ‘she’s not enough to make me stay’ here.
I’ve discussed with her that we’re not responsible for our aging parents (I used to think I was, but the therapy helped me see I’m not.) I want her to get therapy too but she won’t.
My best girlfriends who live nearby have been so sweet and encouraging for me wanting a fresh start. I wish my sister could try to be the same. Am I expecting too much to want her to try and be happy for me?
She doesn’t understand why we have to go so far, even though we’ll be able to get a better house and quality of life somewhere else (it’s crazy expensive in the place where we are now). I feel like she’s pressuring me to stay, telling me we’ll regret moving. Maybe we will, but we’re excited to go for it. I feel resentful that she can’t at least try.