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AIBU?

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WWYD - parents' family fall out

3 replies

LoftyAzureSeal · 24/07/2025 19:22

Looking for advice. Growing up I always knew my Dad found some aspects of his relationship with his parents difficult, particularly his Dad. Over the years these feelings have grown progressively stronger, his Mum died relatively young and he has some resentment about the circumstances, he also now seems to spend a lot of time dwelling on his childhood / young adulthood and feelings that he was mistreated. His siblings don't share this view, they believe they had a generally happy childhood so this has now meant he has also fallen out with them as they defend his parents.

I don't know really who is 'right' about their childhood, his Dad can definitely be difficult and his Mum suffered with her mental health so I am sure there were difficult aspects, but also he seems so angry and bitter that sometimes he sees malicious intent in actions from his family that from the outside seem neutral / well intentioned.

I would like to keep out of it but he / my Mum talk to me about it more and more and I feel dragged into it (although they say they want me to keep out of it I can tell they don't like me spending time with the family and bad mouth them all the time). Also I love them and this seems to be making them unhappy. Is there anything I can do that won't make things worse?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 24/07/2025 22:45

Could you suggest that your dad has some counselling to talk through his feelings around his childhood? And also suggest to him that he doesn't discuss it further with his siblings as they are never going to see eye to eye on this. Even though they have grown up in the same household, siblings can have very different experiences of their parents and his feelings are valid, even if others disagree. You can listen and say 'that must have been very difficult for you' without agreeing with him on everything.

Solocup · 25/07/2025 02:39

what are the ages here? Would be helpful to work out the dynamics

LoftyAzureSeal · 25/07/2025 07:11

Thank you for your replies, I have suggested therapy once. He was resistant to the idea - a combination of saying that talking about his childhood is upsetting and that my Mum is a good listener. But of course she is not objective. I will try again. My Dad has just reached retirement, potentially part of why this is surfacing more. Lots of time to think, so I worry it is going to get worse over time.

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