I’m not really sure where to start, but I’ve been feeling so alone and confused lately, and I’m hoping for some perspective.
I’ve been married for 17 years. We’re both now 50. We got married quite quickly, I thought we’d grow into it and build a life together over time. It’s never really been great, but we’ve built a home and have a lovely child. We’re both on the same page about giving her a stable and loving home. We’ve both been faithful. He wants a family life, and he would be happy for me to take a step back and be home more — but the reality is we need my salary, so that isn’t really possible.
The truth is, though, he can be very difficult and selfish,with his time. When our daughter was born, he was incredibly unsupportive. When we brought her home from hospital (we were discharged early), he barely spoke to me as he wanted the evening to himself to relax, and it was like we were just an inconvenience. I stayed in part because I was scared about how I’d manage financially on my own.
Since then, we’ve raised our daughter together she’s now 12. I think she’s happy and secure, and we present a united front for her. But behind closed doors, it feels like he’s completely checked out of the marriage.
He does his own thing, barely engages with me, and has little interest in our relationship. Some of the issues:
- I do 90% of the childcare and household responsibilities. We both work full-time, although he earns a bit more.
- There’s no affection or intimacy , we haven’t had sex in over six months.
- We’ve slept in separate rooms since our daughter was born, partly because she was a poor sleeper.
- He spends every evening on his iPad, and once our daughter is in bed, he usually sits alone in another room.
- He avoids social contact and has gradually become more withdrawn. He’s fallen out with people at work, has no friends, and hasn’t seen his own mother in over seven months.
- My family feel he dislikes them and honestly, I don’t think like him.
- it’s impossible to take to him, when we get invited to things he just snaps that he doesn’t want to go or we have conversations where he just can’t be bothered with any more walks out of the room. It’s like I can’t engage with him..
He snaps at me often and blames it on stress (which I know is partly true), but it feels like he’s just avoiding life. Last Christmas, I spent the evening on my own after our daughter went to bed, while he played computer games in another room. If I disagree with him, he shouts. It’s like living with a housemate who resents me.
I’m exhausted and lonely. I’m starting to wonder if this is just what our marriage is, or if I’m clinging to something that was never really there in the first place.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this salvageable? Or is this just the end. .