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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not know how to handle ‘friend’? Do I ignore?

12 replies

Leaveswoods · 27/07/2025 11:33

wondering what this ‘friend’ is playing at and whether I even owe her a reply??

it’s complicated!

I met this “friend” at work a few years ago.

I began to see a different side of her. She had a habit of minimising others’ feelings and making everything about herself. She seemed jealous, often excluding people she didn’t like. My friends and I also noticed that she thrived on drama. She regularly tries to cheat on her husband with random men!!!!

she latched on to a friend of ours who was going through a divorce.

because of all of this I distanced myself. Still really polite but I was wary.

When I found out I was pregnant, she effectively dropped me (she has struggled with IVF so I was super sensitive and so so worried I’d upset her…although I’ve had my own struggles with miscarriages and I’m high risk) I didn’t hear from her at all, except for one random message where she commented that my bump looked “neat.” I replied politely, but it felt superficial and out of the blue. She subsequently told friends she didn’t even want to get pregnant.
and she dropped another friend when she announced her engagement.

A few weeks ago, a photo from my birthday (7 of my friends) was posted, and she blocked me on Instagram. I was a bit shocked. I only invited close friends and I hadn’t seen or spoken to her for months.
But just a week later, she messaged me on WhatsApp “You need to enjoy your maternity leave.”

I’m left wondering what she’s playing at and whether I even owe her a reply??

We work together which is one thing but I think the not understanding her intention is driving me mad and I hate to admit but I want everyone to be happy so feel obliged to reply with something nice?

Thank you for reading x

OP posts:
MrsTWH · 27/07/2025 11:38

I would block her on everything and leave it at that.

was her odd “you need to enjoy your maternity leave” in response to anything or just randomly out of the blue?

Leaveswoods · 27/07/2025 11:40

MrsTWH · 27/07/2025 11:38

I would block her on everything and leave it at that.

was her odd “you need to enjoy your maternity leave” in response to anything or just randomly out of the blue?

Ah thank you! I really struggle with being brutal and just saying fuck it 🤣

the message was totally random, out of the blue on WhatsApp.
I had replied to a message back in may from her but she had left it on not read so I assumed that was the end of it all.

OP posts:
tilypu · 27/07/2025 11:43

Honestly, keep hold of that message.

That sounds like she may be trying to make your life difficult when you return to work. That message could be important.

Leaveswoods · 27/07/2025 11:45

tilypu · 27/07/2025 11:43

Honestly, keep hold of that message.

That sounds like she may be trying to make your life difficult when you return to work. That message could be important.

This is such a good point! I hadn’t even thought of this. I’ve archived the message but I still have it on WhatsApp.

the whole thing is just bonkers

OP posts:
Tia247 · 27/07/2025 12:11

I would just reply 'thanks' and leave it at that. She sounds needy and unhappy but I can't really see what she's done wrong to you tbh, you just don't seem to like her and that's fine.

AlertCat · 27/07/2025 12:24

She isn’t your friend, she’s just someone you know. I’d stop making any social efforts with her and just let it go. She obviously has an untrustworthy streak though given what you said about her trying to cheat on her husband, so be wary in situations where she is around.

CoraPirbright · 27/07/2025 12:30

I will tell you what her intention is! To cause drama and fuck with you!! She thrives on causing trouble and wants to be the centre of everything. Honestly life is too short to bother with this kind of nonsense. Don’t engage and be surface polite at work.

Leaveswoods · 27/07/2025 12:39

CoraPirbright · 27/07/2025 12:30

I will tell you what her intention is! To cause drama and fuck with you!! She thrives on causing trouble and wants to be the centre of everything. Honestly life is too short to bother with this kind of nonsense. Don’t engage and be surface polite at work.

Thank you. This is exactly it and it’s good to hear it from an objective perspective.

OP posts:
Leaveswoods · 27/07/2025 12:42

Tia247 · 27/07/2025 12:11

I would just reply 'thanks' and leave it at that. She sounds needy and unhappy but I can't really see what she's done wrong to you tbh, you just don't seem to like her and that's fine.

What she’s done wrong is latch on to my friend who is going through a terrible divorce and make her feel worse by the what she’s said and how my friend has been treated by her. I just feel protective.

She also messaged me back in December telling me she was so excited about my pregnancy and that she would be there for me (I took it with a pinch of salt) but she then dropped me and started bad mouthing me to other mutual friends which was hurtful.

and then to be blocked for no real reason.

I don’t think she’s innocent in this.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 27/07/2025 12:52

Definitely keep that msg. The fact you work together.. I can just see this escalating in a mad way.

CoraPirbright · 27/07/2025 14:57

OriginalUsername2 · 27/07/2025 12:52

Definitely keep that msg. The fact you work together.. I can just see this escalating in a mad way.

Agreed. There’s something quite sinister in the wording, I feel.

Wadadli · 27/07/2025 15:00

MrsTWH · 27/07/2025 11:38

I would block her on everything and leave it at that.

was her odd “you need to enjoy your maternity leave” in response to anything or just randomly out of the blue?

First post nailed it once again! Fuck her off by blocking her everywhere, including emails

Enjoy your pregnancy 💐

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