Husband, Only Fans, Instagram and more

[thesunwillshineagain]

First time poster (please be kind)

I recently discovered that my husband has only been Only Fans for 2.5 years, he’s been spending our money on these girls by buying content. He stupidly let me see his socials and it’s filled with smut. There’s also a girl on instagram he has blocked. And the money spent on webcam girls. Prior to this, he said he never masturbated which is now hilarious, and claimed to have never been to a strip club since we’ve been together. Turns out he’s been a few times and has taken pills too. We have a healthy sex life, I’m in good shape and truly thought our marriage was doing well. I feel broken. Devastated.

He claims to not know why this girl is blocked on his Instagram. The man is almost convincing me but please, please can someone confirm that it can’t be an accident? I’ve messaged the girl and she claims not to know him.

Is this the end of my marriage? Am I being unreasonable?

What sparked him letting you see his socials?

In any event, all sounds nasty, depressing and rotten to the core.

Grim as fuck.

He thinks women are objects to pay for and wank over.

Come on OP. You have more respect for yourself than this.

Does it even matter about one blocked account OP? The rest is bad enough. Any man who pays for Only Fans would give me the absolute ick.

I'd be sorting out the paperwork and seeing a solicitor. I would not be prepared to bother have another conversation with him. I'd be done and not interested in any of his shitting lies.

Hope I’ve replied to this correctly! I caught him masturbating and he reacted so badly to it and then I realised things like how holds his phone etc so I asked to look at his phone. He knew it was coming because he’d attempted to clear a lot of things - secret email account etc. I just had an instinct. He clearly thought I wasn’t going to find anything, he was so confident when he handed me his phone.

I do. I really do but the reality is that I’m not in a position to kick him out. 3 children, 2 from my previous marriage. I know I deserve better but I need to be strategic in what I do next. My first divorce nearly killed me.

If he told you he doesn't masturbate he must think you were born yesterday. He sounds very sleazy, spending family money on strip clubs and Only Fans.

To add, he confessed to a gambling addiction about 5 years ago which led to him getting a credit card in my name and defaulting on payments. As I type this I realise how stupid I sound but equally I want to believe he can get help to sort this thrill seeking behaviour out.

Please say you don’t have children with this prince?

You can't unknow all this, OP, and he isn't going to change. I think you know the answer.

Yes, 1 gorgeous boy. I have 2 from my previous marriage. They are a bit older so if it was just them I would take my half and go.

Grimmer than a grim day in Grimsby.

He’s been spending joint money on this? I don’t really get the big deal about masturbating, nothing wrong with that, but the OF and Insta stuff is gross. It’s parasocial relationship sort of stuff, paying for a perceived relationship of some sort with the women. There’s plenty of free porn if it was just about seeing boobs and bits.

Let me guess, you have a baby and no sex life?

Oh 😢

I agree. He has made me really soft - when we met I had a tough exterior as I was healing from my first marriage (which I ended) and I think he’s taken advantage of that.

Can a man change?

What steps do I need to take to protect myself? I know he’s capable of making my life horrible.

I doubt they’ll be anything to take Op

Baby is 8 and we’ve always maintained a healthy sex life. The irony is in recent years I’ve had a higher sex drive than him and told him when I’ve had to sort myself out… now it makes sense

Grim

How can you even share a bed with him op

this is all quite sordid and messed up. Just sad children are involved

I think I do but it crushes me to have to accept it.

I am guessing he’s a lower earner and there’s not much by way of assets?

Put the ball in his court and ask him what he is going to do in regards to the content he watches and how he spends money online. I'd also touch base on the gambling and see if that has started up again. Ask him to fix the situation so much that you are in a good healthy place again and ask him to be accountable for needing to build your trust again.
The Instagram girl doesn't seem a big deal to me when you factor in the rest of it. Hopefully he can do all the grafting so you don't have to stress too much.

Sorry but he told you he didn't masturbate? and you believed him?

But in reality it doesn't matter if he does masturbate, it's perfectly natural for both sexes to masturbate. When you say you "caught" him was he watching something on his phone? I just don't understand why him masturbating means he is cheating on you and you demanded to see his phone?

I’ve not since I discovered this. There’s no way I could. He tries to touch me still and he’s craving affection but he can fuck right off. You’re right, it is sordid. He does a good job at trying to play it down

I wouldn’t want my children around him op
let alone living with him

what’s he like as a father?

when did you find out about this?

Joint income of £110k - he earns twice as much as I do.