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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I wrong

8 replies

Longsally · 27/07/2025 21:46

I cannot begin to explain what it’s like to grow up knowing your parents marginalized you. I was never hugged, kissed, never heard I love you, good job….nothing…I grew up with the family getting together and asking If I could come only to be told there was no room for me…exact words. My sisters are close, visiting each other and I was once invited to drive two hours each way for a lunch. I declined. When I was married,one sister said she would come to my wedding shower but then cancelled telling me the president of amway was going to be in town speaking …not kidding. When I was pregnant, I did NOT invite my mom to my baby shower and she showed up anyway as a “surprise” and proceeded to make nasty comments about the way I decorated my new home and didn’t even deny it when confronted. I could go on and on with examples of their behavior towards me through the years. As mom was dying, she did a memory making cruise and left it to one of my sisters to set it up. She coordinated with my other sister so that the date they chose was good for their husbands and children…but it didn’t work for my family. They all went and mom said she would take me another time….then she died…Long story short…I unfriended my sisters after the deaths of both parents. Not long ago, my sister sent me a friend request saying she wanted to reconnect. I said …Facebook is not the way to reconnect…we do it by monthly calls or lunches where we both drive 45 minutes once a month. I did not hear from her again….so can someone tell me why I still long to hear from both sisters…knowing they would not care if I dropped dead? Why do I have a need to connect with people who clearly do not care about me? What’s wrong with me?

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 27/07/2025 21:52

There's nothing wrong with you. Your self-esteem took a big hit because of your family. You are still looking for validation from your sisters. You won't get what you need x

fthisfthatfeverything · 27/07/2025 21:56

Surely they can spare you a lunch meet up once a month?
I’m sorry you’re going through this x

DiscoBob · 27/07/2025 22:02

They sound horrible. And very foolish indeed if they're involved with Amway. I'm presuming they wouldn't listen to reason about it's a massive pyramid scam?

You deserve nice people around you. You'd family clearly aren't that so just try and build a close knit 'family' with friends and partner etc.

myplace · 27/07/2025 22:05

Just as you were damaged by your upbringing, so were they. Just in different ways. They have a particular world view and haven’t managed to shift it to a more accurate one.

M You have built a life independently, despite your bad start. Don’t worry about them, they have nothing you need.

WeekendFreedom · 27/07/2025 22:09

Why didn’t the trip work for you or your family? Your sister reached out and you basically shot her attempt of reconnecting down, yes you suggested meeting but maybe she wasn’t ready for that. They do sound naturally closer to each other than you.

Longsally · 28/07/2025 01:51

WeekendFreedom · 27/07/2025 22:09

Why didn’t the trip work for you or your family? Your sister reached out and you basically shot her attempt of reconnecting down, yes you suggested meeting but maybe she wasn’t ready for that. They do sound naturally closer to each other than you.

It didn’t work as my sons school started two days before the start of the cruise….something they would have known had I been included in the planning…and being in my Facebook is…in my opinion very shallow and not a meaningful connection.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 28/07/2025 03:40

Nah, she didn't want to meaningfully reconnect, she wanted to take the lazy option of you being on her friendlist on FB. Not the same thing.

You keep hoping they'll turn into nice people who care about you - because thats what we do. They won't, and we can't make them, but it doesn't stop us hoping.

Try not to give them room in your head - they're unpleasant people, they're not good for you... try to let it go. Focus on the family you've created, the friendships you have with people worth your time and effort.

ThatDaringEagle · 28/07/2025 04:00

Ahh, the need to feel loved by and the need to belong in our family is such a primal want & need that we never get over craving it in some way from the cradle to the grave imho.

OP, your family have treated you abysmally over the years, from your mother down & maybe your sisters took their cue from her behaviours towards you, who knows. Regardless you will always crave to belong to your birth family and to have some relationship with them, that's all perfectly natural.

Fact is, relationships are 2 way streets though, and if your sisters just want a one sided, neglectful or superficial relationship with you, then that's all you'll ever get from them. That may be sad, but it's also seemingly sadly true in this case.

How you deal with this fact and live your life regardless is the far more interesting & important thing though. Mind yourself OP.

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