I Don’t Think She’s a True Friend

[DreamTheMoors]

Relatively long time poster - have not name-changed because this is not scandalous.
But this is my first thread - so please be kind, because I’m hurt and I’m angry.

I had a friend I’ve known since we were 13. We’re in our 60s now.
We’re in the states.
Let’s call her “Becky.”
Several years ago, Becky’s Mil was living with her husband’s brother & his wife in another state. Becky told me they were abusing the Mil’s funds and not caring for her - and they finally decided to bring here to California to live with them so she could be loved & cared for.
This woman was the nicest lady you’ll ever want to meet - loving & kind & honestly rather at the mercy of whomever was caring for her.
From day one Becky texted me every single solitary day complaining about the Mil - you name it, Becky texted & bitched. God almighty.
And every single solitary day, I was supportive - because that’s what friends do, are - right? That’s what I always thought.
This went on for SIX LONG YEARS - EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And iI was the dutiful supportive friend, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Then one day I saw a cute funny joke on my Apple News Feed that I was POSITIVE Becky would like and laugh at, written by a British woman:

”My mother in law stared wistfully through the rain - I almost let her in the house.”

I laughed. Because it’s funny - right?
Becky waa LIVID - she thought it was a dig at her (somehow) and was FURIOUS that I hadn’t texted her in 4 whole days. 4 days.
What followed was the most vile, disgusting and cruel diatribe anyone has ever said to me.
Am IBU thinking this is completely & totally out of line for a “friend” to behave? And no loss?
Was the joke out of line considering she’d bitched about her Mil for 6 looong years?
I’m at a complete loss.
I also am not heartbroken after the disgusting things she said to me.
My apologies for the length of this.
Thank you.

It does seem like a massive overreaction from her, and honestly, the constant texting expectations seem needy, weird and controlling to me.

That said, you have been friends for years, and if this seems out of character, I would be wondering what is going on with her that I am unaware of. I would be checking in with her to try to understand what has triggered this apparently batshit meltdown before I called time on a friendship of this length. Once you have worked out what is going on, then I would evaluate whether this friendship can continue in its current form in light of the horrible things she has said.

I think what can happen in any friendship, no matter how good it is, is that a pattern can set in and it gets stuck in a groove.
No matter how lovely the MIL, Becky is clearly struggling with her and venting at you, as she has been doing, is how she deals with it.
Which is like sitting in a rocking chair going back and forth - lots of activity, but you get nowhere.
You have taken on the passive listener role, and Becky has taken for granted that’s your job now. No consideration for how tiresome it is when it’s every single day.
I get the joke and think it’s really funny. But Becky has gone off like a rocket. Not saying that’s okay, but she’s clearly feeling under pressure.
With a few conversations and you being more open something could have been saved.
However, the attack after that was absolutely out of order. Berating you for not messaging her is bad enough, but then getting personal is really, really not on.
You are not a doormat or an emotional dumpster.
If it were me, I wouldn’t dignify her with a response and would give her a wide berth. She may go further next time.
I have a feeling because you aren’t saddled with a MIL you can’t stand, Becky may be feeling resentful. And that’s not your fault.
Let her get on with it and find another human support person.

Yanbu - that's funny in the circumstances! She sounds horrible and as you say yourself, no loss to you. Byeeeeee Becky!