Snotty colleague - AIBU?

[Snottycolleague]

So, I did a colleague a favour by helping them out with something important at work.

Naturally, I later asked if they could give me access to the key materials related to the project. But instead of a simple yes or no, they said it was "highly confidential" and they didn’t want to be "put in that position." They even threw in a condescending line: “I’m sure you don’t want me to be put in a difficult position” – as if I was trying to make their life harder!

Feeling a bit miffed, I politely messaged our team lead, explaining that I was keen to understand the wider impact of my work and asked if I could be added to the materials. I even said I would let my colleague know if it was approved.

Next thing I know, I'm added to the materials, and my colleague messages me, asking to be cc’d next time I go over their head!

I feel like I can’t do wrong for doing right! Was my approach really that bad? What would you have done in this situation? Let me know if I'm being unreasonable!

I would have done exactly what you did. I would reply to them and point out you were avoiding putting them in a difficult position as requested.

I wouldn’t worry, your colleague probably wanted to pass off your work as their own and you scuppered their plans. They will think twice about doing that again.

Is the colleague on your level or above you?

If they're above you, then they said no and I think you should have accepted that. If they're on your level, I see nothing wrong with what you did.

They also asked you not to put them in a difficult position so I don't know why you then brought their name into the conversation with the team leader? Seems unnecessary and as if you only did it because you were "miffed".

They’re at my level and they said that they didn’t want me to put them in a difficult position.

sorry my original post was badly worded / unclear. I didn’t bring their name in. I just said I would ask said colleague to give me access if it was approved - I was literally doing exactly what they had told me to do - ask team lead for access

If you're at the same level then you can't go "over their head" because they aren't above you for you to go "over" in the first place. You didn't need to go to them at all.

You've done nothing wrong.

I have a similar colleague - she's a massive dick and I cannot stand her. You have my sympathy.

Thanks! I just don’t see the need - it feels unnecessarily obstructive…

My reply was just “I only didn’t cc you as you said it was confidential and I should check with our team so I followed up with him directly. I’ll keep you in the loop going forward”

why is she being such a dick!

I wouldn't offer to keep her in the loop in future. She's letting it go to her head that she's on a "confidential" project that she thinks makes her better than you. Screw pandering to that shit.

Also it wasn't confidential when they needed your help!

You did the right thing and clearly the team lead had no issue with including you.

I suspect the colleague doesn't want to help you succeed in your role at work and didn't want people to know they had sought your assistance with their own work!

You're being too nice.

"I went 'above your head' because you asked me not to put you in the position of having to make the decision and it appeared you did not hold the authority to make the decision to share the resources - which I accept and take no issue with, to be clear.

I didn't copy you in because you had requested I didn't put you in any 'position' so considered you would prefer not to be included in the discussion. In my experience, if you wished to be involved in the escalation to [Team Leader], you would have forwarded my request on instead of responding to me and asking that I take the request elsewhere.

I consider that I did what you asked, I'm sorry if you feel that I should have done this differently. Regardless, no harm no foul."

Then you add the word "bitch" to the end, in your head, and send.

Thanks all, I would love to say that @ConfusedSloth but it’s not going to fly unfortunately 😂 perhaps in my dreams!

Was my message too nice then? I feel like I literally explained what was happening

Some people would literally step on their own grandmother's head to get advancement. I had a colleague similar to this. I left the company (was made redundant) and later on found out that she was claiming my work to be her own.

I took the greatest of pleasure in debunking this. No official action but everyone knew that she was a liar and not to trust her.

Ooooooo can we be friends???
Just fangirling here 🤣

They're idiotic.
You need that stuff to do the job THEY asked you to do, above and beyond your normal work
I'd have just said 'well, without that stuff I can't do the job'. And let them do it alone.

You're alright. I always had to go above someone because they would try and trap me or lie that I'd made mistakes they'd made. So yeah, just go above them if they won't play ball.

OP I agree with other posters.

You did nothing wrong
You should have been expecting your colleague to ask permission on your behalf.

You were quite right to leave them out of the request

Dont be ccing that colleague on anything which is not task related.
And dont be offering to help them with future tasks without running it by your manager so that your manager is aware of the extra work you are doing.

I'd love to be friends.

I honestly spent too long being too nice to one colleague. She was a really nasty piece of work and, eventually, I decided enough was enough. I remained professional, I never said anything that could be quoted as rude or unkind, I just made clear that I was not a child, was not below her and wouldn't be treated as if I am.

She's furious but she avoids me now rather than me living in fear of her.

The odd thing is that I thought every loved her and she was only awful to me. Turns out, no one could stand her but everyone thought I was friends with her because I'd never said anything bad about her. Once she started badmouthing me, everyone was much nicer to me haha.

It would have made sense to copy her in, not sure why you wouldn’t if you were doing what she asked you to do anyway.

🤣

Good that you are in recovery with helpfull work colleagues.

They are pissed because they got caught out. Probably took your credit as well

I would not be cc’ing in and in fact I would probably not help them again