Should I bring this up with my daughter or leave it?

[feedmefudge]

The problem is, I would land her big sister in it. Let me explain.
I have two lovely teenage daughters. The youngest (16 next week) became a school refuser towards the end of high school and it was a very difficult time. My heart broke for her. And because she wasn’t at school, some of her friendships fell by the wayside a bit. So I was delighted when she met up with friends today. After that, they came back here and I made them pizza. I should have known it was too good to be true!
Her big sister later told me that she posted a pic on her social media (which I don’t have) of her and her friends drinking at the park 😭
This isn’t a regular occurrence as she doesn’t really see friends on a regular basis. I saw them after the park and they were absolutely fine, not drunk and just happy to be in each other’s company. My daughter apparently got served at a corner shop, as she is very tall for her age.
Big sis had begged me not to say anything and I don’t know what to do. On the plus side, my youngest has a college place lined up for after the summer and things seem to be looking up. Obviously, however, the drinking is far from ideal.
I don’t want to betray my oldest’s confidence and land her in it, but I don’t want this to go unchecked either.
What would you do?

Let it lie
Drinking cider in the park with your mates is a rite of passage
She wasn't drunk

I would completely let it go in the interests of her spending time with friends and being happy

Thank you. That’s my line of thinking too, but I couldn’t figure out if I was being too lax.

Yea I think at 16 you let it slide if she isn’t being ridiculous with it. Monitoring the situation carefully.

If she was 14 or a younger 15 I’d be more concerned.

Agree with all of this

I agree with the above.

Not ideal no, but a right of passage for most teenagers. They weren’t drunk and came back for pizza, so I’d leave this one.

Thank you all. Much appreciated.

Sounds like your daughters had a shit time ,I'd let it slide she's actually managed to not get into a state , she is 16 ... I wouldn't say anything also if you break your oldest child's confidence then she may not tell you something really serious in future x

I agree with the previous posters, let it lie. I’d be so grateful that she is reconnecting with her friends. That’s so important.

Ok, I’ll let it go and continue to monitor things. I honestly wouldn’t have known about the drinking if my eldest hadn’t told me (and I’m usually like a bloodhound with that kind of thing).

While not exactly ideal - it is normal 16 year old behaviour. Just keep an eye on it and try to engineer a conversation about being safe with alcohol/sensible drinking on the next few days. Also make sure she knows of something goes wrong or gets out of control she can call you and you will help her.

Also - what was big sis's motivation for showing you the pic?

I was honestly so happy and thankful.

I think given she's nearly 16 and obviously drank in a sensible way (ie wasn't hammered), I'd leave it and still be pleased that she had a good time. I'd say experimenting with alcohol is very normal at this age, so nothing to be hugely concerned about if done in moderation.

You get her big sister to have a chat with her, mention that she saw the pic and make sure she’s ok and to make sure she always calls one of you in an emergency.

My DD’s have a sister pact and they often each break it to tell me things, I’ll give them
advice and then they talk it through together.

It’s totally normal for a kid her age to have a little drink with her friends in the park. All my DC have done that after GCSE’s & Alevels.

I agree. And the fact she posted it on her social media means she is not trying to hide it. Did they drink a bottle of vodka each or share a couple of cans between them? Context is everything.

She probably wanted to fit in with friends she lost contact with.

I would definitely let this one go - but I would have my Spidey senses on alert in case it kept happening.

I wouldn’t have an issue this. Pick your battles. This is not one of them and totally normal for that age group.

With the other posters - 15/16 and drinking in the park with mates? I’m actually happy that kids today are still doing this, it was what a lot of us did as well. Bonding experience, reconnecting with her friends and sensible enough not to get drunk. Sounds positive tbf. Can’t believe her older sister dobbed her in though - what happened to sibling loyalty?! 😂

Is big sister close enough to have a chat and tell her just to make sure she is safe

Think I’d be having serious words with the shop owner!

Sounds like she’s done something very age appropriate and normal.

I know. The Asian corner shops in my city are so bad for this. I work in a secondary school and it’s where all our pupils get their vapes.

The one thing I would do is have a conversation with your DD and make up someone from work saying about measures of alcohol and that made up person's child not knowing that a shot of vodka is either 25 or 35ml. That way she starts to understand measures and units of alcohol.

With mine I managed to get in before they drank and made Ds pour out water as a shot of vodka into a glass so he could see how little that was and yet 1 unit of alcohol for 25ml, whereas a pint of beer at 4% would be 2.3 units of alcohol. We also had a beer glass in the house which was an usher gift a million years ago which Dh uses for non-alcoholic Guinness.

I would just keep an eye on it and make sure she understands how vulnerable you can be whilst drunk and that you don't always make good choices when drinking but you will have to work this into a general conversation. Your eldest DD may be able to help out with that. She might be the one to talk to her.

Leave it. A 16yo drinking sensibly is nothing to get worked up about.

Agree with this, and at least she is doing stuff rather than stick to a screen at home, like many.