To not go swimming until September

[Emeraldiisland]

DS has autism and his needs are quite complex. There are lots of activities he just doesn't enjoy. The one thing he really loves is swimming and we go 5x a week normally.
As he's on a reduced timetable I usually take him early afternoon when it's quiet. Obviously a bit busier now as it's the school holidays.
Went swimming today and DS was jumping about and he was swinging his arms. There was a couple there with their grandchild. DS splashed the grandad and may have knocked him with his hand. I apologised instantly and this man was ridiculous. Said I shouldn't bring my child swimming if I can't control him (bearing in mind we were in the small pool so quite a few children splashing. I apologised again and said he's autistic. This man snapped that was no excuse and every badly behaved child has autism these days.
I ignored him after that and he left quite soon after. His reaction seems OTT I have been bumped by kids and DS has bumped in to other people. Usually parents just apologise and that's it.
I suffer from low confidence and self esteem and the whole incident has put me off talking him swimming again in the holidays.
DH normally takes him swimming on the weekend so he will still get some pool time.
I don't want to deprive DS of something he loves but it's fucking hard being judged by strangers. How do you react when you get bumped by a young child in the small pool? Would I be really unreasonable to not take him swimming until September? I feel I should just ignore the twat and carry on but I'm worried about a similar incident happening.

The guy was a that, but there'll still be that's in September. Don't let it ruin your summer

My autocorrect is aparently much politer then me.

That = twat

That guy might be there in September too though - so I don't know why missing out the whole of August would necessarily avoid him - particularly as he's older, he might well be retired and have all the time in the world. It's difficult when someone knocks your confidence, but he could have been having a bad day or he could have just been a bad apple, there is no way to know. You just need to get back on the horse - or in the pool, which is the case here. Don't let one overreaction spoil a summer of swimming for your child.

I wouldn't let one idiot spoil your DS's fun. If he wasn't hurt, he's being ridiculous. I swim and once accidently caught a little girl with my foot. I went back and apologised to her and her mum. The mum said "it's fine, just don't do it again!" 🙄
I think the only way for you to feel better about this, is to get back in the pool, and have a positive experience.

As long as your DS is happy then I would do my best to take him. Even if it’s a bit less than normal. Or at a different time? Can you ask the centre staff for when is the quieter times and go then??
If you’re sure that his behaviour is minimally disruptive then you’re just going to have to be brave. There will always be idiots, you can’t let it stop you.

Am very surprised someone has voted YANBU.

It would be a massive shame to not take your dc to something her really enjoys because once you bumped into someone who is either very miserable, or who was just at the end of his tether because of other things going on in his life.

If you are in a public swimming pool, where families are having fun then sometimes someone bumps into you. Fact. You have nothing to be worried about and shouldn't let this man's miserable retort spoil a whole Summer for you and your ds.

@EmeraldiislandI really feel for you but it’s time to harness your inner voice and inner anger. Do not take away from your child something he enjoys, his life and yours are challenging enough without silly fools intimidating you.

I know it can’t be easy with low confidence and low self esteem but if you don’t stick up for your child then who will? Most decent human beings understand the challenges and the bloody idiots that don’t are not worth the effort or head space. Go swimming, you’ve paid your money to attend and it’s as good as anyone else’s. You have every right to be there and so does your son.

<My DN has autism and it enrages me what my sisters has had to tolerate from judgemental fools.>

You will always get horrible people unfortunately, personally I would continue as it’s good for them to be in situations with a lot of different people. Alternatively, could you look to see if they do quieter sessions for this reason? I don’t know where you live but we have a good amount of private pools which are quieter and able to book with only a few people having slots along side.

The man you encountered was rude and there is no excuse for him speaking to you the way he did.

Whether or not you take your da swimming depends on whether you think he can cope well with the pool being so much busier than usual. I think in the baby pool you do need to be aware that there will be other nervous children around who wouldn’t like being knocked or splashed, and that is fair enough when they are still trying to gain confidence in the water. If you can ensure your child won’t create unpleasant experiences for other children, then take him swimming. If you can’t, then wait until September.

It happens. No biggie. Guy's just being a dick. Fall over and splash the heck out of him.

Our local pool has quiet sessions for kids with additional needs - could you ask for something like this?

Oh sorry girl, I know how stressful it is. Dd is 6 and autistic and LOVES swimming

She likes to jump in the water and doesn't like to play with me at all, i just stand in the water and watch 😄

Keep going. I understand having low self esteem too, but dont let this twat of a man stop you from doing something you love

He was rude and unjustified. Youre doing just fine ❤️

Don't let some old, stupid grump ruin something you love to do with your child.

Whilst you need to ensure your dc can do his favourite activities to a point, it mustn’t be at the expense of the enjoyment of other users so choosing a quieter time helps of moving dc away from others in the pool. The odd knock or splash is absolutely fine but move him away from others at that point to it’s not repeated.

I have an autistic dd and she hated being splashed to the point she was 9 before she would do swimming lessons because of being put off my unruly children. By being considerate and minimising disruptive behaviour you can still take dc swimming without upsetting others

I think you are right. There is a session on Saturday afternoon for disabled children but that's it. We do always take him to that one, he just loves going more.
He was jumping but he's 5 so not like he was splashing loads and nowhere near as much as the children who were jumping in the pool.
I have never seen this man before and I assumed he was there with his GS because it's the holidays. But obviously he could still be there in September.
I think I knew deep down it was unreasonable to not take DS, it just knocked my confidence a bit.

If I get knocked or splashed in the pool I don't care unless it's the same kid/family repeatedly. In which case I would say something. But otherwise it's fairly standard in a public pool to have some contact with other people.

You should definitely not let this one interaction prevent your son from going swimming this summer. Just forget it and carry on as you were.

I agree with everyone saying don’t let one upsetting incident ruin your time with your DS. I would go again with head held high.

You are doing nothing wrong and this man is a twat. If anything happens again speak to someone on duty.

You encountered someone rude and it’s understandable that it would knock your confidence. Most of us consider being splashed as part of going to/ taking our kids swimming. You and your child shouldn’t miss out because of one twat. Take him swimming as much as he likes.

Manifesting that his grandchild goes through a horrendous tantrum era 🤣🤣

I go swimming with my autistic DS 2-3x a week and have been knocked by kids loads, I’ve come out bruised but it’s just a quick “sorry” from either them or the parents and that’s it, I’d never make a massive deal out of it and most reasonable people wouldn’t either. He’s an arsehole for the way he reacted, I definitely wouldn’t stop taking my son somewhere he absolutely loves because of one idiot and his comments.

If there was other kids splashing then it’s hard to believe he just picked on you. I do think your child was much, much more actively splashing than you think. If it really was once then this man is definitely Ur, but it really doesn’t make sense that someone with a child themselves would say this.
sounds like it was more than once.

I sont like being splashed bit it happes and I am not aiming this at you personally but I am getting tired of a parent using a label to explain bad or annoying behaviour it is not an excuse

In this incident he may have been unreasonable or not behaviour does not suddenly become acceptable if you attach a label to it

I wondered if he'd been splashed by the other children jumping in and my DS splashing him was the straw that broke the camels back. It was ons splash by this man and it only splashed his stomach not his face or anything.

It was an accident and you apologised. The man might have been having a bad day or he might be a prick all the time, don’t let him ruin swimming for you both if your boy enjoys it.

It's not an excuse, it's a reason. I can't help my 5 year old having the understanding of a 2.5 year old. I wish he did have more understanding.I know the man wouldn't know that but I don't want to explain my DS's exact needs to a rude stranger.
Regardless I don't think one splash warrents his reaction.