For thinking my partner should get a car

[LemonMum21]

Hi guys,

Of the two of us, only my partner can drive. In January we moved to quite a detached village and in March our LO was born.

To keep it concise, I will say that he has had a LOT of car troubles which have been out of his control, I do genuinely think he has been very unlucky. The big one being that the panoramic sun roof of his car randomly exploded when he was on the way to the hospital when I was in labour. He repaired the car out of sheer necessity and the company he was leasing from has since cancelled the contract and taken back the car, giving him a refund and compensating him for damages etc.

Since the car went back, my partner has been using my car to get around -- I have not passed my test but am very close to doing so and my mum bought me this car secondhand so that I can have some freedom when I do. I of course permitted him to do this, but yesterday that car broke down when he was on his way to work.

He got a lift to work in the end and has since retrieved his motorbike from the garage to get home as we live about 40 minutes away from his work. He isn't going to get my car repaired and I had to put my foot down when he said he wasn't even going to get it recovered from where it broke down. This morning, he is convinced that he can't financially afford a car and that he "doesn't need one" when he can get around on his motorbike.

AIBU for thinking this is quite selfish?

He can definitely afford a car he just wants a luxury car which he wants to save for. I don't care what we drive around in, but I feel very strongly that we should be able to get to places, quickly and conveniently if we can.

What is it with these pricks who must have a luxury car without the income and assets to match? It’s pathetic and as you can tell it annoys me disproportionately.

Family needs first (housing, food, appropriate clothing)
Family nice-to-have but not essential extras second (holidays, extra-curricular clubs, lessons or equipment)
Last on the list when all else is covered including future pension security then fancy car/jewellery/watches/ designer anything, if that floats your boat.

I’m knocking on and now fairly wealthy and I have some of the above but that’s fairly recent and I drove shit second hand cars for years and went without one at all for 14 months with 2 children when I took a job break to do a Masters in my 40s as part of a career change. I didn’t pause DD’s flute lessons l. I think most women do the same.

Wearing a Rolex Daytona or driving a new Range Rover if you are scrimping and saving at home to do so does not say “Made it!” it says you are a shallow, selfish prick, whatever sex you are. Luxury cars are incredibly expensive and in recent years entry level cars are terrific; reliable and come with lots of features. Nobody, nobody needs a luxury car. It’s fine to want one and fine to buy one … if you have the money spare after more important stuff is covered.

Sorry, that was a rant.

You are right and he is being selfish. You are isolated with a new baby in the arse end of nowhere, he needs to repair your car, the generous gift from your mother.

I was in your shoes with a baby in the countryside as a non driver. It took me three goes to pass my test 🫣 I really hope you get a first time pass!

He needs to get your car sorted. Selfish twat, how does he think you and the baby are going to get around? Your other option is to move to somewhere less isolated.

Firstly, you need to get your car recovered and a costing of how much to fix it. It may, or may not, be worth the money it'll cost to fix it, depending on whether it is likely to last at least another year on the road?

If it's not going to be cost effective to fix, then you need to decide whether or not you can afford a budget family car. Not a luxury car, a car within your current budget.

It's all very well that he can use his motorbike to get to work, (and why the hell did he still even have it? He could've sold it to raise money to fix the car ffs!) but how does he expect you and DC to get anywhere?
How does he think you can get shopping? Or get to baby classes etc?

It seems like he'd be happy for you and DC to 'manage' without transport, but that he 'must' have his own transport to get to work? Why isn't he selling the bike and getting the bus??

It’s telling your mum bought you the car because she worried about you being isolated out there. That’s because she loves you unselfishly and has your back. You have had two massive life changes; first baby and a move to an isolated village. Your husband needs to take a look at himself on this one. I can’t see how he can dare not to get your car repaired when it broke down when he was borrowing it. Do you have joint money? Surely it’s not just down to him and you can get it sorted, not that you should have to.

How does he think life works? Obviously you and the baby can’t get around on his motorbike. He is stranding you.

How do you manage finances as a family? As the car is yours & he was using it, unless he has specifically done something to cause it to break down then I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s all on him to fix it really. My husband was driving my car a few months ago and it broke down, it wasn’t his fault and would have broken down regardless of the driver so I wouldn’t have held it against him, we as a family just had it repaired. Is that not an option for you, depending on family finances?

Ignore, I need to learn to read

So it was fine when he was the only driver/car owner but it's it's unacceptable when it's you?

OP says she’s learning to drive and is quite close to passing, hence the car being bought for her by her mother.

What a selfish twat.
Stay close to your mother, you are going to need her with a prick like that as a partner.

Selfish prick

Oh I've already failed twice lmao