AIBU to ask what DP and I should each pay into joint account?

[TheBerry]

I’m genuinely not sure what’s fair/normal and just looking for others’ opinions.

Basically DP earns more than me, but I have more money overall (due to gifts from DF who is well off). We have two DC and are not married and have no joint assets. We live in DP’s house. I’m 30s, he’s 40s, and there’s 10 years between us.

I earn 45k. I own a 400k house outright which I now rent to a family member for £9600/year. I have about 30k in workplace pension, 165k in shares, and 15k in my personal current account. No debt. When my parents die I’m set in inherit a substantial amount, probably over 1mil.

DP earns about 80k. He owns two houses with mortgages - one is 400k which we live in, and the other is about 200k which he rents out. The rent covers the mortgage for that house with a bit left over. He doesn’t have much workplace pension, but has a bit in shares and his personal current account - I’m guessing less than 100k. No debt apart from mortgages. He won’t inherit much when his parents die.

We both pay the same percentage of our take home salary into the current account, and I then pay a bit more from the rent money from my house since I only get that money because I’m living in DP’s house.

So:

He pays in £1100 a month

I pay in £740 a month + extra £400 a month which is half the monthly rent money from my house, so £1140 total

Does that sound about right to everyone? Should I pay more as I’m richer overall? Or should I pay less because we should each pay a percentage of our total income rather than how we’re currently doing it? Or something else?

Thanks for your help if you managed to read all that!

Personally you should work out what the bills cost and then what your total incomes are, so salary plus additional income strasms for you both and the pro rata.

If total income means you earn 40% of the total household income and he earns 60% you pay that proportion into the joint account.

However , how are things set up in the even you split up? Do you have any legal claims on the house you live in? If not you take out all mortgage, buildings insurance etc out of the mix.

This is how dh and I have things set up (along with an ironclad prenup) as I have more assets than he does.

I don’t think there’s any “should” answer to this. For many people the idea of not pooling all your money when in a long term relationship with children is absurd

He earns a bit more than you but are in a better position financially. I’d say 50:50 is fair.

Thanks - so you think we should include rental income as well as our salaries when calculating our total income? Because with my rental income I literally wouldn’t be able to get that money at all if I weren’t living with DP which is why I thought it seemed fair to pay half into the joint account I guess?

I’m not worried about us splitting up, but even if that did happen it would be ok. He would never screw me over or anything like that. I have no claim on his house, and that is fine by me. I’d never try to take anything from him. I already have more than enough.

He needs to get a bloody pension

And people always think that their partner won't screw them over when they split, but they always do

I mean I guess we could pool all our money but it seems pointless because we don’t need to spend it all? We just need the ~£2200 per month in the current account for food and childcare and household bills etc. and then he pays his mortgages and personal stuff from his own money and I do the same.

Dp needs to be topping up his pension was my first thought.

Hopefully not in this case 🙂 I mean I’ve had exs before obv and we’re all amicable and nobody’s tried to screw me over. And neither have I.

He’s mostly been self employed so doesn’t have much workplace pension. He’s planning for his second house to be part of his pension once he’s paid off the mortgage, plus his savings etc.

I’d say you need a financial advisor, earning £80k with very little pension and having £15km in your current account is very bad financial management!

I think for a relationship to work you need to have enough ‘spends’ each. It’s no good if one person wants to go abroad and the other can’t afford it, or get an extension or even go for nice meals. I’d say in your case that goes for retirement too. Do you really want to have tonnes of money and him to be skint? I’d work backwards from how
much you each need/want per month and who pays for kids clothes/clubs etc.

DP’s job is new - previously he’s been mainly self employed, hence not much pension.

Do you think I should have less in my current account? I should probably put some into a savings account, yes.

If you keep separate finances, then you should be paying in proportional to your incomes. Anything you might inherit or gifts you receive don’t count. That is why you are keeping things separate because you aren’t pooling and sharing your highs and lows. You aren’t financial partners.

He does need to pay into his pension every month. That is a necessary expense. It’s so necessary that at least up to a certain percentage should not count towards his income when determining your contributions. Whatever percentage you are able to put away through your employer, he should be able to do the same before tabulating his income.

I think paying equal amounts is loosely fair, taking the general picture into account, unless it leaves one of you short of day to day cash and the other one with plenty, then it might need looking at.

Of course you don’t need £15k in your current account! Get some of it in an ISA and savings!