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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking no joy in anything but work

8 replies

awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 21:55

I've changed job and im so thrilled, what im doing now isn't too different to before but makes such a difference to people.

Im self employed and always have been and its going so well, can afford to redecorate and have holidays and upgrade cars etc, have nice dates with DH. No kids and not possible to have them given my medical status and we don't particularly want them, we have a cat we dote on.

Since changing, ive lost interest in everything. If im clear of work, I've got series to watch, books to read, gym classes to go to, dance clubs to attend with dh, friends to see, video games to play, lots of things ready to enjoy in my downtime but I have no inclination to amuse myself

Sometimes I slip with my Ssri tablets but even when on them nicely I seem paralysed and unable to get started of an evening, afternoon or weekend to dip into any of the lovely things I have lined up and look forward to

So as not to drip feed I was badly attacked by my mother a year ago and have been in therapy since after going no contact after years of abuse but since then I have enjoyed some hobbies and leisure activities. It's just the last few months ive felt despondent about it. I could go game, read, dance, whatever... im just frozen staring into space

I dont know what my aibu is... I just need help im so sad that my free time slips away unenjoyed

OP posts:
TheTwitcher11 · 25/07/2025 22:13

awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 21:55

I've changed job and im so thrilled, what im doing now isn't too different to before but makes such a difference to people.

Im self employed and always have been and its going so well, can afford to redecorate and have holidays and upgrade cars etc, have nice dates with DH. No kids and not possible to have them given my medical status and we don't particularly want them, we have a cat we dote on.

Since changing, ive lost interest in everything. If im clear of work, I've got series to watch, books to read, gym classes to go to, dance clubs to attend with dh, friends to see, video games to play, lots of things ready to enjoy in my downtime but I have no inclination to amuse myself

Sometimes I slip with my Ssri tablets but even when on them nicely I seem paralysed and unable to get started of an evening, afternoon or weekend to dip into any of the lovely things I have lined up and look forward to

So as not to drip feed I was badly attacked by my mother a year ago and have been in therapy since after going no contact after years of abuse but since then I have enjoyed some hobbies and leisure activities. It's just the last few months ive felt despondent about it. I could go game, read, dance, whatever... im just frozen staring into space

I dont know what my aibu is... I just need help im so sad that my free time slips away unenjoyed

Why don’t you force yourself out for a walk just to see how you feel? Your walk could turn into a spontaneous coffee or visit to a gallery or outdoor market? That way you avoid overwhelm by feeling like you’re tied to something.

BorrowersAreVermin · 25/07/2025 22:16

I'm by no means an expert but speaking from personal experience you sound like you could be suffering from a low mood or some kind of depression. An assault is a big deal that can leave victims with PTSD, add to that it was from someone who should be protecting you, and you've had to come to terms with not seeing or speaking to them ever again. It's a lot to deal with.

There's no timeframe on when or how you should react, you may have spent a while on autopilot and your body and mind have just started the comedown from that.

For me losing DM was a trigger for a mental spiral that took months and months to come back from and feel like I could enjoy my day again. It wasn't that work was the only thing I could enjoy, it was the only place I could feel normal. One big distraction from everything else.

I hope your therapy helps you out, but you have to be kind to yourself too. These things take time to lift, for want of a better word. I felt it was a weight or fog that gradually lifted. When you do have a bad day just do whatever it is you do, even if that is being zoned out. It just takes little steps at first and it doesn't matter how long they take to come.

Original poster
awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 22:16

Unfortunately I live in a village nowhere near anything such as a market or gallery, but I could likely stop off in town next time I'm working in one, and go for an amble. Thats a good idea, maybe go shopping for nik naks or treat myself to a coffee with a book for 30 min enforced chill.

Thank you 🥰

OP posts:
Original poster
awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 22:19

BorrowersAreVermin · 25/07/2025 22:16

I'm by no means an expert but speaking from personal experience you sound like you could be suffering from a low mood or some kind of depression. An assault is a big deal that can leave victims with PTSD, add to that it was from someone who should be protecting you, and you've had to come to terms with not seeing or speaking to them ever again. It's a lot to deal with.

There's no timeframe on when or how you should react, you may have spent a while on autopilot and your body and mind have just started the comedown from that.

For me losing DM was a trigger for a mental spiral that took months and months to come back from and feel like I could enjoy my day again. It wasn't that work was the only thing I could enjoy, it was the only place I could feel normal. One big distraction from everything else.

I hope your therapy helps you out, but you have to be kind to yourself too. These things take time to lift, for want of a better word. I felt it was a weight or fog that gradually lifted. When you do have a bad day just do whatever it is you do, even if that is being zoned out. It just takes little steps at first and it doesn't matter how long they take to come.

Thank you... definitely depression that ive had even before going no contact with mum
Im sorry you went through that. Did you manage to come back to things?

OP posts:
NFItheawkardness · 25/07/2025 22:24

What age are you? As I had similar at 42, start of peri symptoms.

Apart from that, I realised that I had to ‘prescribe’ myself a 15-30 minute run and 10 mins pilates several times a week and just do it despite feeling like it or not - really really helped, esp if in nature for the walk.

Original poster
awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 22:32

NFItheawkardness · 25/07/2025 22:24

What age are you? As I had similar at 42, start of peri symptoms.

Apart from that, I realised that I had to ‘prescribe’ myself a 15-30 minute run and 10 mins pilates several times a week and just do it despite feeling like it or not - really really helped, esp if in nature for the walk.

I am 35 - so not near peri but I have had debilitating endometriosis since 13 years old. I love running but the same applies. I did couch to 5k before and got really into it, used to do body pump and all excersise classes so religiously. I can currently drag myself to zumba once a week down from 3. I am considering a hysterectomy which I am imagining will speed up meno but the info is very confusing

OP posts:
BorrowersAreVermin · 03/08/2025 20:31

awkwardasfuck · 25/07/2025 22:19

Thank you... definitely depression that ive had even before going no contact with mum
Im sorry you went through that. Did you manage to come back to things?

Show quote history

I did, thanks for asking. I mean it's something I think I learned to cope with rather than getting over, if you know what I mean. I still think about her and have mixed emotions, sometimes happy memories, sometimes sad she's not here anymore, but yeah I think taking a few minutes when I need it and not dwelling helps.

I hope you're feeling a little more at ease with things too.

Original poster
awkwardasfuck · 03/08/2025 22:02

Thank you - my mum left every chat group shed ever been in with me since Facebook began - i dont think she knows we get notified but I had a whole inbox full of xxxx has left the chat

I blocked her because it was making me uncomfortable that she was watching my stories and seeing what id been doing

It a seems very final, she will never reach out

Im feeling okay, worrying about my brother even though he is as volatile and agressive as she is, he is abroad working indefinitely but it hurts knowing my family is gone

I have an amazing husband and in-laws and a core group of close friends who are in a similar boat who go above and beyond for me as I do them and are my real family

OP posts:
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