Anyone else get super stressed during the holidays?

[lookcobwebs]

It’s just relentless isn’t it. And such a juggling act with work as well. It doesn’t help that I have an 8 year age gap between my dc so they are both at totally different stages with interests which makes days out hard.

My 12 year old isn’t interested in doing much anyway but I feel like I need to encourage come out of his room and socialise from time to time. Occasionally he’ll go out with friends. But it really is hard trying to do ‘days out’ with both kids unless it’s national trust kind of places/walks etc.

I always see people on social media doing endless days out and amazing things and I just struggle to find the time, the motivation, the cash. We do have a weeks holiday to look forward to so that’s something. But I spend most of the time feeling guilty and inadequate all while trying to stretch myself between two dc, work and all the usual chores. Dh works full time whereas I’m only part time meaning a lot of the childcare naturally falls on me during the holidays.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas? I’m already stressed and it’s only week one.

You have to shake the guilt somehow because I’m sure you’re doing a brilliant job. I wouldn’t worry about the 12 year old just hanging out if that’s what he wants to do. Maybe you could do some more grown up evenings with him where he gets to stay up late with you guys and watch a movie with his favourite snacks. Any video games or board games you guys could play as a family while the 4 year old is in bed?

Is there a club or camp either of them might enjoy? You could have them going at different times so that for the week that the 4 year old is at dance camp or whatever, you get time on your own with the older one, and vice versa.

Maybe come off social media yourself?

Be sensible.

I'd try and get the older one to do either one full week or one day a week at a camp of some kind. Encourage arrangements with friends. Spend time together on the evenings. Outside of that just let them just hang out and be a tween.

The four year old is at a great age so once you've stopped feeling guilty about the older one, you can have some nice, cheap days out that suit the younger one (beach, park, playdates, pool, library, museum etc).

The four year old is easy to be honest. Lots of activities for her. But feel bad either dragging ds along to something he’s clearly too old for or alternatively leaving him home alone. Gah! The joys of a big age gap.

He’s done lots of holiday clubs in previous years but won’t entertain the idea anymore. I think year 6 age was the limit for most of them in our area and he’s now about to go into year 8 so he probably has outgrown them.

Will try to make time on evenings when the little one is in bed. Even if we cook or read together.

@NuffSaidSam
What do u mean?

Oh I am in the same situation ds 13 dd 6. My daughter had the time of her life yesterday. 99p bottle of washing up liquid on her trampoline with water kept her entertained for hours. My son is very anti social diagnosed with autism aswell so doesn't like going out, I've decided this summer holidays to try have fun in our garden through out the day and then evening strolls round the park or beach when it's cooler. P.s my kids fight one another all day every day.

I mean make sensible and constructive comments.

Well the op is stressed about what she is seeing on social media and feels she can’t match what other mums are doing.
Surely the obvious solution is to remove herself?

I often think I should just delete social media over the holidays, it really does make me feel worse seeing what everyone else is up to and comparing myself. But I’ve not managed it yet. A lot of local events are advertised via Facebook and it’s how I get to find out about things that are going on.

I have the same age gap, plus another child in between. This year have had quite a few good swimming trips - invite a friend (s) for the eldest so they can splash about together at the deep end. You can play with younger one in shallow end or kids area. Even better if you can be also invited a friend plus mum for the younger child so you have company.

(and yes I know what you mean about the juggle and the stress! I dread the holidays most years, but once I'm in them I try to focus on what's going ok. It helps me to have a diary I write in when I can, noting down cute things, funny things, anything positive. Otherwise I can spiral into focusing on the stress and my 'failures'.)

Oh! And cinema can work out ok - my eldest and youngest enjoyed Elio last week, plus we'll do lilo and stitch later. Cheaper seats on Monday near us. If your eldest is not too keen can bribe with promise of pick n mix?

I came here to say this. Delete social media apps where people share their holiday activities. The fomo on updates in people's lives or events isn't real... you'll soon realise that of you delete it. You'll still hear about things in other ways. Or delete it and create a new account but with no friends. I deleted it and my school holidays are not filled with any anxiety about not being enough, because I have no clue what everyone else is up to!! I do me 😁 it doesn't matter if you spend time at home with the kiddos being bored. That's life!

I wouldn't delete social media, just try and change your mindset not everything is a rosy at it seems. I took my kids 13 and 6 away for a weekend. What an absolute waste of money and time. I don't really post much on social media these days but if I did I'd pick the best of a bad bunch. Look at it for inspiration, just don't get wrapped up in it all. Reality and social media are definitely two different things.
Last summer and this summer i intend to spend more time at home with my kids then take them out. I just buy alot of garden toys for my youngest, arts and crafts, baking. I don't force my teenager out anymore. I will always invite him into our plans. I just make sure he's still in a routine off up washed and dress an room cleaned. I use tik tok or google maps for attractions nearby. Enjoy your holiday were travelling down cornwall for a week. Il try keep my kids entertained with beach walks. Scenery walks , boat trips all at a slow pace. Just aslong as we're together and hopefully no fighting that's all I want!

Firstly, the social media thing is utter b0ll0cks. It’s just people editing their lives in an attempt to portray an image of what they perceive to be a great life. An ex colleague posts on Facebook constantly about her perfect family, amazing trips and days out when we all used to listen to her complaints in the office.
Secondly…marry a teacher, problem solved!

I used to get stressed when I was at that stage op! So I hear you!

Now we are past that stage I can see that me getting stressed didn’t really help matters 😄

In my experience , children take their cue from you! So if you go around apologising saying or even thinking “oh sorry this isn’t more exciting”. and “are you bored?” and “I wish we had the opportunity to do (something else)” then they will have that attitude and behave as if they are bored and dissatisfied!

If you can be more confident op and act and think in a more positive manner, “isn’t it great we have this time together”, “it’s so nice to be able to chill out as a family”, “I am really looking forward to board games tonight” etc etc they will -more or less - accept that everything they are doing is normal and good.

You don’t have to be Pollyanna-ish about it, but your dc are lucky to have you as a concerned parent, and a safe home etc. And it is good for children to get bored occasionally as, given the right encouragement and tools, it allows them to be creative and develop their inner resources.

We alway used to have a few holiday traditions and projects going on … learning something new … board game night … children cook night … that sort of thing?

Sometimes a glass jar in the kitchen on which they have written their favourite 20 minute activities can help in those “what do we do now?” moments.

What is your 12 year old interested in? Trains, wildlife, models, sport, reading, art? Ask him what he is interested in, off screens that is, and try and facilitate his pursuit of one or two of his interests? Or if he doesn’t know, introduce him to some new hobbies? Take him to an ice hockey match, or teach him to play chess, or visit a climbing wall?

An eight-year age gap does make it more challenging so I agree that one-on-one time with the eldest twice a week would be good once your youngest has gone to bed. Surprise him with some trips out as soon as your dh comes home. You could take him out to the cinema or for a bike ride. It doesn’t have to be fancy.

I would also invite his friends over twice a week to hang out so that he has some companionship his own age. And that’s when you can give your youngest her one-to-one attention.

I used to try and go on one “big” expedition a week as a family during the holidays to a local attraction or beach or park. Or just get on a train a couple of stops. You can start giving your eldest some responsibility on these outings like finding the route, researching the activities, planning the agenda, buying refreshments, budgeting.

And then I would try and do one smaller local trip like a picnic in a park, or table tennis at the leisure centre.

By the time you have had two trips out per week, 2 lots of friends to play, one board game evening, one afternoon out with dad, one pizza and film night, the week soon starts to fill up. This all takes energy though so make sure your dh plays his part.

Good luck op! You have a lot on your plate but please remember that you are enough! Forget social media and what other families are doing. Have confidence in yourself! You sound like a lovely person, and your dc are lucky to have a very conscientious mum who cares about them. Please don’t be too apologetic about what you are offering! They are lucky dc! 😀

You make me laugh. Social media isn’t a compulsory part of life you know. I came off insta fb and Twitter a couple of years ago and my life hasn’t stopped, in fact it’s immeasurably lighter . Every single day in the news it’s social media this, social media that. It’s all anyone talks about and it ruinous.

I started school holidays with my kids before social media was a big thing and I think that helps. He’s an adult now but I also have a young teen and a small child. The pressure comes from trying to have fun fun fun. Instead of working with yourself and your kids. What works for you and them, not other people.
Also remember, they don’t need to do stuff all of the time. This is their break from school, a break, to sleep in late and to stay up late in the evenings. To hang out in pjs.

Right now my teen is in bed. My youngest dc is in his pjs on his trampoline. We will stay home today. Tomorrow I’ll pack us a picnic and we will all go to the beach for a few hours.
It’s week 4 here and we’ve done parks and beaches and river and toasted marshmallows over the fire pit. We’ve been out for breakfast and to the sweet shop.
We have two days out planned before we go back but otherwise it’s more of the same.

Id take yourself off SM. Last week we did boxing, a science club & went to the beach and it cost us a bomb we also went up our allotment which is free.
This week we are skint till Friday (pay day hurrah) and are just chilling at home which im sure other people are doing over the hols too!
nobody has an unlimited money stream and SM will always make you feel worse!

I'd ask 12yo if he wants to earn some cash doing stuff with 4yo - reading with her, building stuff with her, doing playdoh.

Can you put 4yo in holiday club a couple of days a week or get a babysitter so you can do grown up stuff with the older one?

This is a really lovely, helpful post. Thank you so much.