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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree over attending children’s parties

10 replies

TheRedRaven · 26/07/2025 16:21

Hi all,

Me and DH have had a minor disagreement over attending our friend’s children’s birthday parties. Each time one of our friend’s children has an upcoming birthday party an invite gets put out into the group chat with a mixture of those of us with children and without. I have always felt that as we are without children, it would be awkward for us to attend as we have no relationship to the children that will be there, and we wouldn’t be able to do any sort of socialising as the parents will be busy with their kids, plus the event is not about us socialising with our friends, it’s a kids birthday party, full of screaming children who are having fun. We have of course attended family member birthdays for our young nieces, nephews and cousins, but I feel that is different as we have relationships with the children, and children of our best friends who we would be called ‘auntie and uncle’ to.

My DH feels that we should attend because he’d like the opportunity to see our friends and catch up with them. I have reiterated that it will only be the friends with children, who will likely be too busy for a catch up, and we both have plenty of child free opportunities to catch up with them. I have no aversion to having a relationship with the children either, we have spent 1:1 time with our friends and their children in their homes but this is not common, and we aren’t close enough to any of these friends for them to ask us to babysit for example.

AIBU for saying we shouldn’t attend? It’s worth noting that DH wouldn’t attend without me.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 26/07/2025 16:24

Your friends would not invite you if they didn't want you there.
They clearly see this as an opportunity for a catch up and not just a children's birthday party.

Sauvignonblanket · 26/07/2025 16:26

You don't need to have one rule for every party - go to one, see if you have fun and enjoy catching up, and decide from there, maybe go to one in two or three?

usedtobeaylis · 26/07/2025 16:30

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable, you just see it differently. You could always just double check with the friends doing the inviting.

Whaleandsnail6 · 26/07/2025 16:31

My kids are too old for some of my friends younger kids parties now but I still go when invited.

I chat to my friends who are there with their kids (admittedly I often don't spend much time with the hosting parents as they are too busy) and help pass food and cake out.

Its nice to be invited and involved

CandyCane457 · 26/07/2025 17:13

You’ve been invited/included, if you’re free then go along. I don’t think it needs to be that deep. If there’s a bbq or buffet as well, bonus. Go for an hour, have something to eat, your friends will appreciate you “showing up” for them at their events.

mnahmnah · 26/07/2025 17:15

What kind of party is it? Soft play, no chance would I go in your shoes and would assume they have invited you to be fair. At their house, more casual type party where the kids all just play - yes, go, these things are often an excuse for the adults to catch up rather than the actual birthday!

TheRedRaven · 28/07/2025 15:54

Thank you all, you have definitely given me lots to consider. I will speak with my friends when there is another invitation.

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 28/07/2025 15:57

Family party in the garden or at home, definitely go if it works for you.

I’d skip soft play and the trampoline park.

Contained in gardens or houses designed for children it perfectly possible to have sensible chat while children are also on the premises.

Thewaterboy · 21/04/2026 19:55

If he wants to go he could go on his own

VividDeer · 21/04/2026 19:59

My daughters first birthday was a bbq with booze. A celebration for everyone, with or without kids. Although no pressure to attend.

I dont invite friends to soft play parties etc.

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