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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to report this?

29 replies

Kittyfleur · 25/07/2025 00:53

A woman (I’ll call her Kim) started working in our company in May. She seems lovely and great at her job role and gets on with everyone which is brilliant as this makes everyone else’s job easier. A few of us commented she’s almost too good to be true as she’s fitted in so well and nothing is too much trouble for her.

Then this past weekend I received a message from a friend asking if it’s true that Kim is now working at the same company as me. I said yes it’s true and she proceeded to tell me that Kim’s boyfriend is a convicted sex offender who recently spent time in prison. She followed this up with links to the newspaper articles from the court hearings with photos of him and the articles go into great detail of his offences towards children and says he has a sexual harm prevention order which prohibits him from contact with children.
I have double and triple checked and this is 100% the same guy as he picks her up from work a couple of times a week so I see him. And it’s the same name.
The problem is, is that she leaves her young children from a previous relationship (9 & 12 years old) with him whilst she comes to work and I know that he stays over at hers and they often holiday together.

I cannot get my head around this and keep rereading the newspaper articles thinking I must have missed something. Why on earth would anyone consider being with anyone who had done such things let alone leave their children with him! (He admitted his guilt and the police had video evidence).
She must know what he’s done as their relationship started before his court case and must know that he’s been in prison as she told us she had a difficult couple of years recently as her partner had to ‘go abroad to work for a couple or years’ so they were separated.
And if he has a sexual harm prevention order, why has it not been flagged up that he’s spending time alone with children by whoever is monitoring him?

I just don’t understand. I know I need to report this which I am planning to do at the weekend, but should I be informing my boss too? (We work with the public and that includes children).
I’m sorry if I’m sounding dense as really it’s a no-brainer but I keep hoping I’ve got it all wrong somehow even though I know I haven’t. I really don’t want this information and I certainly don’t want to stir up trouble at work.

I just feel sick and can’t sleep since I found out.

OP posts:
fost · 25/07/2025 01:00

Absolutely report it to make sure he doesn't get a chance to harm her kids. No need to report to your boss though, Kim is the employee who is working with children, her partner isn't anything to do with her job (assuming he just picks her up from time to time and isn't hanging around there)

AWreckRightNow · 25/07/2025 01:06

I voted the wrong option without meaning to! Absolutely report it. I’m sorry it’s weighing so heavily on you

Thedogscollar · 25/07/2025 01:09

100% report.

HoppingPavlova · 25/07/2025 01:12

I’d report to Social. It’s relevant to Kim’s kids.

Not sure what it has to do with work or your boss though? Kim is fine to be around kids in the workplace, and presuming her boyfriend doesn’t have contact with kids in your workplace, what is the workplace issue you are flagging?

healthybychristmas · 25/07/2025 01:13

Definitely report it. You can contact the NSPCC if you want to and do that completely anonymously. I think whether I told my boss or not would depend on my relationship with my boss. Some bosses I've had would make this a lot worse.

ButteredRadish · 25/07/2025 01:16

Confront her tomorrow! I’d want to make sure she knew first. Then if she did, I’d be making it very clear what I thought of her, I don’t care if it shows me up at work, if she knows then she’s a paedo-apologist and no better than he is, especially as a bloody mother!

Mama2many73 · 25/07/2025 01:17

Definitely report.
At my work we had parents who split up due to DV from the husband (on wife and kids). Went to court and one of the stipulations was no close contact with kids under 12. He had started a new relationship and she moved her and her kids in. We repeatedly told SS but when they checked he was living in the ground floor apartment with his mother and she was living in the upper floor with the kids. SS accepted that even though the kids were telling us that they lived together and the mum and [man] slept in the same bed.
I think eventually she did leave him but I couldn't see why any woman would want to live with someone like that. She knew as she attended court!

MyCatsAreFuckwits · 25/07/2025 01:27

Having done safeguarding training for the past 5 years, report.
School, Social Services, Police, Employer.

Original poster
Kittyfleur · 25/07/2025 01:29

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I should have said why I thought I might need to inform the boss- we have regular staff social events which include beach days, theme parks & BBQ’s at each others house etc and the most recent ones have included our partners and children and she has brought both him and the kids. I certainly won’t be attending the next one knowing he may be there again.
Thanks again for the advice.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2025 01:41

HoppingPavlova · 25/07/2025 01:12

I’d report to Social. It’s relevant to Kim’s kids.

Not sure what it has to do with work or your boss though? Kim is fine to be around kids in the workplace, and presuming her boyfriend doesn’t have contact with kids in your workplace, what is the workplace issue you are flagging?

If she has responsibility for kids in the workplace, she’s demonstrating no ability at all to understand why the measures to keep children safe are there or interest in complying with the most basic of them for the dc she should care the most about in the workplace- I am not sure her employer can trust her to have responsibility for children as part of her job, and if the op thinks that she is obligated to report it to her work.

VainAbigail · 25/07/2025 01:43

Why are you waiting for the weekend to report?!?!?!?!?

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2025 01:43

Kittyfleur · 25/07/2025 01:29

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I should have said why I thought I might need to inform the boss- we have regular staff social events which include beach days, theme parks & BBQ’s at each others house etc and the most recent ones have included our partners and children and she has brought both him and the kids. I certainly won’t be attending the next one knowing he may be there again.
Thanks again for the advice.

Oh Christ 100% notify your work. She’s actively supporting someone to breach their restrictions and to put other staff kids in danger. What a fucking idiot. Her own children too…. Some women.

DysmalRadius · 25/07/2025 01:44

In light of your most recent post, I would report this to your employer as well. Do you have a safeguarding lead or is it not that kind of org?

Even without the days out, I would potentially report at work just because it shows such woefully poor judgement which could impact her work (as I say, that would depend on her specific role).

Original poster
Kittyfleur · 25/07/2025 01:55

Thanks again for the reassurance that I’m doing the right thing in reporting it. I’ll do it through NSPCC tomorrow.
And I now understand why this guy always wears a hat or a hoodie pulled up as I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be recognised from the newspaper articles or UK database.
At the last staff social that he came to he just sat in a chair in the corner not speaking to anyone or making eye contact. It all makes sense now unfortunately.
And the boss at my work is safeguarding lead.

OP posts:
Jamesblonde2 · 25/07/2025 02:13

Report asap.

SD1978 · 25/07/2025 02:17

Report to social services, nothing needs to be said in the workplace unless it directly affects work. Make sure you’re able to give examples, days you’ve seen them in the car with him, and not a vague I think maybe they do this. If it’s every day, let them know they would be able to see that for themselves if they needed to.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 25/07/2025 02:57

HoppingPavlova · 25/07/2025 01:12

I’d report to Social. It’s relevant to Kim’s kids.

Not sure what it has to do with work or your boss though? Kim is fine to be around kids in the workplace, and presuming her boyfriend doesn’t have contact with kids in your workplace, what is the workplace issue you are flagging?

Disagree. This woman has and is condoning a child abuser being around children. Her own children and possibly others. Her judgement is skewed to say the least and she's a safeguarding risk. You need to tell your boss too.

Dangermoo · 25/07/2025 03:27

Kittyfleur · 25/07/2025 01:29

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I should have said why I thought I might need to inform the boss- we have regular staff social events which include beach days, theme parks & BBQ’s at each others house etc and the most recent ones have included our partners and children and she has brought both him and the kids. I certainly won’t be attending the next one knowing he may be there again.
Thanks again for the advice.

Bloody hell. What is she thinking?

quietlyhopeful11 · 25/07/2025 03:30

I work in health care and have worked in sexual health.

100% report this to social work

JMSA · 25/07/2025 04:27

Some women shouldn’t have children 😢
And it’s a shame, not only for her kids but her too. It sounds like she is smashing the new job. She has a real chance to make something of herself professionally, and she’s putting him first. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Her judgment is so bad, it’s off the scale.

Elleherd · 25/07/2025 05:59

Based on the info you've put here, it's a 100% report to all including work.
The situation with her own children was clear to you from the of.
You where less sure about work but she's good with introducing a convicted child sex offender into other people and their children's social lives and covering for him.

Either he's in some ways controlling her and is behind wanting to be there, or she's in some ways controlling him and wanting him there, because it would have been so easy to have avoided any pressure to produce family members for work socials, by him being always too busy, unwell etc.
Many people who've done absolutely nothing wrong duck this stuff automatically.

If you fear stirring up trouble at work, then think through how it would land if everyone found out the hard way what he and she where about, and that you'd known all along and chosen to say nothing.

Hope today's conversations go well and cause you as least stress as possible.

HoppingPavlova · 25/07/2025 06:06

I should have said why I thought I might need to inform the boss- we have regular staff social events which include beach days, theme parks & BBQ’s at each others house etc and the most recent ones have included our partners and children

Now, with that additional bit of information, I DO agree with informing the workplace.

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 06:11

I would report to social services immediately. I would mention it confidentially to your boss and leave them to decide how to manage. I would not speak directly to Kim

terracelane23 · 25/07/2025 06:13

Yes, report.

TheSybil · 25/07/2025 06:18

Of course it needs reporting to work, she works with children and LADO need to be made aware. Spectacular lack of good judgment on this mum’s part.