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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting to my husband doing this

14 replies

PoppyGalore1 · 26/07/2025 08:49

My husband had plans to attend the Ascot races yesterday (Friday). Unfortunately, our son came down with a vomiting bug and had to be collected from nursery. Understandably, my husband was hugely disappointed, but he spent the day sulking and walking around with a face like thunder because he couldn’t go.

As I’m self-employed, any day I take off means I lose income. Despite that, I stepped up to care for our poorly son. My husband’s sulking was so overbearing that I eventually told him to “just go” to the races – I honestly couldn’t face dealing with his mood on top of everything else. I only asked one thing in return: that he not stay out too late or get so drunk that he’d be of no help whatsoever. I just needed a bit of support - some respite - after caring for our son all day and night.

Instead, he came home completely paralytic. He doesn’t even remember half the things he said – which included calling my family (our son’s grandparents and uncles) a “waste of space” and saying that I, sexually, was also “a waste of space”. Amongst other things. Then he passed out on the sofa.

This morning, there’s been no remorse. No apology. I felt utterly disrespected and upset, so I asked him to pack his things and leave. He didn’t even get up with our son, nor did he text yesterday to check on him while he was ill. When I asked for help this morning, he just said, “No, you do it - I’m going back to bed,” because he was that hungover.

He’s now accusing me of overreacting, and told me to leave.

I feel completely heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I feel deeply sad, unsupported, and utterly disrespected.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/07/2025 08:51

He can leave
i can bet this isn’t the first time he’s behaved like this either
he’s the waste of space

ReservationDogs · 26/07/2025 08:53

Is this a one off, or is he like this often.

QuickFawn · 26/07/2025 08:53

Ltb, what other responses are you expecting?
he’s an utter twit

LancashireButterPie · 26/07/2025 08:54

Oh love, he sounds awful. Especially the comments about you being "a waste of space".
There's a massive lack of respect there and also disdain for your family.
If this is a one off isolated event than I'd probably pick up DC and go and stay with your family for a few days to let him cool down and see sense. Await am apology.
However if this is a part of a pattern of behaviour then I'd seriously be thinking if I had a future with this man.
Can you see yourself living happily with him for the next 40 years?

CopperWhite · 26/07/2025 08:54

Why did you leave work if not for him to go to the races?

This sounds like it could be one of those situations where emotions are running high because of tiredness and the stresses of sick young children, and it has turned into something bigger than it needs to be.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 26/07/2025 08:59

CopperWhite · 26/07/2025 08:54

Why did you leave work if not for him to go to the races?

This sounds like it could be one of those situations where emotions are running high because of tiredness and the stresses of sick young children, and it has turned into something bigger than it needs to be.

Have you read the OP? The answer to your question is there.

Emotions are running high? Yes they are because the husband is a grade A cunt.

OP, get rid, he's a useless piece of shit.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/07/2025 08:59

He sounds horrible in so many ways that I can't believe this is a one off
Sulking about his child being ill
No concern about his ill child
Putting his leisure time above your job
Completely ignoring your requests for help
Saying nasty things designed to hurt
Not listening when you need some space

That's not just one little issue that's indicative of a selfish nasty man who doesn't care about his family

I don't think there is much you can do other than make plans to leave

Meadowfinch · 26/07/2025 09:00

Why you are with this man ?

He couldn't care less about you or your son, he is spoilt, petulant, abusive and a drunk. Why are you wasting your life with a total loser? He is certainly not a decent role model for your child. In fact he will have a detrimental effect.

I bet you and your child would be far better off without him. At the very least you could organise reliable childcare that would allow you to maintain your income.

Just another shabby second rate, disappointment of a man

Ammina · 26/07/2025 09:12

This sounds like a much bigger problem than just yesterday. He said awful things to you and being drunk isn't enough of an excuse.

I am a bit confused by the whole set up - it only takes one parent to look after an ill child. Eiither the employed one takes a day off and waves the Ascot-going one off no drama, or the Ascot-going one stays home and gets on with looking after the child while the working parent is busy working, and not there to be an audience for stroppiness. Perhaps things went the way they did because your relationship is already not working well as a partnership, and things have broken down quite a lot.

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 09:14

I feel so angry for you after reading that. What a dick.

No, you haven’t overreacted at all.

Katherine9 · 26/07/2025 09:15

rubyslippers · 26/07/2025 08:51

He can leave
i can bet this isn’t the first time he’s behaved like this either
he’s the waste of space

Completely agree.

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2025 09:36

He called you a waste of space sexually? Well I wouldn’t be letting his dick anywhere near me from now on then!
I’d be telling him to fuck off too. Wouldn’t it be a shame if he picks up your little one’s stomach bug 😑

Hols2024 · 26/07/2025 19:07

He sounds like a dick! I wouldn’t stay with someone so disrespectful!

fakegrassdisappointment · 26/07/2025 20:07

I will bet my house that he treats you this way often.
It sounds exactly like the behaviour of my extremely abusive ex husband.

If I were you, I would give serious thought to splitting with him.

I put up with this behaviour for over 20 years. I am a shell of the person I was. Don’t be me.

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