Son ended up in hospital

[Aghh12345]

Good Morning,

My 17 year old son this weekend decided to stay up all night Friday playing games online, come for a family day out on Saturday then go to his friends for a sleepover.

At the sleepover they decided to smoke a joint and do shots- my son doing so on around 4 hours of sleep.

He got home around 11am on Sunday saying he felt sick and ill- progressing into the day where it got to 10pm he finally admitted to me and dad that he had had drugs and a drink and ended up in a and e with a full panic attack, couldn't breathe etc because he was saying his chest hurt. We sat calmly through it with him.

I don't want any perfect parent brigades because I also thought my kid would never be stupid enough to do drugs, let alone on no sleep and mix alcohol with them 🙃.

I am also aware now that alot of his friends have weed vapes etc, but I don't want him starting this up.

Has anyone had anything like this with their teenagers and what worked successfully to stop it.

He is in college full time, plays sports and is generally a really nice kid bar the occasional teenage attitude.

A lot of us made really stupid mistakes like that at his age. He'll end up ok. Hell, my father once had to come get me because the neighbors found me passed out in their bushes.

Hopefully it will have scared him enough to not do it again. They do make stupid mistakes so just talk to him, make it clear you do not want it to happen again and that drugs are a no no. If he is usually a good kid then he will not want this to happen again.

DS25 spent the night of his 17th birthday vomiting all over the bathroom after doing drinking games involving neat vodka, so no judgement here. I was grateful in our case that we were home in the back room, and that none of his mates were in a bad state. DH drive them home early and I sorted DS out. Sat up much of the night, checking on him.

We had a talk the next day about what had happened. He still likes a drink or several, but has never been in a similar state since.

We had another talk a year later before he went on a post A level trip to Magaluf.

We did that last night. He was so dramatic with it though, started shouting at us that it had made his head all over the place and we didn't understand what it was like.

I haven't ever touched any drugs due to a parent being on them, my husband however took everything going during his teenage years. I think I am worried son will go down his route. Gah

Meant to add - I would be tougher on drugs because of the ethical issues and safety - he can’t possibly be certain what is in them.

Having said that, the awful case of alcohol poisoning in the Far East is a reminder that free/cheap shots can be very dangerous as well.

Talk to him without going ballistic. In our case we managed that, despite me wanting to go ballistic. It would not have helped.

Is DH willing to tell him that he does know what it’s like and he learned the hard way?

If he carries on kicking off today after sleep then I’d remind him that you expect him to show you a decent level of respect. Hopefully a good sleep will help.

They know he knows what it's like, he has to take steroids for his liver as he did so much shit when he was younger. We have been quite open with them about it. He went to sleep as soon as we got home, had a cry, said he's a bit worried about who he's hanging round with as all they do is smoke. I am trying to not be an absolute helicopter parent about it.

that's really good that he is recognising that he's worried about who he is hanging with...loser friends are the surest way to drag someone down. is he doing ok at college? is he likely to go away to uni and meet new people? you are doing exactly the right things....i would continue be very clear about risks,be calm and open...it's great that he has told you what happened but if you are from a family where addiction is an issue then you have really good reason to keep talking! i have very strong opinions as worked in drug and alcohol rehab and have seen how weed can trigger psychosis in young people so my teens are very aware of how bad it does get but equally i hope i communicate to them how much i understand peer pressure...i always want them to be able to talk to me when things go wrong ( seeing as 1 is shortly going to boardmasters which is a nightmare for anyone worried about teens and drugs and alcohol!). edited to say ...when you tell a teen NOT to do something sometimes you have to rehearse the scenarios that he is likely to be in...so how will he say "no" when all his friends are doing something? how will he get himself out of a difficult situation?can he arrange a text message cue with you so that you can swoop in and be the parent that is saying "you have to come home now" rather than him having to say it.

What advice would you give as I am very worried about it being in the family.

Yes he will be going uni. He cut out one group of people last year and now seems every young person he finds is doing it also.

@Aghh12345 https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/talking-to-teens-about-drugs. Some advice here. Ultimately you and your husband talking things through calmly will help…is your family member who has had addiction issues still around to talk with? Both your own family experience and your husbands experiences are really valid and useful . Most parents will face their kids drug or alcohol experimentation at some point so try not to over stress .what i would be pointing out to your son is that early,regular exposure to drugs/alcohol makes it more likely for those neural addiction pathways to be set up…most people would rather their kids vaped than smoked but the challenge with vaping is it’s very easy to develop nicotine addiction . Plus many teens are using illegal vapes a recent study has found that of vapes confiscated in school , 1 in 6 contained spice, which is a highly addictive synthetic cannabinoid.https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/english-school-children-unwittingly-smoking-spice-spiked-vapes-finds-university-of-bath/ Parents(and society) sometimes excuse weed use as being not harmful but modern forms are not the same.

Duplicate post. Ps. I would also be discussing how drug use means you are actually supporting criminal gangs violence in society…again, many younger (and older!) people seem to be able to conveniently ignore what they involved in.

Encourage open conversation. If you can't stop him, enable him to do it safely.

My goddaughter backed out of a festival booking at 17 when she heard her mates planning to do drugs. She had very few friends in Y13, but has no regrets. Made a great start to uni and her job afterwards.

If he feels he can’t talk to them - any of them - and say he doesn’t want to be involved in drugs, then he needs to walk away from them. He might find new mates or he might have a bit of a lonely year, but the alternative is far worse.

This is hard. I know we have been lucky that both our DSs had mates who were/are not interested in drugs or vaping. DS2 now 17 doesn’t drink.

He needs to be reassured that not everyone is doing it. He needs to be told quite bluntly that addiction may (you didn’t say if DH was addicted or just really enjoyed the drugs) run in the family and his outcome may not be the same of his friends. He needs to be assured that everyone has lapses in judgment and he’ll hopefully learn to make better choices. He also needs to be reassured he can have friends who do drugs and that doesn’t mean he has to do them. (I believe every friend group that is into drugs has one token friend that doesn’t… not sure why but that was true in my misspent youth) he does need to have willpower though if he’s going to hang around these kids.

He also needs to told that the choices he makes now has implications for his future…it’s ok to experiment with drinking and drugs but he needs to not be stupid about it.

All in all an easy way to reevaluate his life choices so far and to decide if he wants to make a change.

Sounds like he just made a bad decision, don't we all at that age? Hopefully he'll learn and won't do it again.