Was she rude or AIBU?

[amibeingunreasonable11]

I'm from a European country and a lady and her family from the same country moved to the part of London I now call home. I know her vaguely through a mutual acquaintance. When she arrived I tried to make her feel welcome, we met with the children, she said a few things I found odd (being very negative about basically everything, and really taking the fun out of things). Unfortunately prior to that day I had already invited her to my children's school summer party which took place on the school grounds- I had permission to invite her.

After the event-in which I had really tried to make her feel welcome- she texted me saying "well that didn't work out with the children did it, your daughter obviously doesn't like my kids", but at the same time insisting we meet again. I found it extremely rude and negative and really don't want to meet again. AIBU or give it another go?

Oh God no, I wouldn't meet again. You have made an effort but you don't gel as friends. I would leave it and just stop responding, or be very vague if you do.

You did not hit it off nor did your children so what is the point.
Keep it at an acquaintance level relationship and be too busy to meet up one on one

Thank you so much for your reply! I feel the same- its just so odd as I know we will keep bumping into each other- thankfully our children don't go to the same school at least. Even if my daughter didn't like her kids that much but I just found it so rude being so direct about it and not thanking me at all for inviting her along!

Thank you, yes that's how I feel. I just don't understand why she really wants to meet up again- I get she wants to make friends but I really don't think we get along that well.

Are you both Dutch? 😂
You’re best placed to know whether this is ‘normal for your culture bluntness’ or rudeness. But I agree with pp this isn’t a relationship worth pursuing.

You're not much more likely to get on with her than anyone you pick off the street, you've made an effort, it didn't go well and you don't want to see her again. That's fine. You don't need to explain why or cause a drama, just nice it out and keep her at arms length from now on.

Is your home country one where being blunt to the point of rudeness is the norm? And could you have been here for long enough to have forgotten that?

But you’ve done your bit and if your kids don’t get on, I wouldn’t bother carry on with this relationship.

Close, but not quite 😂It is probably normal but I have been in the UK so long that I find her behavior impossibly rude. I feel bad for no longer wanting to see her on a kind of basis that I like to be welcoming to new people, but I think we might just not be compatible in the personality department...

Maybe she was trying to address the issue with your daughter in a funny/ direct way to let you know it wasn't a problem for her. I still voted YANBU though. Incidentally, what did happen with your DD and how old are all the kids?

It is to a point 😂One reason why I like living in England so much more! I just dont know how to act if I meet her again on the street which is inevitable... I have tried to just make it clear to her that I don't want to meet again without being too direct.

My daughter was rude to her 3 year old and wanted to play with her own friends rather than playing with her. In hindsight it wasn't a good idea probably to invite her to a school do where all her usual friends were there... I didn't see it happening, so I was apologizing profusely when she sent me the text, but I found it just so forced to then insist on another meetup when the children evidently dont' get along. Also I cannot police everything my DD says or does and they are still young (5,5 and 3)

No, but you can help her learn that being rude to guests in your company is not good manners, and help her be inclusive, that learning starts now.

Yes of course, there were immediate consequences and I she was told off big time. I did however feel that it was all a bit too reproachful from her side given the fact that it was the second time we met.

“The kids are fine. You, on the other hand, are a rude whinging fun sponge, and I would rather walk into traffic than meet you again.”

Oh my goodness yes that is what I was thinking to myself 😂😂I have no idea why but her text really riled me so much! And then she sent another one straight after saying "I just wonder where this behaviour came from"- which riled me even more!

I would loose my shit with this woman after her second message. We are very direct and straightforward in my country but that is just so rude. I would not bother texting with her and meet again. She can go and find other friends.

Right?? I'm so glad it's not just me!

I just didn't respond to her text about meeting again, I went around the question and just apologized for the rudeness. I hope she eventually got the message.

Wow! In my head I’d reply with “given your feelings about my daughter it’s probably best if we give up on the idea of getting together. Not sure I’d have the guts to do it in real life though.

Haha, yes 100% this! I so wanted to escalate this but I know for sure that we will cross paths again one way or another so I thought I best just keep it breezy... She sent me another message a few days later about a particular cycle path in the city which I answered but kept the message very short... No idea why she texted me about this as she could easily just find out for herself googling it...

Austrian?
DH has Austrian Rellies and they have never met an uncomfortable fact/opinion they don't feel the need to share, they make his German family seem incredibly diplomatic
Either way just avoid her, you don't have to get on just because you were born in the same country

Haha, I don't want to be too outing, but no, not Austrian! Though they can also be incredibly frank/ rude in my limited experience.
Thank you, yes, good point- I've got friends from all corners of the world and absolutely don't have to be friends just because we are from the same place.