Catty friend of a friend- did I overreact?

[Lazy56789]

I've only met her a couple of times, she's very close with one of my main friends.
I should add that they both speak another language, one that I have a very good grasp of but I'm not totally fluent in, so sometimes I may not be able to express myself the same or come across as 100% confident.

We met up as a 3 and I thought it had gone well, then she said to my friend about me 'I could tell she was nervous', ok, fair enough.

I did a balayage for my friend and then apparently this woman said behind my back, "That's not how it's done, I'll do it next time." Then...didn't do it?

Tried to get to know her more and we chatted a bit on social media, then she said to my friend "Oh she sent me another long message today."

Not sure why the friend kept telling me this..
Anyway, we were on a train me and the friend, and I think they were messing about by text. The friend showed me a couple of daft memes and stuff.

Then the friend suddenly said, oh no sorry I really can't show you that one, it's pretty bad..
I wish id there and then asked what it was, because it was then eating away at me.
However I felt like I didn't have the 'right' to demand what the message said and it was my friend's private phone.

Anyway it was still eating at me later on, I ended up a bit upset because it just feels like being at school again. My friend admitted she'd been sent some goofy meme from this woman and said the picture reminded her of me.

I will never see this woman again, I can see she's a horrible person now. Apparently my friend was pretty annoyed and the friend apologised. I wish I'd just said it earlier, but you can't really force someone to show you a message can you?

I know it says everything about her and who she is. I don't know what's wrong with some people really.

It sounds like your friend doesn't want you to be friends with her friend, or she likes to upset you. I'd wonder if her friend really said any of this about you. Not nice of your friend to pass it on if she did.

@Lazy56789 your primary friend does not sound a good person at all. Instead of ‘passing on’ these negative comments which surely as a grown woman she’d know would make you feel bad, she should have been privately reprimanding her friend and saying that sort of toxic behaviour is not okay an dealing with it behind the scenes without you knowing. But like I said, that’s if she was a good friend.

Hmm, if my ‘friend’ said something horrible about another friend I’d tell them what I thought about their bitchiness and I wouldn’t pass it on. Also, you only have her word that she defended you - I wonder if she had another reason to stop you from looking at the exchange…

Either way, you deserve better than this childishness!

When I was first married to my late DH in 1988 we moved to Wales into the community where he'd spent his childhood. He came from a Welsh speaking family & lived amongst Welsh speaking people.

When we first moved into our house a neighbour came out to greet us saying to my DH (in Welsh) 'What's wrong with Welsh women that you couldn't marry one of them?' My DH answered, that it was none of her damn business who he married & he expected a welcome for his bride. We once went into a pub in Darkest Wales, I went to the bar to order drinks & everyone started talking in Welsh talking about 'in-comers'. Next round I go up & order the drinks in Welsh (having been coached by DH) - that shut them up & changed their attitude 😂

His family always spoke English when I was around & he made sure that his friends always spoke English around me. I learned to speak Welsh to a decent standard &, at my request so that I could learn, the family started to speak in Welsh around me, but were always very quick to translate - sometimes too quick(!) as I was learning the language & sometimes needed time to work out what had been said & my response. However I think that your friend was BU & excluding you as was the other friend - how very rude!

I'd be ditching this so called 'friend' who seems to relish in telling you everything this other woman has said about you.
Your life will be so much better without this type of playground mentality.

I actually think the 'friend' is the worst one in this situation.. why is she telling you all the nasty things the other women is saying? It's weird and gives off really bad vibes. She sounds like she's trying to upset you, is that really what a friend should be doing? I'd ditch her to be honest, who wants to be around someone like that anyway? Boring and childish!

Both of them are horrible, your supposed friend is a stirrer. Cool your relationship with her, completely block the other one. Concentrate on your other friends.

This.

Your friend is horrible. As is her friend.

Just avoid them both.

Surely OP you have other friends that are actually nice?

The ‘catty’ friend of a ‘friend’ sounds childish and nasty, but your ‘friend’ is vile for not shutting her down and having your back. She’s the one who owed you that, not the catty stranger.
Your anger is being (partially) misdirected.

This @Lazy56789 - they are both awful but I’m inclined to think your ‘friend’ is worse. They bring out the worst in each other, not to mention the second one is trying to get between you and the first. Just horrible.

Go and find some new friends who are worth your time and energy ;and show kindness not malice