Would you like to go back to non online dating?

[PassingStranger]

Would you like to ditch all the signing up to websites and apps and trying to match with someone online to meet.

Do you think it would be good if dating were to go back to dating before computers/phones were around.

For example you meet up with someone in real life who matches you,and gets to know you, acts like an agent/matcher. It would take all the trawling through apps and websites away?

Ok, would you prefer non online dating?

It was hard work getting dates before the internet. If you had a thriving social life, you might meet someone, but if you didn't, it was murder trying to get a date.
I used to use the phone lines for dating or those personal ads in the paper, you know, the PO box number ones.
trouble is the internet can overwhelm you, it has gone from one extreme to the other.
btw, do you remember agony aunt's advice when you could not get a date, they advised you to get a hobby or join an evening class to meet someone!

No. Screw sitting around in bars and having to approach people who aren't even interested in having a date.

At least you know on the website everyone who is on there is looking for someone rather than just out for a chat with their mates.

Online dating is ok. You just have to use the right site for you (of course free dating sites attract the sort of people who aren't willing to pay to take dating seriously) and apply a strong dross filter.

I met my husband using online dating around 20 years ago. It was still seen by some as a bit pathetic and raised a few eyebrows when I told people how we’d met. It’s strange how it’s now become the norm. Even though it has worked out well for me, I don’t think I’d use modern dating apps should I find myself single based on friends’ experiences.

I’m not sure. I think as someone said upthread, you can’t beat falling in love naturally, but as I said I do think it has its place as it allows people to meet people they wouldn’t otherwise have the chance to. There definitely needs to be a different approach, though. Too much chaff on them

As a single 40-something my chances of meeting someone irl are next to zero. I think it's even harder if (like me) you're not much of a looker. Even in my twenties I can count on one hand the number of approaches I received! (Fortunately one of those became my late husband).

Society has changed too, it's no longer okay for men to make approaches in most settings (work, on the street) but women don't want to approach either.

So I see online dating as a necessary evil, it's not great but what's the alternative?

I'd really like to see online dating become more sophisticated - better matching and so on. I do think it's actually improved slightly compared to 5-10 years ago but none of the apps have found the magic formula.

I suppose I have mixed views on this as my first husband I met normally and my second was through online dating. My second husband is pretty much a perfect match for me, whereas my first husband was a massive mistake. I think meeting them through online dating makes it easier to throw them back when they turn out to be arseholes.

As someone said upthread, the feelings of meeting someone naturally can’t be beaten. People can feel they know someone very well if they meet through online dating as they’re messaging so much beforehand and it’s all a bit artificial.

What's the magic formula.

In case anyones wondering why I was asking, I had thought maybe about setting something up that was not online dating.
I wondered what people thought.

I’m curious what it is, OP. I understand you will want to be careful about giving ideas away but it would be helpful to know so you know whether it would go down well or not.

Thinking about it, literally my only experience of meeting people in real life is horrible unrequited crushes, or in one single case a horrible uneven relationship with me doing all the chasing ( for 3 rather miserable years). Nobody I’ve been attracted to in real life first has wanted me in any kind of satisfying way, and the vast majority have not even noticed I was interested. A few have literally flinched away in revulsion. This is likely all because I have a high sex drive, am very susceptible to physical attraction and given half a chance am probably a bit of a creep. Online works far better for me.

Just going back to the old way of acting as a middle person, meeting people who signed up, or speaking on the phone, then matching them.
I also have another little idea to add to it,

Don't know whether I will, just wondered what people thought.

Like a dating agency? Could work. I don’t think people always know who is good for them, and I think the sense of choice on dating sites works against people actually finding a good match because they become too picky when they feel like they’ve got 1000 choices and are too scared to pick anyone. If someone was in charge of picking people out for them that might have more success.

@PassingStranger So basically you mean a dating agency? Sorry if I'm not grasping what you mean! Dating agencies have been around for years, at least since the 1920's. You sent in a typed or written "CV" (job, hobbies, likes/dislikes etc) along with a couple of photos and the dating agency would match you up with similar. Not sure how effective they were. I was a young adult in the 1970's and I don't remember anyone going short of meeting someone irl back then but the world is a very different place now.

I think as regards the online experience most people tend to move off the platform pretty quickly because it offers little in terms of functionality for shared bonding. Part of the reason for this may be because the platform owners don't want the responsibility of policing it or getting involved in it.

If online wanted to expand peoples use of the platforms then they have to offer more stuff than a fairly miserable and limited functionality chat app. Shared gaming for example would be something that would probably work.

The more peoples relationships develop though, the more likely they are to engage in potentially controversial behaviour that might lead to offence ,argument and the platform being dragged into that. So you would probably need a strong nanny AI to keep everyone in line.

I met my lovely lovely Dp exactly a year ago on pof. We are madly in love at the grand old ages of 59 and 65. Before that over the years I had probably had.40 -50 dates with nice enough men , some of whom remain friends. I think it's a great way to meet people but initially just for a coffee with zero expectations

If OP means a dating app where the applicant has been vetted and the vetting process included proof. For example a DBS check, then maybe people would go for it. Be expensive I would have thought though.

Even a singles night in a pub or something would be a change!

No. No one ever noticed me before the Internet. Parties, clubs, classes - I make a great friend, apparently.

Definitely wouldn't pay to be ignored.

I've never used online dating and if I were to find myself single, I can't see myself signing up to be judged by randomers online.
I also wouldn't use a dating agency so I'm probably not your target audience for this question.

If you have been married for 40 years, what are you basing your above comment on?

Why are you here then 😃 😀

They do speed dating in pubs , don't think that's what you mean though. What sort of singles evening do you mean?

so we are only allowed to comment on matters that we have experience of? Are we not allowed an opinion on things that we have not experienced personally? I have opinions on lots of matters, I did not realise that the thought police were on this forum🙄

Haha I clicked in error, read the op and she seemed nice so thought I would do a little boost comment

I am not the thought police, no. I asked you a simple question.

Do you not realise though that your comment could be seen as insulting to those of us here who are currently, or who have in the past used online dating? You consider us to be desperate, lonely odd-balls?