To think this is a safeguarding issue?

[Turtleyturtles]

SIL has a moderate learning disability and long term health conditions, mid-forties. She is very naive and trusting. She has regular care and support but lives on her own. In the last few months she has met a man on a dating app (without a learning disability) who has just come out of prison, multiple convictions of very serious violence and harrassment. SIL knows about his conviction and but says he has changed. SIL is travelling many miles to stay with him for most of the week in his halfway house accomodation that he rarely leaves because he has restriction orders placed on him. There are already signs of coercive control, he doesn't want her speaking to her family, asks her to bring him food, phoned her thousands of time when she was in hospital for 3 weeks from complications relating to infections he had given her. He also moved in with her for several weeks until the police found him and took him back (and then placed a restriction order on him from the town where she lives). Apparently nothing can be done at his end until he harms her.

My question is about safeguarding. SIL's main care worker is stressing her automony and freedom to make decisions. But I think she is at serious risk of harm because she is increasinly being isolated by him, i.e. undue influence and pressure. SIL has no friends, only her very frail mother in her eighties and her brother. SIL's health is increasingly poor too, she's in constant pain, in and out of hospital etc. She however is going willingly to see him and says she loves him.

Her brother is considering raising a safeguarding concern. If he does, what should he say on the form to get someone to protect her? We all think it's now time for her to go into care because of her vulnerability. It's not the first time she has been targeted. I'd appreciate any advice from anyone who understands the system.

Bloody hell yes sounds awful

however does depend on the extent of her learning difficulties and “moderate” doesn’t usually get a carer?

why don’t you suggest you and brother meet him

Yes that’s very worrying. I think I’d report it to adult social services as a first step.

Which nation in the UK are you in, the responses will differ depending as legislation is different across each of the nations.

Oh that sounds awful is she cared for by a care organisation or independent carers ? She.certainly sounds like she needs more 1-1 support or supported living.

Brother has met him once when he was living with her. Brother (my ex) reluctant to meet him again because SIL said to brother "he gets angry when you ring so can you stop ringing me".

Not sure if moderate is the right word. I'll tell brother that hee needs to describe her learning disability accurately on the form. I have guessed moderate after googling it. She has always gone to daycare centres, now has carers in. Her mum manages her money etc. It is obvious looking at her that she has a learning disability. It's definitely not mild.

Thanks for replying.

Thanks for replying. We are in England.

She has local authority carers going in. I agree that supported living or 1:1 care would be ideal. Thanks for replying.

Unfortunately if she has capacity then the worker is correct- you cant stop someone making unwise decisions.
What sort of thing would you hope to see happen?

It does sound like it, .what a shame you are having to think about this. Your Sil deserves peace not targetted by a predatory man.

Is she thought to have capacity across areas of her life (health decisions, housing decisions, broader welfare, financial?) and is she subject to guardianship?

This is tricky because “care” for adults comes in many forms.

elderly adults mostly go into care homes. There are some of these for adults with learning disabilities etc but they are quite few and far between and most adults with learning disabilities do not want to go into a care home for elderly people (and largely nor do social services).

there is a big focus on keeping adults in these circumstances as involved in normal everyday life as possible. We have a group home for adults with learning disabilities in my village, and lots of them are involved with village activities.

it would be very difficult to force her into a more “protective” environment against her will, and they tend to be more expensive as well so SS don’t tend to fund them unless there is obvious need.

you also run the risk that she will simply leave and go to him.

so- you can raise a concern. But she can’t really just be “put into care”.

Report to adult social services and to the police (so they have a record of your concerns). I assume he has a probation officer, so perhaps contact them too.
Keep the police reports up, especially relating to coercive control, as this is now a criminal offence.

Good luck. Sounds dreadful ☹️

Hmm, I worried this might be the case. I don't think she does have the capacity now, certainly not when it comes to relationships, financial issues or health choices. I think there is definitely reasons to question her capacity. Maybe this is the route we need to go down. Thanks for replying.

Does SIL have a social worker? That would be my first port of call - she would definitely be classed as a vulnerable person who is at risk from exploitation. Unfortunately, it's really common for people with learning disabilities to be taken advantage of. If she is deemed to have some degree of capacity, would it be worth asking SS for a reassessment of her needs as mum is now elderly and not able to provide as much care and support.

She doesn't have capacity to manage her own money, bills etc. Her elderly mother manages her health decisions, housing etc as best she can but she is very frail now and can't cope. SIL she isn't subject to guardianship as far as I'm aware. Thanks for replying.

Ok, I’m more familiar with safeguarding adults in Scotland but much of what happens will depend on whether your SIL is deemed to have capacity, eg can she understand information, retain information and use that information to make decisions. The law considers an adult to have capacity unless it’s evidenced that they don’t. If she does have capacity it’s going to be difficult for services to intervene without her consent.

Your best bet is to speak to adult social services and explain your concerns, focus on the potential or actual harm to your SIL. So him pestering her in hospital, isolating her and getting her to bring him food at her expense, along with him being out on license. They won’t immediately step in but should do some assessment to figure out what’s going on. Social work can also access information about his convictions and see if there’s a pattern of him targeting vulnerable women.

Yes her autonomy is important but so is her safety, sometimes care staff focus too much on autonomy and not enough on your sisters ability to risk assess and, of course, they will want to keep an easy relationship with her so may not challenge when they should. I’d work with adult services but be prepared to argue your case.

Great idea, thank you!

This is so worrying and so sad. I would raise it as a safeguarding concern with an emphasis on him having convictions for violence and I would guess domestic violence? Of as others have said your sil has capacity it makes it very difficult.
you could also apply for a Claire’s Law for her if you know/ believe he has convictions or involvement in domestic abuse.

Thanks, yes. All his previous convictions are serious violence against vulnerable women (all girlfriends). I've read the press reports and it's horrific. Thanks for replying.

Is she using contraception? I’d be worried that he would trap her in a pregnancy.

The police should be RIGHT on this, straight away. And his probation officer.

in that case contact your local police and ask about making a Clare’s law request, that way she will be visited by police who will tell her about his past and offer support. Your post has red flags all over it, you must all be so worried.

If she apparently has capacity then can she have a reassessment? I would speak to her GP.

The coercive control is really worrying, you and your DH need to be as present as you can be, despite what SIL says. Everytime she says he gets upset about it, call her out on it. Make it as awkward as possible for him.

Keep a diary, write down everything. Can you record evidence.

Does he have a tag? Can you also speak to his probation officer...

Im assuming the infection is still related. Tell the doctor this too.

Don't be nice about it. Don't be scared of him. If this were my SIL heads would be rolling.

I share your concerns. I also have no idea how you would find out this information, but if prisoners in the UK are allocated a parole officer, is that another way to raise concerns about him. Apologies, all I know about this stuff is from fictional television programmes. But in essence protecting her and limiting him both seem necessary. I would report him to the police local to his hostel as well as local to her. Even if they can't do anything now, it all goes towards building a case or painting a picture at least, surely.

I would ring the probation service.