SIL referred to herself as a helicopter parent of mine and husbands baby

[Tetchy321]

I’m not sure if I’m reading into this too much but my SIL referred to herself as a helicopter parent when discussing something related to mine and DH’s child. Is that weird?

Yes.

Yes.

Is she a parent at all?

Probably a joke considering she's not your child's actual parent.

My sister & BIL often feel the need to give me parenting advice. Our children are quite different to each other. Seemingly, they are doing it right & we’re doing it wrong…

No it's fine. You should be glad she cares.

I guess she just loves your child. That's nice your child has a loving aunty, who thinks of themselves as a pseudoparent

Not if she just said it once as a throw away comment, and is otherwise sane and nice.

I would only start to worry if she consistently describes herself as your child's parents. She probably just used the phrase to mean she is anxious about their well being when babysitting. (As you would hope she would Bez to be fair!).

“You’re a helicopter aunt”.

”Don’t be silly, you can’t be a helicopter parent to a niece”

Use either one depending on how obnoxious she is.

I wouldn’t be happy about anyone except DH or me calling themselves a parent of my child. That sounds very possessive to me. My sister adores DS, but if she said she was his mum there would be an almighty clash.

it depends on how she said it. If she was talking to her brother and describing looking after DC at the park and hovering while DC went on the monkey bars I’d say it was perfectly fine as a one off.

If she’s talking to a bunch of her friends and outlining her position on DC’s vaccinations or constantly describing herself as a parent then that’s problematic.

You should tell her there isn't a vacancy.

She's an aunt, anything else is overstepping.

Yeah we're probably going to need a bit more info OP.

I wouldn’t take offence at that.
I would take it she is saying she is like a helicopter parent, watching over your child when she’s with them in case they get hurt or something.

Does it really matter? She might not even know what “helicopter parent” means, plenty of people misinterpret sayings.

I probably wouldn’t care if it’s an isolated incident, she was probably just trying to be funny. I also agree the more people care about your kid the better - and the more people you keep on side the more people will watch them while you go out and do fun stuff. Sometimes my in laws were overbearing, especially when DD was a baby - but I think it was mainly excitement.

Oh yes referring to yourself as a helicopter parent to someone elses child is perfectly normal and common... let's call the op possessive and jealous instead.

Said no one ever.

But if she is a parent herself then she is just making a commemt on the way she interacts with children.

What harm is your SIL is causing by this? What do you think her intentions are?

Is she a parent herself? Also, my point was to call out, saying the op is possessive and jealous , which is just a werid and nasty thing to say.

Well helicopter parent doesn't mean what she thinks it does. She probably just means that she is always going to be around for them if you can't be.

Does she ever look after your dc? She’s probably just using it as a catch-all phrase to indicate that she’s extremely vigilant where your dc is concerned - shadowing their every move to stop them falling/having an accident on play equipment etc. Was it said in a self-deprecating way, as though she was acknowledging that she might be a bit ott? Context is everything!

Yes, this. Or, if she did know the term’s meaning, she was using it self-deprecatingly, because she hovers too close?

Do you think your SiL has delusions she is your child's parent? Is your child confused about who their mother is? Is your SiL getting in the way of your family life? If no to these, then does it matter that she chose the wrong phrase? Life is too short to analyse the way people express themselves searching for oddities. Sometimes we say things the wrong way. Mostly it's not with sinister intent.