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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain about this or just move on?

20 replies

ElephantsInTheWild · 25/07/2025 14:58

Sorry long post, I’ve tried to shorten as much as I could!

I had a really poor experience during a recent hospital stay. I didn’t complain at the time because I was too unwell, but now that I’m better and have thought about it, I’m quite upset and unsure whether it’s worth raising formally or if I should just let it go and stop making a mountain from a molehill

Everything was fine until towards the end of my stay- I was then treated by a nurse who made it clear she didn’t like me. She kept saying I was too anxious and stressed and I had to relax and calm down. She also said I was just ill because I was so anxious and worked up (not at all true, I have a heart condition). She would literally come into my room to say this multiple times- I was sitting eating pringles, watching old love island episodes, chilling- I wasn’t at all anxious! It kept happening- I just brushed it off and counted down the days until I could get home

A few days later I became quite unwell overnight. I want to keep it anonymous so don’t want to give too many details but it was the same nurse again. From what I gather I was probably going to get several medications but the doctor was calling someone to double check before giving it (I think maybe the on call consultant?) I heard her say to the nurse to have the medications ready but she had to check something first. They both came back in, the nurse was putting the saline flushes through my arm so I could feel her working away but I wasn’t really looking, and the doctor had looked away for a minute to read my previous notes and then I started to feel really, really unwell. I started crying ‘something isn’t right I don’t feel well’ and the doctor was lovely, she immediately started asking questions, and then I looked over and the nurse was pushing something into my arm. I realised immediately whatever it was was making me feel unwell so I started to cry out to stop, then the doctor starting shouting out basically saying oh my god stop, that wasn’t supposed to be given like that, stop stop stop. The next bit was a bit of a blur and all I remember was suddenly a lot of people in the room, getting loads of other medication to fix it and being on oxygen for a while after. When I started to feel better it was several hours later and I asked the next nurse (who was lovely) what had happened and she said basically there had a been a mix up and I wasn’t supposed to be given the medication yet (we were still waiting on the consultants advice) but the nurse thought she was supposed to give it, and on top of that, it was given incorrectly (eg instead of slowly it was given very very quickly). She said it was a mix up and the nurse thought that’s how it was supposed to be given. Apparently my systolic blood pressure was down in the low 40s at one point

That night, the same nurse was on again and she continually kept coming in saying how I was anxious, and I had been too worked up last night and panicked myself about nothing. Eventually I got fed up and told her the only reason I was upset last night was because of her mistake, and that she made me really unwell. She walked out but kept coming back in telling me to go to sleep, I was too anxious and needed sleep. I just wanted wanted to watch love island in peace 🥲

After being discharged I put it behind me, but with hindsight, I’m actually really unhappy about it. I’m surprisingly less unhappy about the medication error (although it could have been very serious) than I am about how she continually gaslit me that I was anxious when I wasnt. I’d be very interested to know how many times the older men on the same ward were told they were anxious.

Anyway, is there a point making a complaint? Or will there already have been an internal investigation after the medication error? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble but equally I don’t want anyone else (especially another young woman) to ever be treated the way I was

OP posts:
MoodyMargaret11 · 25/07/2025 15:15

What a terrifying experience for you, that nurse sounds not right in the head to be honest. It's like she targeted you initially, what in earth was the point of her constant comments when you were just watching TV??
But what she did with the meds also doesn't sound like a simple "mix up", it's not a mistake easily made given you yourself had just heard the doctor's instruction minutes before. If she can't follow simple orders like these, yes I'd say she can be very dangerous to others.
Please do complain, her bedside manner alone is very bad, but she could make someone seriously ill (or get them killed god forbid), lastly as you said she didnt even acknowledge or apologize for what she did, only tried to further gaslight you.
Please complain OP, I doubt you'd be the first or last, and you might be instrumental in necessary action being taken against this woman.

rubyslippers · 25/07/2025 15:17

Absolutely complain
starts with PALS and then if you don’t get anywhere escalate through the hospitals official complaints route
sounds awful for you

RichardOsmansfondueset · 25/07/2025 15:20

Yes contact the PALS team, the details are on the hospital’s website and take it from there.

youalright · 25/07/2025 15:21

Absolutely complain i had a similar experience and actually banned the nurse from my care while i was in hospital and complained as soon as i left to pals and they escalated it for me. I find the comments worse then her almost killing you.

healthybychristmas · 25/07/2025 15:24

Oh my God, she sounds like Lucy Letby. Complain to PALS and if you don't get anywhere take it further.

becausewecancan · 25/07/2025 15:31

I wouldn't be so sure the medication slip-up was an honest mistake, considering her other bizarre behaviours. Definitely report this. You may save someone's life.

Not everyone is cut out for this type of work. Medical careers can attract a few dangerous weirdos, in among the good people genuinely committed to helping others.

TheHouseElf · 25/07/2025 15:56

You must absolutely put a formal complaint in about her. Not only her attitude and harassment of you (because that is exactly what she did, which probably affected your wellbeing and recovery) but also the mistake she made, which endangered your health. She undoubtedly will be doing this to others previously, and going forward. She needs a word in her hearing pronto.

ElephantsInTheWild · 25/07/2025 20:17

Thanks. I was honestly unsure if I was just being a bit precious and making an issue out of a simple mistake (it’s so hard to be objective when it’s about you!) but I’m going to make a complaint, hopefully it’s not too late to do so

the more I think about it the more annoyed I feel! I have no idea what I did to piss her off so much

OP posts:
MirrorMirror1247 · 25/07/2025 20:26

When incidents like what you describe happen, it should be entered into the Datix system, which is basically a system for logging errors/incidents etc so that there's a record of it and so it can be properly investigated. So, she should have been spoken to about it, but this won't be discussed with you. So yes, make your own complaint about it, because the way she blamed you was not on.

Cogsworthy · 25/07/2025 20:31

Definitely complain.

I once had a doctor perform a procedure without consent and then lie to me about my results when I was admitted in hospital. When I raised that I knew he was lying, he eventually admitted it.

The next thing I know, I have a psychiatric referral and he's saying I have anxiety. He prescribed propranolol, gabapentin, amitryptiline, acetazolamide and a few other drugs all at the same time with no explanation. I wasn't even told he'd made a psychiatric referral - he sent it to my GP without a word. I fully believe he was trying to make me seem unreliable if I complained.

I never did complain. I should have.

Kibble19 · 25/07/2025 20:31

Why do you think she didn't like you? Was there any kind of incident before this all started?

ElephantsInTheWild · 25/07/2025 20:44

Kibble19 · 25/07/2025 20:31

Why do you think she didn't like you? Was there any kind of incident before this all started?

Nah honestly nothing! I’d never met her before it all started. The only thing I can think it is maybe because I was different to the typical patient in there- eg everyone else was MUCH older (70s/80s) and I don’t know if maybe it’s because I was much much younger than everyone else and she thought I shouldn’t be there? Honestly not sure!

OP posts:
youalright · 25/07/2025 22:17

ElephantsInTheWild · 25/07/2025 20:17

Thanks. I was honestly unsure if I was just being a bit precious and making an issue out of a simple mistake (it’s so hard to be objective when it’s about you!) but I’m going to make a complaint, hopefully it’s not too late to do so

the more I think about it the more annoyed I feel! I have no idea what I did to piss her off so much

Its not to late you can report to pals upto 12 months after the incident took place. You are absolutely not being precious some nurses are vile and shouldn't be working in a caring role.

Mulledjuice · 25/07/2025 22:20

Definitely report it. Dp was in for several weeks and they were religious about not administering medicine until it had been prescribed by a doctor, even when docs were busy with rounds and patients in pain. So no nurse should be jumping the gun on any meds.

GoldPoster · 25/07/2025 22:21

Complain like mad, that nurse should be sacked, she’s dangerous, incompetent and has a terrible attitude. I’d go so far as to see a solicitor.

Walkacrossthesand · 25/07/2025 22:27

@GoldPosterseeing a solicitor to ‘go legal’ closes the door on the ‘complaint’ route - you can’t do both simultaneously. Best to follow the complaint process and seek legal advice if you’re not happy with the outcome.

youalright · 25/07/2025 22:28

GoldPoster · 25/07/2025 22:21

Complain like mad, that nurse should be sacked, she’s dangerous, incompetent and has a terrible attitude. I’d go so far as to see a solicitor.

A solicitor is a bit extreme

stonebrambleboy · 25/07/2025 22:33

MirrorMirror1247 · 25/07/2025 20:26

When incidents like what you describe happen, it should be entered into the Datix system, which is basically a system for logging errors/incidents etc so that there's a record of it and so it can be properly investigated. So, she should have been spoken to about it, but this won't be discussed with you. So yes, make your own complaint about it, because the way she blamed you was not on.

Yes incidents like this should be reported, but they aren't always.

Takersgonnatake · 25/07/2025 22:55

Was English her first language? The way she misunderstood the Doctor makes me wonder. You absolutely must complain and take this further. As a qualified nurse myself I absolutely wouldn’t accept this standard of care. Anyone can make a mistake, dangerous as her mistakes were ( and there appear to be more than one, not waiting for the Dr to confirm and also administering a slow IV medication as a bolus) they are not the worst of it. She appears not to have shown any remorse for endangering your life with poor practice, continued blaming you and gave no apology. If she cannot see what she has done wrong and learn from it then she completely lacks insight and this makes her an incredibly dangerous practitioner. Please take this all the way.

Fraggeek · 25/07/2025 23:01

In nursing we have what is called a Duty of Candour. This is basically that we have to be open and honest with our patients. It's a legal obligation.
The nurse who told you what happened was adhering to that. The nurse who made the mistake wasn't.

I would put a complaint in to PALs. I would like to believe this drug error was reported appropriately but I would absolutely want to follow up on it if it were me.
The mistake is one thing, her attitude beforehand, to a degree I would ignore. But given her behaviour afterwards, putting the blame on you, this needs to be taken further. I wouldn't want to work with a nurse like that.

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