More of a wwyd. Friendship issue

[TigressIamnot]

I have a DD who is 16. She had a boyfriend for over a year. they are part of a wider closenit friendship group. All attend the same special school as all have learning difficulties/ASD/ADHD. Boyfriend decided he is in love with a different girl and broke up. All fine with me. DD is incredibly upset though. Main issue is, DD (and the other kids) are functioning at a level where they cannot leave the house alone. So their main mode if communication is WhatsApp etc. The ex blocked DD (fine, his choice) but he instructed all the other friends to remove DD from various WhatsApp groups and won't let the other to add DD back on. He can be quite dominant and is the only male in the group. When friends add her back to any of the groups, she is removed instantly by ex again. So DD didn't only lose the boyfriend, but the whole friendship group alongside as she be being sidelined. it's incredibly difficult for her. Under normal circumstances, I would run it via their school as the safeguarding lead is really on the ball but it's another 5 weeks until they go back. DD is just so upset. she cannot leave the house on her own and meet friends due to level of functioning. we are really stuck. Any ideas apart from the obvious of being there for her and being reassuring and trying to distract her as much as possible? It's heartbreaking to see.

I read the the thread so I understand the parents thing isn’t an option. But get her to start a group and set it up as the admin has to approve new people joining. Maybe with just 2 others at first? The ones she’d like to see?

Well, I kind of said the same thing - unless it was a known safeguarding thing.
I've been a safeguard lead in SEND schools myself so I'm aware of how things work. Though I've never had to attend emergency strategy meetings during the school holidays, I'm aware that it can and does happen.
But I'm not really sure what a safeguarding lead would do over the summer holidays for this situation, it's not happening during school time and isn't really an emergency situation.
I'm not without empathy for the OP and her daughter, I'm just sharing my own experience.

School safeguarding lead here. I am keeping an eye on my emails, but only in case I recieve urgent communication from Children's Services or the Police about a serious safeguarding matter, and because I'm required to attend a Child Protection Conference in a couple of weeks and they are often rescheduled at short notice.

I have every sympathy for OP's DD, this is clearly an upsetting situation for her. Unfortunately, there is a limit to how much impact I can have on how WhatsApp is used outside of school, although I spend a lot of time trying! In the holidays, this is even more limited. Ultimately, parents need to take responsibility for monitoring their kids use of technology in the holidays and sadly, some aren't willing to do so.

Setting up a new group for just your DD and her friends sounds like a really good idea, OP. Then when she goes back to school in September, call the DSL and explain the problems youve had over the holidays with this boy trying to isolate your DD from her friends and how this has impacted her. They should be able to work with the boy to help him understand why this is not ok. This is important, not just for your DD's sake, but for any future relationships he may have.

@TigressIamnot I’m so sorry boys parents blocked you. I agree, it’s totally likely there are challenges with them if there’s a genetic element involved. It’s quite obvious sometimes when you meet a parent where the child’s presentation arises from. I think the other idea of contacting the girls parents and arranging another group with parents as admin would be a good idea and as much in person meetings as possible. I would want to know if my child was in this chat group as the boy is controlling them all and I would want to intervene not only for your child but also on behalf of my own. Good luck.

Can you arrange something fun and exciting as a girl’s trip?