To ask how to feel better about myself

[Mummabear04]

I'm not sure why but over the past couple of years I've just been feeling more and more rubbish about myself. I'm in my late 30s and just feel after 2 kids and the absolute treadmill life can be with young kids, work, social life it just seems to have exhausted me. I had a bad birth with my youngest DC (just turned 3) and it honestly took me about 2.5 years to recover from it, spending a fortune on a women's physio. I used to be very fit and would exercise 3 times a week or more. Since the birth injuries (and a busy life) I maybe manage 1 time a week but even that the amount i am able to exercise is significantly less. My body feels flabby, I feel old with aches and pains, I'm tired all the time, I have in my head constantly that I look fat. I try hard to eat healthy and when it works with my job I try to do intermittent fasting but with all this I still feel fat and old. I do make an effort with my appearance, I apply make up every day and make sure my hair is OK. DH is always very encouraging and supportive, will carve out time for me so I can go to the gym and encourage me to buy new clothes or go and get my hair done, will take on his fair share of childcare and housework. He tells me I'm beautiful every day but in myself I just don't believe it. My dislike for myself is just growing. AIBU to ask how to you feel better about yourself?

Be kind to yourself. I had a relatively easy birth and when my youngest was 3 I was still unfit and unhealthy and sleep deprived and foggy headed etc. youngest has just turned 7 and I have more time to look after myself and exercise. Also my post pregnancy / small children brain didn’t return to full capacity til youngest started reception I reckon. I don’t think you realise in the midst of it how hard it is.

it does get better but also I realise I am just a bit old - mid forties and I unfortunately have aches and pains and less flexibility etc. it sucks but it’s life.

Life can just gang up on your sometimes and you kind of lose yourself I think. It feels like you're on a spiral down and can't get out of it. It happened to me after two bereavements one after the other. Here's some things that have helped me.

I joined Slimming World and lost three stone. It gave me an easy programme to follow and the discipline of weighing every week. Better than that though it gave me an hour a week with a group of lovely people who were all a bit in the same boat and were fun and friendly. I didn't feel like it was just me, fat, unfit and on my own.

I gave up beating myself up about the gym (which I hated) and found an exercise I really love. I swim in the sea every day now and just that single half hour is heaven for me. I've definitely toned up and knowing I have to get up and haul my arse into the sea stopped me drinking the night before. Stopping drinking made me feel so much better. That, the exercise and losing weight cured my aches and pains. I'm 60 now and ache less than I did when I was 50.

The money I saved on drinking I spent on clothes, had my hair cut properly (rather than hacking at it myself) and treat myself to nice hair products rather than cake and wine.

For me it was little changes as to try to overhaul myself in one go was just too intimidating. Good luck OP x

I’m more where you are OP and I really struggle to find time to spend on my appearance. I feel better though if I acknowledge the things I am doing well to myself, like feeding the kids healthily, making sure things are organised, juggling work and parenting (not doing that well but I am doing it!) I also make myself see the love and admiration on my kids faces a lot more than I used to. You’re still in the thick of the preschool years there, be kind to yourself.