To think I said nothing wrong?

[isitreality]

NC

I was talking with a family relative in general and we ended up talking about two young members of the family, brothers, aged 9 (Jacob) and 6, (Leo). She brought up the older brother and told me about something he had done, and I said 'ah, I know, Jacob is so lovely'. Straight away she snapped "I think of Jacob and Leo as the same, together' or something like that, basically meaning, she doesn't favour one over the other.

For context, there no real back story. I see this relative about 3 times a year. We get on in a polite, social way and there's never been any problems. I see the children around once every month, sometimes a bit more sometimes a bit less. This relative sees them more often than I do as she is more closely related and sees their mum more.

I certainly don't favour one brother over the other and am equally fond of both. I have never treated them any differently or given cause to anyone to think I favour one over the other. I just said Jacob because we were talking about him in that moment.

I honestly can't see that I said anything wrong but it's niggled me ever since.

Was it a wrong thing to say?

I mean, it would depend exactly on how you said it - I can imagine a wrong emphasis could make that sentence sound like you were making the point that Jacob is kind, unlike his brother.
However, I suspect that this is probably more about her than you. There may well be some background that you're unaware of (someone pointing out the relative facours one child, or something from relatives childhood perhaps).

No - either your relative is bonkers or she was spoiling for an argument.

Imagine applying that logic all the time - if you said of your work colleague "Helen is lovely" and someone snapped "So everyone else is horrible and you only like Helen?"

Something a six-year old might say thinking they had cleverly caught you out ...

GaspingGekko

I know what you mean, in a tone that would be 'ah, Jacob is so lovely'. No, it just wouldn't enter my head to say it like that. It was just a neutral comment about him and his brother wasn't even in my thoughts in that second as we were talking about Jacob.

Your relative is one of those pain the ass types that likes to correct others.

Yanbu.
Be wary of them and grey rock them in conversation going forward.

Relative is odd, or looking for an argument.

it’s actually not good for siblings to be considered as a set. They are individuals and should be treated as such.

I think the only way it could have been unreasonable is if Leo was in the conversation too. In which case I'd have reassured him as a young child that he is lovely too.

But it sounds like he wasn't so you're definitely not BU.

No it wasn’t a wrong thing to say. Children in a family are individuals and it’s fine to not talk about all of them at the same time.

Thank you for your replies. I feel so much better about it. It's been troubling me for months. I wish I'd said something to her to correct the assumption at the time but I was just taken aback by it.

Some people are just batshit OP, it's really not worth worrying about it for months. You think she's still thinking about it? Probably completely forgotten the conversation because she probably nitpicks and snaps at people about stupid shit all the time.

Relative is trying too hard to pretend she treats them both equally and thinks of them both equally. I'd bet secretly she prefers one over the other and is overcompensating. It's not a you problem.