Backstory: I say SC as they call me stepmum, but DP and I aren’t married. We have separate finances and pay a proportionate amount of the household bills. I am the higher earner. Yes, he pays (more than) maintenance, and yes, they were divorced when we met (she had an affair and moved away). We have them weekends and holidays. Their mum has always been difficult, and often quite rude and dismissive to me.
When SDs were small, they wanted class parties which their mum said we weren’t allowed to attend, then sleepovers, which were at her house. We would buy them whichever presents they requested, which would inevitably end up back at their mum’s never to be seen again, or barely used / grown out of. So DP and I started a tradition of day trips or little holidays for birthdays. In the past few years we’ve done the West End, a surf trip, safari camping, Cadburyland etc.
Now they’re pre-teens, they want to bring their mates along and these trips are more and more expensive and extravagant! I pay for and enjoy planning them with the child. It’s always a great family experience and they’re good kids who are appreciative. SD11’s asked to go to Thorpe Park and have a sleepover so we’ve booked an AirBnB with a hot tub and enough room for her to bring three mates. SD14 has asked to take two mates to Paris for sightseeing (and social media content, of course).
Their mum has now messaged me asking that these trips don’t happen, because “you’re just spending loads of money on them and I’d rather spend some of that on what they actually need. Please transfer me the money they can have a sleepover or bowling which is what their friends do and I’ll put the rest towards their presents.”
AIBU to laugh and carry on?