To think that people who tell you to “be more confident” don’t actually like it when you BECOME more confident and stand up to them?

[CrayonRaymond]

This, really.

ive found this with many different people in my life - with younger and older adults

Only assholes.

Tbf most people with an ounce of intelligence don’t tell shy people to become more confident as they know it’s not that easy.

But YANBU some people have patronised me in the past by saying “stand up for yourself” but actually don’t like it when you disagree with them. I’ve found they are all quite similar and don’t want friends as such, they want people to do their bidding without question, and only want them to find their voice when it helps them.

Yeah I totally agree

i had a ‘friend’ as a teenager who didn’t like it when I lost weight and became a normal weight from being fat - she even became subtly bullying getting other people to ‘gang up’ on me

I only found confidence once I was divorced and living on my own because I had to do stuff myself. Prior to that I'd been controlled by my mother and my XH did virtually everything. He wasn't controlling but I didn't even know how to put petrol in the car!

Once I was divorced I finally stood up to my toxic mother - even though it cost me thousands in her will - and I felt great about it. She still tried to talk to me like I was 6 years old but to have the power to answer her back or just walk out of her house and not look back, was amazing.

This is fabulous and I wish I’d done this with my own toxic mother much earlier